Horror is everywhere (3) - '80s Horror Month Edition (Guest Post by Andreas of Pussy Goes Grrr)

(Note from The Mike: Our last guest host this week is Andreas, an excellent young film fan who covers all genres - and does so quite well - over at Pussy Goes Grrr. Andreas decided to use '80s Horror Month as a chance to continue his "Horror is everywhere" series from his site, and I'm excited to have him on board.  Check out his thoughts below, and head on over for more from Andreas!)

Last October, I wrote a couple of posts over at Pussy Goes Grrr about how "horror is everywhere." As I'm sure you Midnight Warriors know, some "serious" cinephiles look askance at horror, as if it's the ugly cousin of the movie world. These so-called film lovers will embrace Luis Buñuel or Michael Haneke, then act like slasher movies are beneath them.

Well, we know better. Those great, depressing art films and those great, disturbing horror films share common DNA that goes beyond artificial barriers of genre or high vs. low culture. Art and horror filmmakers have bounced off one another throughout history, building on each other's ideas and techniques. They engage the same themes: fear, mortality, the problem of evil.

To prove my point (and stay relevant to 1980s Horror Month), here are five highly respected, acclaimed classics of the '80s that aren't exactly horror movies per se, but aren't nearly as far removed from Friday the 13th or The Fly as some authorities would have you believe...

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Steven Spielberg is no stranger to the horror genre. The guy made Duel and Jaws, for chrissakes. But even when he journeys into prestige territory, whether with a sobering period piece like Schindler's List or with crowd-pleasing schmaltz like E.T., he brings that scary background with him. Raiders may be a nostalgic, imperialist adventure yarn, but that doesn't mean it lacks for horror. Yes, we've got Indy's "Why'd it have to be snakes" moment, but how about that gross-out climax? Those melting Nazis are a straight shot of splattery goodness. Tom Savini would be proud.

The King of Comedy (1983)

Although it's ostensibly a black comedy, watching The King of Comedy was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had with a movie. Robert De Niro's Rupert Pupkin is so painfully awkward and maladjusted that it's difficult to even watch him cross the screen. Furthermore, the film is basically Fatal Attraction if you replaced Glenn Close with Sandra Bernhard. You'd be hard-pressed to find a pair of stalkers more delusional and obsessive than this not-quite-horror film's main characters, as they track, kidnap, and fawn over a big-shot TV host played by Jerry Lewis.

Blood Simple (1984)

Horror really is everywhere in the Coen Brothers filmography, from their friendship with Sam Raimi to the recurrence of horror motifs in everything from Barton Fink to No Country for Old Men. Their debut feature Blood Simple is, on the surface, a James M. Cain-influenced neo-noir set amidst the boiling Texas heat. But after one double-cross leads to another, bodies start piling up, and we reach a grisly conclusion in which sleazy private eye Loren Visser (M. Emmet Walsh) gets his hand nailed to a window sill with a knife. It's nightmarish imagery worthy of the best '80s horror—from two guys who, by now, have a Palme d'Or and a Best Director Oscar under their belts.

Ran (1985)

Shakespeare's King Lear is already a pretty bloody play, but Kurosawa decided to amp up the violence and apocalyptic gloom for his film adaptation. Ran's post-battle sequences frequently look like the aftermath of a joint Freddy/Jason killing spree, with blood splattered like paint across one splayed-out corpse after another. The film has its own monster in the form of Lady Kaede, an icy puppetmaster who gets all of her family's enemies to engineer their own gruesome destructions. Few films of the 1980s are as expressionistically nihilistic or as full of pointless death as Ran.

Blue Velvet (1986)

David Lynch is typically pegged as a surrealist filmmaker, translating dark dreams into weird, confusing art. But let's face it: he makes horror movies. From Eraserhead's how-did-he-do-it monster baby to Mulholland Drive's Man Behind the Dumpster, he's forged some of the ickiest, most horrific movie moments this side of Cronenberg (the other creepy David). His Blue Velvet is one of the best and scariest movies of the '80s, and stars Dennis Hopper as a foul-mouthed gangster so unapologetically sadistic he'd make Pinhead blanch. Between scenes of fellatio at knifepoint, Blue Velvet even manages to pervert the legacies of Bobby Vinton and Roy Orbison. That is horror.

Midnight Movie of the Week #76 - Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (Guest Post by Enbrethliel of Shredded Cheddar)

(Note from The Mike: When I realized that I was going to have to leave FMWL alone for my vacation, I couldn't think of many people who would be as qualified to keep the midnight spirit alive as Enbrethliel of Shredded Cheddar.  E has long been one of the site's most dedicated readers - even though her specialty is books - and I'm stoked that she's joined us to offer up this week's Midnight Movie of the Week.  Read on to find out why she fits FMWL perfectly (HINT: THE BLOB!), and don't forget to head over to her site and check it out!)

You know that scene in The Blob (1958) when Steve McQueen’s character is trying to convince the police that a monster that has already killed one person is on the loose—and the police can’t take him seriously because when they ask him to describe it, he says it’s a “kind of like a mass that keeps getting bigger and bigger”? He already has a few pranks on his record and this story hardly sounds plausible, so they hesitate to believe him. The trouble is that he’s telling the truth.

Few other characters in horror can relate to that scenario as well as Tommy Jarvis can. When he goes running to the police at the beginning of this sixth Friday the 13th installment, to warn them that Jason Voorhees has risen from his grave and has just begun another killing spree, they not only refuse to believe him but also lock him in a cell until they can escort him out of town. They know of his personal history with Jason and the fact that he has been in institutions or halfway houses ever since; and it’s just reasonable to dismiss his crazy tale of a midnight resurrection. Like Steve before him, Tommy has no choice but to take matters into his own hands.

Thom Mathews is the third actor in a row to portray Tommy Jarvis, and he actually gives the original Tommy, a young Corey Feldman, a run for his money. Feldman was perfect as the weird little brother in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter whose unexpected insight into Jason’s psyche helps him save his sister but nearly lose his own mind. John Shepherd took over in A New Beginning, in which Tommy is supposed to be spiraling into full-blown psychosis, but never matched Feldman’s original intensity. (In all fairness, it was a very high bar.) What Mathews inherits here is a character with a back story nearly as complex as that of Jason Voorhees—and he wastes no time making the role his own. His Tommy Jarvis is a man of action: he doesn’t wait for catharsis to come to him; he drives all night to where it is buried and digs it up.

How it plays out involves equal parts courage, carnage and comedy of errors.

The tragicomic fact is that Jason would have rotted in peace for the rest of eternity if Tommy hadn’t gone to that graveyard in the middle of a storm, and then, deviating from his own plan to burn the corpse, given in to a mad impulse to stab it repeatedly with an iron fence post. That lightning happens to strike that one post out of all the others in the graveyard may be considered a freak accident, and that the electric shock completely revives a man who has been dead for years may be considered some supernaturally bad luck . . . but Tommy remains the main agent of Jason’s resurrection. The irony is that if he had got the police to believe his story, they would have been even more justified in locking him up for the part he has played!

Luckily for Tommy, however, there is someone who thinks he’s too cute to be crazy. Every teenage boy trying to save a skeptical town should be so lucky. That she is also the sheriff’s daughter is a nod to another old trope: the second parallel to The Blob, in which prankster Steve wins the trust of the high school principal’s daughter, and a cute twist that turns Jason Lives into a decent date movie. Jennifer Cooke plays the perky and exasperating Megan Garris and has great chemistry with Mathews.

Clearly, this Friday the 13th movie has a completely different dynamic from all those that have gone before. Yes, we still get our thrills and our kills: the body count is impressive without seeming excessive, and the new, supernaturally strong Jason makes the perfect dressing for this serving of Slasher salad. What we no longer have is passive waiting while the bodies pile up and the remaining survivors figure out what is going on. This time around, we get a hero as well as villain—someone else with a sense of purpose beyond self-preservation . . . someone who gives new meaning to getting the Final Girl in the end.

Lost Boys Love (Guest Post by Marvin the Macabre of The Montana Mancave Massacre)

(Note from The Mike: Please give a hearty FMWL welcome to Marvin the Macabre of The Montana Mancave Massacre (BTW, I'm seriously in love with his blog title) who is today's guest host at FMWL.  Marvin's a horror fan who I can tell is cut from the same cloth as I, and I'm stoked that he's offered to help out at FMWL this week.  Read below for his passionate take on a true classic that he loves, and don't forget to head over to his Mancave for a monstrous multitude of posts dripping with mischievous madness!)

Most movies are just movies. You buy a ticket, pop in a disc, or fire it up on Netflix and have something to do for the next 90 minutes. You love it, you hate it, or you fall asleep to it, but at the end of the day it’s just a movie.

Then there are your favorites—the films you watch over and over, that become part of your everyday vocabulary. You might throw a quote from The Big Lebowski into a casual conversation just to see if someone will give you the correct response, identifying themselves as a kindred spirit. Lifelong friendships are founded on shared favorite movies. We define ourselves by our favorites, and advertise our tribal affiliations with t-shirts, bumper stickers, and tattoos etched into our flesh. These are the movies that matter to us, but usually they’re still just movies.

But sometimes a movie becomes more than just a movie. Sometimes a film changes your consciousness, weaves itself into the very fabric of your being. Usually we encounter these films in our youth, when we are still malleable and unjaded. They aren’t necessarily great films, or even good ones, but something about them fully captures our imagination and never lets go. Movies like these become integral to the narratives of who we are, and our life stories cannot be understood except within the context of these stories.

All of which is to say that I freakin’ LOVE The Lost Boys. It has long-since ceased to be a movie to me. It is my soulmate. It is where I want to go when I die. It is the substance and meaning of life itself.

So, as you can see, there’s no way I could review The Lost Boys as a movie. I mean, who could review the substance and meaning of life itself? Rather, this post is more akin to a love letter, or a psalm.

But since El Miguel has invited us here specifically to discuss films of the 1980’s, I’ll try as best I can to wipe the drool off my chin and examine it in that context. As timeless as it may seem to me, when I step outside myself, I can see how The Lost Boys is most certainly an artifact from another era.

Max: “Wild kids.”

Lucy: “Oh, they’re just young. We were that age too once. But they dress better.”

I sometimes wonder how hilarious that line sounds to a new generation. A teenager today (or one from ten years ago, honestly) might bust out laughing at the display of mullets, butt-rock locks, and loud, schizophrenic patches sewn onto black leather jackets. But that’s just it: I can only wonder how hilarious it sounds, because to me, the vampires of the Lost Boys are the very definition of cool.

It helps, of course, that I first experienced this movie at the tender age of twelve. My sister was three years older and in love with horror movies. I, on the other hand, had been traumatized by early exposure to The Exorcist, and was literally afraid of the bookshelf where she kept her Steven King novels. My sister had seen The Lost Boys at the theater, and rented the video as soon as it came out. For whatever reason, rather than retreat to the basement to watch it, she wanted the whole family to watch with her. I adamantly protested. “It’s not even scary,” she countered, “It’s mostly just really cool.” My parents were like, “Whatever,” so she popped in the tape and changed my life forever.

From the first scene on the carousel, I was mesmerized. I loved the seedy atmosphere of the carnival; the colors, all tinged with a reddish light; the strange, exotic style of the carnival-goers so different from anyone you’d see in Montana. And yes, I loved the mullets, the butt-rock locks, and the schizophrenic leather jackets. No one can rock a mullet like Kiefer Sutherland.

And it wasn’t scary, not really. I was completely blown away by the gore of the Surf Nazi slaughter, but not frightened. The vamped-out Lost Boys with their inhuman eyes and blood-smeared faces looked vicious as Hell, but I wasn’t scared. It was a rush, one that I would soon be utterly addicted to.

The next day, I hooked up our VHS camcorder up to the VCR and made a bootleg copy of the film. For a 4 or 5 month period, I watched it 2 to 3 times a week. If I didn’t have time to watch the whole thing, I would fast forward to the Surf Nazi slaughter and watch until the end. I showed it to all of my friends. We were still young enough to indulge in a little imaginative play, so we’d make our own arsenal of wooden stakes and holy water pistols and play vampire hunters. To this day, I can watch The Lost Boys at any time, no matter what mood I’m in, and just get completely lost in that world. There is nothing I don’t like about this film.

The Lost Boys is the ultimate teenage fantasy. You move to a new town to find it has a permanent carnival on the beach where there are rock concerts every night and the streets are teeming with young people at an endless party. You meet a hot girl who introduces you to a gang of super-cool, leather-clad bikers whose clubhouse is a luxury hotel that sank underground during an earthquake. Then, to top it off, you get the opportunity to fly, to stay eternally young and hot, and to rip the mohawked scalps off of surf punks with your teeth. Sign me the Hell up!

As cool as the vampires are, our hero is in every way their equal. It is utterly beyond my comprehension that Jason Patric isn’t a bigger star: he consistently gives fantastic performances, he’s intensely good-looking, and he’s a world-class brooder. He’s also my one true man-crush, proving my suspicions that Joel Schumacher made the film as a gay recruitment tool.

Speaking of which, I love that Corey Haim’s character, Sam, is so obviously gay. It’s never mentioned, but all the clues are there, from the poster in his room of a provocatively-posed Rob Lowe, to his flamboyant fashion sense (and “Born to Shop” T-shirt). I’ll admit that back in the day, I didn’t pick up on it. In the eighties you didn’t make one of your main protagonists gay. It just wasn’t done. So you could say that The Lost Boys was ahead of its time in this respect. It also makes for an amusing counterweight to the hyper-masculine, all-American Frog Brothers, who make their only kill while Marco is asleep. Meanwhile, Sam is the one who goes all Rambo, delivering “death by stereo” to Dwayne* via bow and arrow.

*Dwayne’s name is never mentioned in the film and I only knew it because I read my sister’s copy of the novelization. I wish I’d kept that.

While the joy of watching the Lost Boys in adulthood is in re-experiencing the feeling of youthful exuberance, I think my favorite character is Grandpa, an eccentric old lawyer-turned-hippie taxidermist who delivers the single greatest punchline ending to any film ever: “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach: all the damned vampires.”

How can you tell when you’re truly in love with a movie? When you write 1,300 words about it and realize you haven’t scratched the surface of everything you wanted to say. So to wrap this up: I credit The Lost Boys with beginning my lifelong love of horror movies. It helped me face my fears and to see the beauty in the dark side of life. And in junior high, it inspired me to grow a mullet of my very own. Like I said, no one can rock a mullet like Kiefer Sutherland. Particularly not me.

(Note from The Mike: 1) I totally agree that the punchline from Grandpa is the coolest thing ever. 2) One of the rules of FMWL, akin to "Nobody Gets Outta Here Without Singin' The Blues" in Adventures in Babysitting, is that any mention of The Lost Boys requires Tim Capello, AKA THE SAXOPHONE GUY FROM THE LOST BOYS!  So, here he is.  Thanks much Marvin!)

The Ballad of a Witchboard Survivor (Guest Post by Dod of The WGON Helicopter)

(Note from The Mike: Today's guest at FMWL is none other than the very cool Dod of The WGON Helicopter.  Dod is a....well, we'll just say he's a veteran in '80s horror fan terms, and he's hear to relay one of his favorite experiences as he fought to survive the '80s!  Enjoy his piece below, and don't forget to head over and check out his site for more fantastic commentary on horror flicks!  Thanks for joining us, Dod!)

 When the call went out for horror bloggers to write a little something about horror in the 80's, I had to snap to attention.  I not only lived in the 80's, but I partied my way through a majority of those years.  Horror movies played a big role in my entertainment menu, and one film in particular somehow found its way into our VCR time and time again.  It was a film that consisted of one part delicious cheese and several parts pure, unadulterated 80's.  I'm speaking, of course, of 1986's Witchboard.

Written and directed by Kevin Tenney, Witchboard wasn't just produced in that heady decade.  It damn near symbolized the decade.  I can still remember it clearly - well, as clearly as I could.  February, 1988:  After a night of Busch Light and Pisanello's Pizza, wandering into one of the many local video stores in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, looking for something to watch.  Three Men And A Baby?  No, too cutesy.  Gymkata?  No, too awesome.  Hardly Working with Jerry Lewis?  By all that is holy, no.  Witchboard?  Well, why not for at least the fourth time.  Besides one of the guys on our dorm room floor hadn't seen it yet, so there you go.  Piling back into my roommate's old K-Car - I am not making this up - we ventured back for some good ol' Oujia-themed goodness.

If you haven't seen it, Witchboard is the story of Jim and Linda (Todd Allen and Tawny Kitaen), a young couple in love but not without a few issues.  A love triangle of sorts exists as Linda's snobby ex-boyfriend and Jim's ex-best friend Brandon (Stephen Nichols) still has a thing for Linda and takes pot shots at Jim whenever he can.  He's also an expert on the Ouija and demonstrates his prowess at a party by contacting the spirit of a little boy named David.  After leaving the party in a huff due to a little spat with Jim, Brandon leaves behind the Ouija board.  Linda gets all adventurous and uses the board to call on David again, and they develop a quick bond.  But Linda's breaking a cardinal rule of Oujia by using the board by herself.  Weird things begin happening, from the innocuous (finding Linda's lost ring) to the insidious (Jim's buddy is killed in an "accident").  Linda's becoming addicted to the board, but Jim has his doubts about it.  He and Brandon kiss and make up without the kiss and investigate this David spirit on their own.  A call to a psychic (Kathleen Wilhoite) ends badly and Linda has a rough encounter with what she thinks is David.  Jim and Brandon go on a road trip where bridges are mended, clues are discovered, and hatchets are buried...literally.  It all spirals into a showdown between Jim, Linda (as possessed by a toothy bloke called Malfeitor), a police detective who thinks Jim's responsible, and the titular board.

Everything about this movie screams the 1980's.  Tawny Kitaen is in it, with beautiful big hair.  She was not far removed from one of my all-time favorite comedies in Bachelor Party and was just about at her Whitesnake car-dancing peak.  With all the legal troubles she's had over the recent years, it's easy to forget just how gorgeous she was in 1987.  Kathleen Wilhoite is in it.  She was guest on a slew of 80's TV shows like Family Ties and Cagney & Lacey as well has having a supporting role in the iconic Road House.  Stephen Nichols is in it.  He was in TV's pop culture soap opera phenomenon General Hospital which had enjoyed its most popular run ever just a few years before with the whole Luke and Laura storyline, which involved intrigue and spies and a giant ice ray that could freeze a city.  But how would I know?  I don't watch soaps.  Ahem...

The colors, the clothing, the hair.  Hell, the very look of the film...it's all the 1980's.  And it all ends with a rockin' hair band anthem for its theme song ("Bump In The Night" by Iannis Xenakis).  I don't care if it seems cheesy now.  I don't care if the movie's only slightly creepy compared to the kind of movie I enjoy now in 2011.  It was about the fun.  It was about a bunch of goofy, pizza-filled, Busch Light-fueled dudes kicked back in their Central Michigan University dorm room, not caring about what was happening outside, not caring what the next 10, 20, or 30 years would bring us.

If Witchboard was bad, we didn't care.  It was good to us, and now all these many years later, it's absolute nostalgia.  You want a time capsule of the "Me Decade"?  Fire up the old VCR and pop in that worn VHS tape of Witchboard (or pop in the DVD, I won't judge), order a pizza, and take a trip back in time that doesn't require 1.21 gigawatts.

A big thank you to The Mike for allowing me to be a part of the 80's horror celebration!

Now please enjoy the trailer:

Oh, and a bonus! Please to enjoy the aforementioned song "Bump In The Night":

Midnight Top Five - The "Scariest Creatures in '80s Films Suitable for Children's Viewing" Edition (Guest Post by Syrin of My Own Little Corner)

(Note from The Mike: I promised you all that I'd leave FMWL in good hands while I take a rare real world vacation this week, and I meant it.  Please welcome Syrin, hostess at the diminutive-but-mighty blog My Own Little Corner, who's got a double dose of Midnight Top Five action for you all!  Please check out what she's got to say below, and head over to her site to see some awesome stuff!)

While my parents weren't overly strict, they did lay out certain rules.  One of these rules meant absolutely no R rated movies before the age of 13.  It was a valiant effort on their part to shelter me from sex, language, and violence that my young mind wasn't quite ready for.  However, the horror boom of the 80s meant that a lot of horror elements were sneaking into comedies, even those primarily targeted towards children.  As such I present to you the top five things that had me turning away from the television and movie screen and ducking under the covers at night.

Stripe's Death - Gremlins
The gremlins themselves didn't really scare me.  While certainly not what I would call cute, they're just sort of reptilian creatures with pointy teeth that cause a lot of trouble.  However, that scene as we watch Stripe decay once he is hit by sunlight?  The stuff of nightmares!

 The Dark Overlord - Howard the Duck

I haven't seen Howard the Duck in many, many years.  I really need to sit down and revisit it to see how well it holds up.  I think it certainly is one of those movies that could only have been made in the 80s.  More than anything else, I remember being caught totally off guard when this seemingly innocent funny movie about a talking duck suddenly had this huge, disgusting scary monster show up at the end.  I may have left the room when it appeared.

The Waiting Room - Beetlejuice

I didn't see too many movies in theaters when I was a kid.  We used to rent a lot from the video store instead.  So I remember my friends ranting and raving about Beetlejuice and how funny it was long before I got to see it.  I also distinctly remember thinking they were trying to torture me when the waiting room scene came on.  Mr. Shrunken Head was particularly frightening to me.

 The Librarian Ghost - Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters is definitely one of my favorite movies of all time.  I watched it over and over again, and I will happily defend the sequel too.  For a movie about ghosts, it is pretty short on scares.. except for that opening scene!  If anything will make you stay quiet in a library, it's this woman!

 Large Marge - Pee Wee's Big Adventure
But the absolute scariest thing I ever saw in a film in my childhood doesn't come from the horror genre at all.  Of course, it is a film made by Tim Burton, and as his first full length film I think it served as a warning to all of us that this man had a very unique vision.  I don't think I've run into a single person of appropriate age who didn't get their pants scared off by Large Marge.  My brother and I watched this movie again and again and again, but I can tell you right now, after the first viewing, whenever I heard "It looked... like this!" I would cover my eyes until Pee-wee stopped screaming.

OR: See Large Marge on YouTube....IF YOU DARE.

Because these sort of things were just so prevalent in the 80s, I thought it would be fun to turn it around a bit and talk about the scary creatures that didn't make me run for cover.

Audrey II - Little Shop of Horrors
While I didn't actually watch the entirety of Little Shop of Horrors until I was an adult, I remember seeing at least parts of the movie in my childhood.  They even made a cartoon adaptation of it!  While Audrey II grows to be large and monstrous and feasts on human blood, the power of humor and music makes him not quite as threatening as some of the creatures and people above.

Slimer - Ghostbusters
Pardon me for mentioning Ghostbusters twice in one post like this, but I think it would be wrong to not talk about Slimer in this context.  For awhile there, he was even more popular than Casper in the friendly ghost category.  He had his own fruit punch and toothpaste, and basically dominated The Real Ghostbusters.  While I think nearly all cartoons automatically count as not really scary, even in the first film he's too busy gorging himself on food to inspire fear, and his one encounter with Peter Venkman definitely inspires more laughs than shivers.

The Troll - Stephen King's Cat's Eye
For the longest time, I didn't know Cat's Eye was an anthology film.  The only part of the movie we had on a VHS tape was the final segment staring Drew Barrymore titled "The General."  The troll who steals her breath away is not meant to be cute or cuddly but there's something about seeing him float with balloons and spin around on a record player that always made him adorable to me.

The Wild Gang - Labyrinth
Somehow, despite being a Jim Henson fan since I was an infant, I didn't see Labyrinth until I was a teenager.  I fell in love with it immediately.  Imagine my surprise when later I was told by a couple people that The Wild Gang gave them nightmares.  But.. they're so cute!  And fun!  And it's such a great song!  I'm calling it here that anything created by the Jim Henson gang cannot scare me, and therefore these guys belong on the list.

The Chamberlain of the Skeksis - The Dark Crystal
Yeah, I'm fully expecting a fight on this one, but what's the point of a top 5 list without being a little controversial?  There is no doubt that the Skeksis as a race are incredibly ugly creatures.  And that scene where the Emperor turns to dust?  I'd even allow that it could belong on a list with the scary ones above.  But the Chamberlain himself is too likeable to be scary.  His constant whimper, his pleading "Please.. gelfing.. come to castle.."  make me find him more cute than scary.  He's one of the most entertaining characters in the film and probably my favorite out of all them.

Think I got it all wrong?  Have some more fun creatures to add to either list?  Were you immune to the terror of Large Marge?  Sound off in the comments!

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 1 Human Santapede

Yep.  This image, borrowed from Twitch, about sums it up.

(And, if you don't get the joke, try reading this. And where have you been all year?)

I thought long and hard about what I could do for this post that would be truly profound, groundbreaking, and flat out awesome amazing.  But truthfully, it's not worth it.  Anything I had written here would have simply taken away from the fantastic folks who have helped make FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas a rousing success.  And this is about them.

Joe Monster - From Beyond Depraved..............................................................12 Werewolves Gnashing

Jinx - Totally Jinxed............................................................................................9 Ladies Kicking Ass

Emily C. - The Quest To Watch Every Movie Ever.............................................8 Kids-A-Creeping

 R.D. Penning - Dead End Drive-In......................................................................7 Indie Dames-A-Slaying

Malice - Malice of Horrorland.............................................................................5 Dreaded Remakes

Jason - BoxOfficeBoredom.com..........................................................................4 Evil Monkeys

Petunia Scareum - Deadly Serious........................................................................3 Part 3 Films in 3-D!

Nicki - Hey! Look Behind You.............................................................................2 Christmas Road Trips

?????????........................................................................................................11 Sci-Fi Sirens

                                                                                                                          10 Unmasked Michaels

                                                                                                                          6 Blobs-A-Blobbing

                                                                                                                          1 Human Santapede

 **********************************************

With Christmas here, I can not understate how grateful I am for the contributions of these fine folks; they've really made this last week and a half a special time at FMWL.  Of course, I'm also thankful for all the other writers, bloggers, and readers out there who have supported me and FMWL.  It was incredibly difficult to choose less than 12 writers to help me with this project, because there are so many of you that have been inspirations to me this year.  To all the followers and friends of The Mike and FMWL, I offer a special thanks. This year of sharing my love for horror, genre, and cult cinema has been a fantastic gift to me; being able to interact with others who share my love of these cinematic treasures and other awesome things is something I truly cherish.  Your support has changed my life for the better. 

With that said,  I wish nothing but the best to every Midnight Warrior who's ever come across my corner of the internet.  Merry Christmas from The Mike and From Midnight, With Love!

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 2 Christmas Road Trips (by Hey! Look Behind You's Nicki!)

One of the first bloggers to support FMWL back when The Mike was just cutting his teeth in the blogosphere was Nicki of Hey! Look Behind You.  A loyal Midnight Warrior from day one, Nicki offers up plenty of quick-witted, fun posts over at her site, not to mention sharing those FilmWise challenges that I stare at for hours a week.  Now, with a drive home through a snow storm staring at me tomorrow, Nicki joins our 12 Midnights of Christmas festivities with a chilling double dose of highway horror!  (Why can't The Mike get stuck in a blizzard with Emily Blunt?)

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas presents: 2 Christmas Road Trips!

By Nicki of Hey! Look Behind You

When the awesome The Mike asked me to join in his 12 Midnights of Christmas festivities, I thought "Totally awesome...but what should I do?" Then being all awesome The Mike made a suggestion that maybe I should do a double feature. And so I did! 

Road trips are a mixed bag of fun and frustrations. There are the moments where everyone is getting along, maybe even singing and then there are those other moments when you just want to open the car door and kick someone out. 

For this haunted Christmas road trip double feature, people brave the open road to be with family for the holidays. With no Google map instructions, GPS or even a compass, they all cross paths with the supernatural. 

Dead End

On the annual family road trip to the in-laws for Christmas, Frank Harrington decides that this year he’s going to do something different… he’s going to take a short cut!

Yes, we all know this is always a great idea in theory but surprise, it doesn’t quite work out for the Harrington family. Frank, his wife, son, daughter and her boyfriend come across a lady on the side of road carrying a baby. She seems to be shook up and traumatized but they soon learn that she’s a ggggghost! 

The family find themselves lost on an endless road, surrounded by the creepiness of the woods. They don’t let being lost, late and scared interfere with the age old road trip tradition of auguring about their family issues.

The fighting pauses after the boyfriend is kidnapped by an eerie hearse. The family tries to chase after the hearse but then they find the boyfriend’s dead, mutilated body tossed by the side of the road. Shit officially gets real when the family realize that they might not get through the night alive. 

Dead End journeys down a road of the family Christmas road trip experience with the added spirit of ghosts and gore.

Wind Chill

College students (only know as “boy” and “girl”) share a ride to Denver to visit their family during Christmas break. The boy has always had a thing for the girl meanwhile she barely knew that he existed. The boy wants to clock in more face time to get to know the girl more so he decides to take the “scenic route.” Again, never a good idea because this specific route is haunted by people who were killed there in the past. 

During the long stretch of unknown road, the couple are run off the road leaving the car damaged and them stuck in the cold with no food or cell service. 

They think they are saved when a cop comes by to check on them but not only is he totally psycho but he’s also a…gggghost! The boy and girl find themselves trapped in a murderous time loop trying to battle the cold and the killer cop. 

The crazed cop isn’t the only problem in this road detour nightmare, the boy doesn’t let on that he was seriously injured from the crash and maybe slowly dying if they don’t get help soon. 

Wind Chill is another fight to survive the night with the dropping temperatures and ghosts with nothing else better to do than to hassle people. 

So folks, when it comes to traveling for Christmas, pack a lot of snacks, video game/reading entertainment and as tempting as those short cuts seem, well, you want to be alive to open your presents don’t you? Yes, me too. The test of endurance is well worth it.

Happy Holidays!

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Many thanks to Nicki for joining in on this Christmas Eve, as FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas rolls to a close!  Head on over to Hey! Look Behind You for more from her, and come on back tomorrow for the grand finale!

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 3 Part 3 Films in 3-D! (by Deadly Serious' Petunia Scareum!)

One of the few undead bloggers I've met is Petunia Scareum, aka Trick or Treat Pete, the diabolical host over at Deadly Serious - where she offers up plenty of unique and entertaining posts that are sure to tickle your macabre fancy.  She's also been a fine supporter of FMWL, and I'm excited to have her on board as FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas comes to a close.  I hope you've got your glasses ready, because Pete's got something special for you boys and ghouls....IN 3-D!!!!!!

 FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas presents: 3 Part 3 Films in 3-D!

By Petunia Scareum of Deadly Serious

On the third midnight of Christmas my Ghoul-love gave to me...

Three part 3 films in 3D!

For what ever reason, in the very early 80's three horror franchises all decided that their third installment would be in 3D. It was still the time of paper glasses, one eye red, the other blue, long before Avatar. 

1982

Jason, having barely survived a blow to his shoulder from his own machete, is back to revenge on all that visit "his" woods. A new group of friends come over to party at an area close to the campsite. This time, Jason will be stronger than ever! A victim provides Jason with his trademark hockey mask in this film.

Hey, guys...ugh, he stole my freakin' kidney!

Directed by Steve Miner
Cast:
Dana Kimmell, Paul Kratka, Tracie Savage, Jeffrey Rogers, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner (the victim who provides the infamous hockey mask), David Katims, Rachel Howard, Nick Savage, Gloria Charles, Kevin O'Brien, Richard Brooker 

 "Ahhhh...that's better. Running around in the woods killing people, it can get hot under this thing!" 

1983

The sons of police chief Brody must protect civilians at a Sea World theme park after a gigantic 35-foot shark becomes trapped in the park. As Sea World is about to open a new attraction Sean Brody arrives to visit brother Michael Brody and girlfriend Kathryn Morgan when park owner Calvin Bouchard welcomes Phillip FitzRoyce to the park. With strange accidents in the park becoming a routine occurrence, they dive into a lagoon on the grounds and find a shark in it. After capturing the shark and putting it on display, it dies in it's first show. Unsure of how to carry on, they find the shark's mother still living inside the park and attacking the facilities. Working against the possible disasters, they race to stop the fix the attractions and shark before it destroys the park.

Yikes! Sea World! Swim away, Flugel Fish, Swim away!!

Directed by Joe Alves
Cast:
Dennis Quaid, Lou Gosset Jr., Bess Armstrong, Simon MacCorkindale, John Putch, Lea Thompson

 "I'm coming to get you, Lou Gosset Jr! Just try calling me Sugar-britches!"

1983

A man who is separated from his wife moves into the infamous Amityville House. Their daughter dies in a boating accident and now the mother sees her deceased daughter "alive" in the house. The father calls a paranormal investigator in to help and the investigator finds out the source of the household problems. A reporter moves into the ominous Long Island house to debunk it of the recent supernatural events and becomes besieged by the evil manifestations which are connected to a hell-spawn demon lurking in the basement.
Shun the non-believers...ssshhhuuunnn!!!

Directed by Richard Fleischer
Cast:
Tony Roberts, Tess Harper, Robert Joy, Candy Clark, John Beal, Leora Dana, John Harkins, Lori Loughlin, Meg Ryan,Neill Barry, Peter Kowanko, Rikke Borge, Carlos Romano, Josefina Echánove, Jorge Zepeda, Raquel Pankowsky,Paco Pharrez

 "I think the jacuzzi is a tad too hot!"

 

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Many thanks to Petunia for joining in the fun, and if you haven't checked out her brand of awesome over at Deadly Serious, get on it now!  With only two Midnights left till Christmas, the end of our festivities is coming at us just like these 3D terrors!  Let's end it in style, Midnight Warriors!

(Also, since we're celebrating the number 3 in our countdown, I'll throw out a video too...because that is what a nice guy I am.  BEWARE THE NINJA!)

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 4 Evil Monkeys (By BoxOfficeBoredom.com's Jason!)

 I'd like to say that The Mike has always been as awesome as he is now.  Oh wait, he actually has been.  However, he wouldn't have gotten his trademark "The" - or his chance to write about movies on the internet - if it weren't for Jason of BoxOfficeBoredom.com.  Though one dorm room was far too small to hold both of our egos, the internet has become a great place for Jason to share what The Mike taught him about movies and for The Mike to first (and still occasionally) share his thoughts via Jason's nearly 10 year old website.  Though he doesn't have my natural charm or superior wit and guile, Jason succeeds in other areas by having intelligence and being mature and married.  Basically, we're the Rock & Sock Connection of Iowan Movie Freaks....if you smell what The Mike is cooking.

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas presents: 4 Evil Monkeys

By Jason of BoxOfficeBoredom.com

I was given the honor of guest writing for From Midnight, With Love this holiday season as part of their 12 Midnights of Christmas event. The daunting task of writing of horror fun with a holiday theme was a welcome challenge. While I can’t promise that my horror expertise is any more wonderful than a 3 week old fruitcake, I can promise you today’s list will have you going ape!

I immediately thought of monkeys in horror; after all everyone loves a chimp, right? Despite my parents telling me there was not a monster under the bed, it was years later that I found out evil monkeys live in your closet! (Thank you Chris Griffin of Family Guy). As you get ready to celebrate the holidays, here a four horrific primates that will be have you shivering.

The Winged Monkeys from The Wizard of Oz (1939)

I know the Wizard of Oz doesn’t exactly lay any claim as a horror film, but who didn’t grow up having a fear of being whisked away by winged monkeys after watching this film as a child? If being carried away by a tornado and being stalked for your shoes by an evil witch isn’t enough to frighten you, then being carried to the witches clutches by winged monkeys should have you shaking in your ruby slippers. These horrific little creatures were the part of the film that frightened me the most as a child. Sure, winged chimps probably only exist in the land of Oz, but I live close enough to Kansas to fear that a tornado just might pass through Iowa and whisk me away to winged monkey land!

The Blood Monkeys from Blood Monkey (2007)

My first set of true horror monkeys comes from a DVD my 5 year old niece introduced me to called Blood Monkey. Starring acclaimed actor F. Murray Abraham, who's up for slumming it in a low budget horror ape film, Blood Monkey follows a professor and a his college interns as they travel deep into the jungle to observe some strange primates. Little do these students know that their professor just might be leading them into a trap with vicious monkeys who feast on human flesh. The blood monkeys just might be some of my favorite primates of horror because of their antics as they slowly taunt their potential prey. From tree top urinating on their victims tents to moving their map markers, the blood monkeys prove that in some cases it might be possible for apes to have more evolved brains than the average horror actor.

Link from Link (1986)

No list of horror monkeys would be complete if it didn’t include Link from the movie Link. Link is the primate pal of a strange animal behavior scientist, played by Terence Stamp. A one time circus monkey that was known as “Link: Master of Fire!”, Link now serves as Professor Phillips personal butler. Dressed down in his tuxedo best, Link has served the professor for years, but is creeping up on the old age of 45 when the professor brings in a young girl who is interested in his work to stay with him for the summer as a maid. This maid just so happens to be Elizabeth Shue, whom FMWL fans just might know happens to be a perfect sight for The Mike’s eyes. As Shue learns from the professor early on, Link may not make it to his 46th birthday since he is growing more unruly by the day. Problem is, Link isn’t planning on retiring anytime soon. Upset that he will soon be unemployed, Link begins terrorizing the Professor and his house guest.

If I haven’t got you excited about the 80’s cheese of a killer primate film yet, and you are like The Mike, it includes a great scene where Link tries to join a nude Elizabeth Shue in the shower. If nothing else, this primate flick teaches us that it isn’t just James Bond who has a license to kill in a tuxedo.

Ella from Monkey Shines (1988)

Ella is the capunchin critter from the film Monkey Shines. This film about a crazed primate is directed by famed “____ of the Dead” horror director, George Romero. Romero decides to forget about the brain dead, brain munching zombie plot and go with a brainy monkey instead. Enter into the picture Ella, a trained monkey who is supposed to help a struggling paraplegic by helping him with common tasks. At first Ella seems to be the perfect companion chimp, but as her vast knowledge about her new owner grows so does her ability to want to please her master. And it just so happens a mad scientist trainer, Jeff, decided to genetically alter her brainwaves by injecting her with a strange serum that happens to somehow telepathically link Ella to her master. Ella’s bad monkey antics find her owner questioning just how far Ella is willing to go to please him and begins contemplating if she is capable of murder. What starts out as a happy chimp who does household chores turns into a evil little rage filled anthropoid who is wanting to kill everyone and everything.

Whether it's putting a dead parakeet in your slipper or threatening to light you on fire, Ella shows no mercy to her victims. Whether you can run, walk or crawl (or aren’t physically capable of doing any of the above), Ella is going to make sure you let her do what she wants. And if you don’t see Ella’s point of view, this is one primate who is going to terrorize you until you come around to her way of thinking.

Merry Christmas to all, and a very special thank you again to The Mike for allowing me to guest write on his site. I’d love to tell you I taught The Mike everything he knows, but this guy has been one of my movie mentors for the at least the last 10 years. Enough with the sucking up to The Mike and horror monkeys - Bring on Day 3!

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I couldn't have said it better myself.  Thanks to Jason for joining in, and for giving me the idea that words about movies belonged on the interwebs so many years ago.  In the meantime, head on over to BoxOfficeBoredom.com, because not only can you read Jason's stuff, you can read how awful The Mike was at writing about movies 8 years ago.  Win/Win, right?