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December 15, 2010

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 11 Sci-Fi Sirens

I told you that our 12 Midnights of Christmas would include some of my favorite people, and today is no exception.  Because today's host is none other than...well...me, The Mike.  Sorry, but I did warn you that Bill Goldberg was busy.

That said, I thought tonight's post would be a good time to divert from my overbearing focus on horror and share some of my favorite sci-fi vixens with you all.  From futuristic furniture to dino-chasing redheads, from intergalactic warriors to potential heavenly beings, let's take a look at some dangerously fetching ladies.

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas presents: 11 Sci-Fi Sirens
By The Mike

Leigh Taylor Young as Shirl in Soylent Green

If this is what "furniture" looks like in the future, I'm buying stock in La-Z-Boy!  As Shirl, the love slave of the murder victim who holds the key to Soylent Green, Taylor-Young looks glamorous while cavorting with Chuck Heston and hosting friends in a dead man's apartment.  And, as The Horror Digest's Andre recently pointed out, she loves taking laughing showers.  I'll break it down simply.  Shirl is to dirty-future-beauty as Soylent Green is to people.

Rie Rassumssen as Angel-A in Angel-A

If you're looking for petite yet statuesque, look no further than Luc Besson's black and white take on It's a Wonderful Life, in which former model (and infamous Femme Fatale co-star) Rasmussen plays the angelic title character.  One of the most unique angels ever filmed, Angel-A is a heavenly treat as a film and a striking and memorable character.  (If only it weren't all French, I don't parlez-vous as well as I used to!)

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Long the poster child for women action heroes, Sarah Connor has always been a crush of The Mike's.  Truthfully though, I always kinda preferred the original film's Sarah.  Sure, her hair seems to have been attacked by rabid chihuahuas, and she's a little dorky, but there's something endearing about her innocence mixing with that sandy voice.  She's fabulous in the sequel too, of course, but the fun side of her seems to have gone away.  And if you can't laugh at an apocalypse, I worry about your sense of humor.  (Or maybe it's my sense of humor I should be worried about....)

Barbara Ann Constable as Tania Wilson/Lady Terminator in Lady Terminator

In the shadow of that Schwarzenegger film, we meet the doomed Tania Wilson, who falls victim to a strange vagina eel and becomes a killing machine who "mates...then she terminates"!  The Lady Terminator herself - from one of the '80s greatest Indonesian rip-offs - won't win too many people over with her personality, but she's...well, she's something.  I don't know what she is, but she scares me into putting her on this list.  Plus she gets her powers through a vagina eel, which bears repeating.

Natasha Henstridge as Sil in Species

Yeah, this is the second consecutive siren who wants to mate before dating.  I didn't want to list her here - it's too easy - but then I remembered the final act, in which she gives herself a haircut and dyes her hair to a darker color...and suddenly I decided Ms. Henstridge needed to be on this list. 

Gillian Anderson as Dana Scully in The X-Files: Fight The Future 

I know, I know.  Scully's a total stick in the mud.  But something tells me that somewhere, beneath her tough exterior, she'd have one heckuva blast throwing down on a Midnight Movie of the Week marathon with The Mike and his crazy genre lovin' chums.  It's OK to admit it, Gill - we'll save a Vanilla Coke and some nachos for ya.  We won't be as spooky as Mulder, I swear.  (P.S. - Call me!)

(Off topic: I've said it before and I'll say it again: The X-Files: Fight the Future is the North by Northwest of the sci-fi genre.  I love it so.)

Joan Severance as Darcy Walker/Black Scorpion in Black Scorpion

I'll admit it: she's mostly here because she co-starred with Hulk Hogan in No Holds Barred, which might be the greatest piece of cinema of all-time.  (Note from The Mike: Hulkamania will never die, brother!)  But in Black Scorpion, we learn what would happen if Robocop and Batman merged into a leather C-cup outfit - AND IT IS GLORIOUS.  Bonus points for the one ridiculously long braid of hair coming out from behind the cheap mask, Joan!

Jill St. John as Jennifer Holmes in The Lost World (1960)

Ms. St. John (along with Vitina Marcus as the Native Girl) is one of the few good reasons to watch this bloated remake of the 1925 silent classic, which falters to be too impressive despite a cast that also includes Michael Rennie and Claude Freakin' Rains.  Jill went on to star in my personal favorite James Bond film, Diamonds Are Forever, making her one of the few fabulous redheads to ever face off with both dinosaurs and Sean Connery.  That's a list-worthy achievement!

Jennifer Connelly as Emma Murdoch/Anna in Dark City

I don't really need to defend or explain the beauty of Jennifer Connelly, do I?  The woman clearly was chiseled from something perfect, like one of James Stewart's stuttering remarks or Kim Novak's eyebrows.  In fact, if someone made a movie about how an evil scientist played by James Stewart created Jennifer Connelly using one of Kim Novak's eyebrows, I just might watch that movie every day.  Someone with power, MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Beth Rogan as Elena Fairchild in Mysterious Island

Though the island she lives on is plagued by a nasty case of crabs, Beth Rogan perfectly fits into the innocent island gal role in the Ray Harryhausen-filled adaptation of Jules Verne's novel.  Though she has to face off with the likes of a giant chicken to make her way around the titular island, she still makes time to have a fancy new dress made and do some cute poses in it.  I'd take on mysteries to get to her any day.

Caroline Munro as Stella Star in Starcrash


6 comments:

The Mike said...

I don't know what word I was looking for in the second paragraph, but it wasn't "overbearing". That's some kind of mental slip, I tell ya!

Jinx said...

Oh, hats off to the ladies of Sci-Fi, and to The Mike. And special thanks for the pic of Caroline Munro.

Trick or Treat Pete said...

I love Dark City! A friend and I were just discussing it the other day after she brought over a copy of INK for me to watch.
Great 11 Sci Fi Sirens!!
Dreaded Dreams
Petunia Scareum

Malice said...

Yes! Scully!!

Emily C said...

Yay for Scully! This reminds me I've got to watch the X-Files movies- (I haven't seen either, despite being a HUGE fan of the show!)

Liam Underwood said...

I really can't look at Jennifer Connelly in the same way after Requiem for a Dream. There's a certain image of her from that film that is just burned into my mind and instantly makes me feel cold.

Awesome list though. Perhaps after watching Dark City I can replace the bad image with a good one...