FMWL Indie Spotlight - The Lashman

(2014, Dir. by Cameron McCasland.)

Review by The Mike.

One of my most common complaints with "retro" genre films - films like Grindhouse and Machete and dozens of low budget imitators - is that the pace is updated for modern audiences. Of course, there's an audience for fast-paced splatterfests out there, but I'm always appreciative of the filmmakers who pay homage to the past without forgetting that most genre films from the '70s and '80s didn't move at breakneck speeds.

One example of this is The Lashman, Cameron McCasland's debut slasher throwback in which some friends head off for a weekend at a cabin only to find that the angry spirit of a lash-wielding fella from the 1800s is at work in the woods. It's a simple kind of horror film - five friends, no civilization, a deadly legend come to life - but it's also an authentic reminder of the things we love about this kind of film.

(Now that I think about it, should I be dropping the s and just calling this a "lasher film"? I do love being accurate, and it would probably be a great poster quote if I said it's "The first great Lasher film!", but that's just too confusing for me. Excuse me if I continue to say "slasher" despite the film's lashing nature.)

The first thing you'll notice about McCasland's film is probably that it looks like something you'd find on a VHS tape in the 1980s. For the most part, the clothes, cars and settings look like something out of Just Before Dawn or The Burning. The film's sound design is also intentionally low-tech, and younger viewers might not understand that this is how some movies used to sound when they were made on the cheap. It's obviously a zero budget film, but the attention to detail in making the film feel dated is one of the things that made me interested in The Lashman from the opening scenes.

The characters are not original for a slasher movie - sensitive guy (David Vaughn), nice girl (Stacey Dixon), lustful couple who make immoral decisions (Jeremy Jones & Kaylee Williams), nice girl's brother who doesn't fit in (Shawn C. Phillips)- but the actors all seem to know what their place is in the script and fit it well. Jones is especially effective as the aggressive member of the group who drinks too much and thinks with the wrong head, while Vaughn, Phillips, and Dixon have no problems fitting into the film. Williams' character is probably the most interesting of the bunch because she's written as something of a wild-card who brings sexual tension to the group. The character is a nice addition to the otherwise paint-by-numbers set up, but none of the actors or characters is bound to be the most memorable thing about the film.

I worry that many people may find The Lashman's pace to be concerning - after the opening sequence establishes the villain it's a long stretch of time before blood flies again - but the slow build to madness is what won me over about this film. Patience pays off for McCasland, because the focus on these characters, the story of the Lashman, and the building tension in both their relationships and the setting is what makes The Lashman feel more like those early '80s slasher films that many of us love despite their flaws. Have you seen these tricks before? Probably. Do they still make for a great party horror flick? Absolutely.

Some of the film's charm is lost in the final act, as the showdown between the killer and his victims is brief and builds to an abrupt finale. There might have been some benefit to spreading out the kills a little more in the short film - which runs only 81 minutes with end credits - but the action is still entertaining and the film ends at a natural stopping point - which, of course, leaves the possibility of a sequel.

The Lashman probably isn't for everyone, but horror lovers who remember the VHS era fondly will surely admire it for what it is. Sure, none of the actors are going to win major awards and the script is simple and it's not the bloodiest thing you'll find and it's just simply not perfect. But I haven't seen a tribute to slasher cinema that feels as genuine as The Lashman does, and that alone should make it worth a viewing.

The Lashman will premiere this Saturday night at 7:00 pm at the Full Moon Horror Film Festival in Nashville, and if you're interested in keeping up with it you can check out the film's Facebook and Twitter pages to see when it'll be playing in your neck of the woods. Until then, enjoy the trailer below.

Midnight Movie of the Week #200 - Halloween

Not gonna go in depth on this one, you all know what Halloween is. I've spent 200 weeks writing these columns now, and as we roll toward the end of the horror family's favorite holiday I just want to say how much I love being able to share my love for horror with you all. When I started this list almost four years ago I was trying to convince myself that I could keep this thing going on a weekly basis, and - despite some real world hurdles and plenty of good old-fashioned lack of motivation, we made it to another Halloween together.

If you need to know why you should watch Halloween - just like I once did as a teenager who thought horror movies were just fun and stupid and not on par with really great movies in other genres - I'll tell you that I believe nothing about any movie more than I believe that Halloween is a movie about man (or woman, in the case of Jamie Lee Curtis' Laurie Strode) vs. nature, not man (or woman) vs. man. People get it wrong and see this as just another slasher movie, or even worse they get it wrong and think of Michael Myers as an inhuman monster going on motor function and killing for the sake of killing.

I know that stuff about fate and evil that is peppered into John Carpenter's script feels like fluff, but if you buy into it it really pushes Halloween to a new level of fear. That might sound similar to asking an atheist to believe in the Bible, and I've wasted more time than I'd like to admit over the years trying to convince people of this when they don't want to see Halloween the way I do.

People come to horror for many reasons. My reason for loving horror, for being moved by horror, and for continuing to seek out horror all the time is because I'm looking for movies that dare me to feel that there is evil in this world that I might have to feel with. And I believe Halloween does this as well as any other movie. I'd compare it's conflict between humanity and the nature of evil to that presented in The Exorcist, which sits next to it as my second favorite horror film. That film approaches evil more directly than John Carpenter does, but both films create the same underlying fear in me.

In short, Halloween is the movie that made horror a cinematic power in my mind. I'd always loved horror, and there are probably a dozen other movies that I love now that I could have seen when I was young and that could have inspired me to feel the way I do about horror movies. Thanks to fate, Halloween was that movie that hit me and made me believe horror cinema could be great cinema. And I'm still indebted to it. Without it there might never have been one Midnight Movie of the Week, let alone two-hundred. It inspired me, and I hope that anyone out there who might be trying to love horror can find a movie that makes them feel as excited about their pursuit as Halloween makes me feel.

Midnight Movie of the Week #179 - 10 to Midnight

Rumors of "that slasher movie with Charles Bronson" were more than enough to send me on a hunt for the 1983 thriller 10 to Midnight, and the end result does not disappoint. The slasher label (and even the label of this being a horror movie) could be debated - I would say its closest slasher comparison is to the original When A Stranger Calls - but that doesn't stop 10 to Midnight from being that perfectly half-serious/half-cheesy early '80s movie that is dripping with charisma.

The plot follows a veteran detective - Bronson, of course - who teams up with a younger and more "by the book" partner to track a serial killer who loves to get naked, run around the woods, and slice up attractive young women. The killer's identity is no secret to the viewer - he's a sexually frustrated office worker who's played with a sterile smirk by Gene Davis - which allows 10 to Midnight to skip the air of mystery that many crime movies embrace. In its place is a perverse morality tale that makes a deadly game of cat and mouse feel like a popcorn movie.

J. Lee Thompson (who had just made one of my favorite slashers, Happy Birthday to Me) also directed Gregory Peck and Robert Mitchum in the original Cape Fear, and there's a little bit of the same tone here. Bronson's Leo Kessler quickly deduces the killer's identity, but legal loopholes and lack of evidence allow the feud between the two men to get personal, with Kessler's daughter (Beverly Hills Cop co-star Lisa Eilbacher) becoming the killer's next target. Fans of Bronson's work in the late '70s and '80s know what to expect from the star here, and also know that getting this dedicated tough guy on your trail is a recipe for violence and carnage.

Both Bronson and Thompson seem to have been in something of a safe mode at this point in their career. Including this film in 1983, Thompson would direct six Bronson films in six years before retiring in 1989.  The star isn't doing anything out of his comfort zone either, playing off the Death Wish formula that defined his late career by once again hitting the city with a gun in his hand and a chip on his shoulder. But 10 to Midnight doesn't subscribe to the formula that you might expect from this duo, mostly due to the supporting cast and their place in the unique script.

Perhaps the most intriguing part of that script is how it seems to shift back and forth from one idea to another. The tone does not change, but the film moves from scenes like "maniac chasing naked woman in woods" to "cops arguing the ethics of the legal system" in a carefree manner. The mixture probably shouldn't work as well as it does, but the actors seem comfortable in their roles and the pacing is top notch. This is one of those movies that feels a lot shorter than it is, because there's always something different and engaging going on on the screen.

Davis' performance as the killer is probably the biggest success in the film, and this killer - whose face we know from the beginning and whose frustrations are spelled out for the viewer - gives the film something that sets it apart from more paint-by-numbers police thrillers. Most comparisons to the slasher genre certainly arise from his eerie, tortured performance in the film and the few wonderful stalking scenes that crescendo to a bloody and violent dorm room finale. The film also does a good job of keeping the killer seeming human, focusing on his frustrations with women and later teaming him with a sleazy lawyer who is wonderfully realized by the great character actor Geoffrey Lewis. This balance between knife wielding stalker and confused and repressed twentysomething is handled in a much better manner than a movie like this often deserves.

And, on the other side of the coin, fans of the star will surely be pleased with the results too. Bronson was still on top of his game when this film was made in 1983, and fans will be treated to a movie that shows off his trademark toughness while never seeming stale. Adding him to the script and pitting him against a unique villain is more than enough to lift 10 to Midnight to surprising heights, pushing the entertainment value of this one-of-a-kind crime drama/slasher movie farther than the parts of the film probably deserve. If you're looking for a pulpy thriller that's never dull, 10 to Midnight will probably entertain you from the opening scene to the final gun.

Midnight Movie of the Week #168 - When A Stranger Calls

If you start talking to a horror fan about When A Stranger Calls, the first thing that they'll say will probably something like "Oh man, the first half hour is so gooood!"  I don't disagree with their assessment - more on that in a bit - but I've always felt kind of bad for the rest of the movie. Because it was one of the first films to follow Halloween's lead in the formation of the slasher subgenre, the film plays more like a sterilized Brian DePalma thriller than a hack-and-slash serial killer film.  But there's a lot to like about the whole picture, even if the discrepancy between Part A and Part B forces people to discuss the movie as two separate entities. Which, despite my best efforts, I'll start to do now.

The central facet of When A Stranger Calls' mystery is based in urban legend, and most people with a hankering for scary stories probably heard "the call is coming from inside the house" before they ever knew about this movie.  Director Fred Walton takes that simple terror tale and expands upon it perfectly in the film's opening sequence, with a babysitter played by comedienne Carol Kane - who is perfectly unfunny in the role - being harassed by a threatening caller and taunts of "Have you checked the children?"  Walton's film isn't perfect throughout this sequence - the repeating ominous musical cue gets a laugh out of me by the tenth time it is used - but the setting is dark setting of this 1970s' home and the quiet that surrounds Kane in this environment provide a lot of reasons for the viewer to feel unease.

Looking at the segment from the outside makes it easy to see how simple this manipulation of the audience is. The viewer never even meets "the children", but the implication of a threat against youngsters who have been left in the care of another is instantly effective. Parents and young women alike can relate to the worries that come along with leaving your children behind for the evening. Most of the worries that parents or babysitters have about their position are irrational or misplaced, but When A Stranger Calls uses them to its advantage in the setting sequence. This is the kind of horror scenario that may leave viewers at home shouting rationalities at the character on their TV screen, but that's often the kind of horror scenario that grips us most tightly - and When A Stranger Calls' opening act is a perfect example of that.

Which brings us to what comes after that opening sequence.  For starters, it's worth noting that When A Stranger Calls has one of the most obvious three act structures of any film ever made. It starts with the setting event and the babysitter, jumps ahead seven years to a police officer turned investigator (Charles Durning) and his pursuit of the killer, and then retreats back into the life of Kane's character for the final showdown. The set up - killer kills, goes to a mental institution, escapes, terrorizes hometown - is almost a direct replica of Halloween before it, but the structure of Walton's film is more episodic than that of Carpenter's babysitter and killer opus.  I get why it bugs some, and I get why Walton - who would later make another oft misunderstood sorta-slasher, April Fool's Day - ended up spending most of his career making TV movies. But that doesn't mean the approach used on this film doesn't work.

In fact, each time I view When A Stranger Calls I find myself appreciating the film's segmented narrative more thoroughly.  The cat and mouse game between Durning and the killer is particularly effective on its own, with dark city streets and dirty apartment buildings serving as a perfect backdrop for the exploits of this unhinged madman.  British actor Tony Beckley is fantastic as the villain, and his unpredictable actions and deep voice (which is assisted in key moments by some over the top sound effects that sound leftover from The Exorcist) really help the actor stand out in the film and make the killer more engaging to the viewer. It's a shame that this would be the final film Beckley appeared in before his death in 1980, as he seems like the kind of actor who could have given a special something to a lot of horror films in the 1980s.

The final act is more open to scrutiny than the rest of the film is, and there's a definite drop in tension from where we were in the opening. Still, it moves pretty quickly to a resolution and keeps us guessing along the way, ending with an abrupt sequence that is pretty ridiculous but fits with what the movie has offered us so far.  Few people will accuse the film of being a horror classic based on the tension and the tone that it offers, but the pulpy young slasher film still makes me smile with its sleazier-than-you-expect approach that is led by Beckley's turn as the villain.

When A Stranger Calls doesn't keep up with the creepy highs of its opening act - and, in fact, Walton's made for TV sequel that premiered 14 years later has moments that sometimes overshadow this film - and few people will list the whole product as a horror classic. But closer inspection makes me think When A Stranger Calls deserves a second look, because the full film is a wonderfully melodramatic killer story with great performances and plenty of atmosphere. Fans of TV crime dramas may like it more than fans of slasher films do, but that's OK by me. It might be divisive in some ways, but at least we can all agree that we'll check the children next time we're the babysitter.

Midnight Movie of the Week #155 - Black Christmas

As Samuel L. Jackson would say, "When you absolutely, positively, have to have a Christmas themed horror film where a creeper kills every mother in the whole damn sorority house...accept no substitutes."

There are arguments to be made against Black Christmas. I know, I've made plenty of them before. Us horror fans find a lot of ways to get our knickers in a twist, and one of our favorite arguments is about whether or not John Carpenter "ripped off" this film when he made Halloween. If you know me - or if you just read things I write - you probably know that I'm mad in love with Halloween. So when people start to accuse it of stuff, I start to point out every little thing I can to prove them wrong. Is it juvenile? Probably. But it's fun too.

Since Halloween has been first and foremost in my horror lovin' heart for a long, long time, I've always approached Black Christmas with a skeptic's eye.  While I'll never admit that it's a better piece of work than Halloween, I have to say that each viewing has shown me more and more about how effective Bob Clark's proto-slasher can be. 

Capitalizing on a fantastic setting - a sorority house full of the kind of coeds you only found in the 1970s - Black Christmas could also be seen as an precursor of the 1978 horror hit When A Stranger Calls.  The few girls left in the house, led by the oft-drunk Margot Kidder and the timid-but-also-knocked-up Olivia Hussey, are harassed by an increasingly vile prank caller - who (unbeknownst to them) is inside the house, killing people. Like Halloween (I introduced the comparison, might as well roll with it) the characters run through the film unaware of the danger around them.

That's a big part of the twisted fun that can be had with Black Christmas. We see the actions of the killer and learn more about him than the main characters do, but we're still left in the dark about the who and why of the situation.  In the meantime, we follow Hussey around as she whines and talks to her angry boyfriend about a potential abortion and then spends the rest of the film answering the phone and being scared. Hussey's performance might be my biggest problem with the film, because her whiny performance just doesn't draw me in as well as, for example (and since we're already talkin' 'bout it) Jamie Lee Curtis' work in Halloween does.

Black Christmas' lead character might be its biggest problem, but that's a small piece of the bigger picture.  For me, Black Christmas is best viewed as an exercise in tension. Clark toys with the viewer wonderfully throughout the film, specifically when he puts the camera in the eyes of our killer. This would become common practice in horror in the years to come, but there's something very natural and gripping about the viewpoint we have as this killer stalks through the house. We know how sleazy and unhinged this killer is, thanks to the phone calls, and that makes the moments when we see potential victims through his eyes that much more uncomfortable.

I'm not one of those people who think Black Christmas is one of the best horror films of all-time - the only characters who are any fun to watch are the comic relief ones (Kidder, the house mother, the stupid deputy) and there are a few lulls thanks to the police investigation that goes on - but, like Samuel L. said in the opening, you simply can not match this film when it comes to Christmas-based chills.  And for that reason - plus one of the creepiest killers out there and an unhinged and hilarious Margot Kidder - Black Christmas is still worth seeking out when the holiday season rolls and you need your horror fix.

Midnight Movie of the Week #153 - Slaughter High

In a lot of cases, the difference between a slasher film and a revenge thriller is your opinion of the killer. Sure, there are a lot of stylistic differences between a film like Death Wish and a film like Slaughter High, and you wouldn't be able to mistake one for the other if you tried. But one of the things that I find most interesting about the typical slasher film of the 1980s is how similar the plots to these films are to the kind of films that Charles Bronson and others were making in the 1970s. If someone were to tell me that they were watching a movie in which a character suffered a deep trauma and later started killing those responsible, I would probably picture a Bronson-esque anti-hero immediately.

I probably would not picture someone who looks like Simon Scuddamore, the 28 year old actor who co-stars in Slaughter High. Scuddamore plays nerdy teenager Marty, the ill-fated victim of an April Fool's Day prank that goes too far and then returns ten years later to seek revenge on the cool kids as they return for their class reunion. His motivation can be compared to Bronson's - but that's about as close as this movie comes to being one of those noble vigilante films.  It becomes clear pretty quickly that Marty is too far gone down the path to crazy town to be anything but a villain.  (Speaking of too far gone, it's unfortunate that the young Scuddamore, who made his film debut here, died by his own hands shortly after the film was completed.)

There's a little bit of a dilemma that can be found when you consider the fact that this group of pranksters, led by my true love Caroline Munro (who sports a loud hairstyle and seems comfortable playing an actress named Carol), are not really good guys.  The situation that put poor Marty into the deranged and deformed business was directly their fault, which makes Slaughter High something of an outlier when compared to its slasher brethren.  A common theme of this subgenre is punishment for sins, but most films offer up a sympathetic character or two who find themselves in the path of our killer despite their innocence (or at least their willingness to repent).  Munro and company were all directly involved in the pranks that set Marty off, which makes Slaughter High more of an exercise in slasher traditions than a story that provides any meaningful moral content.

A low budget production from the UK, Slaughter High is most memorable because it stays inventive throughout the film.  Marty has a lot of different ideas for punishing his prey, and the film does a good job of setting each up and preparing the viewer for what will follow.  The April Fool's Day theme is very appropriate, because many sequences feel like the killer is letting us in on the joke before he springs a trap on unsuspecting victims.  The image of Marty in the present day - wearing an old letter jacket and a bizarre jester mask and hat - also plays into the killer's playful opinion of justice, speaking volumes about his intentions while the character himself remains mostly silent.

I'm making Slaughter High sound more profound than it is - it's really not profound at all - but it's nice to find a movie at the tail end of the slasher's "golden age" that doesn't just follow the same path we've been down dozens of times before.  Slaughter High is a fun watch, and it's the fun (yet stupid) slasher films that get me thinking about how this why this whole slasher movie family is so much fun to watch (even when it's stupid).  I could sit here and pick apart the bad things about Slaughter High - for crying out loud, it's a film with no good guys! - but that wouldn't be any fun. And Slaughter High is fun, especially when it goes off the rails in the final act and twists the plot around too many times. 

Slaughter High probably isn't what most would call a good movie, and there's a little bit of The Mike in the back of my head that's telling me how silly I am for covering it when there's more profound genre films out there that are worth your time.  But it got me thinking about the whole revenge aspect of slasher films one more time, and while it did that it showed me a watchable '80s slasher film. And Marty looks pretty creepy in that last picture. And that's good enough for me this week.

Silent Night

(2012, Dir. by Steven C. Miller.)

Following up one of the most refreshing pieces of violent cinema I've seen in years - a little ditty known as The Aggression Scale - with a remake of an infamous '80s horror film is a bold move - but it's the move director Steven C. Miller made in 2012.  His project? Silent Night, a souped up remake of the controversial 1984 slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night that offers a new twist on the killer Santa formula.

Malcolm McDowell and Jamie King, both very recognizable to fans of horror remakes (if that kind of person exists, I guess), star as police officers in a small Wisconsin town who are tasked with tracking down a killer in a Santa costume.  Like the real Santa, this one is making a list of people who've been naughty, but his means of dealing with them is a little more brutal than the other guy.

He's a little more brutal than we were used to in the '80s, too.  This version of Silent Night has to keep up with the expectations for horror violence in a post-Saw world, which means our killer has plenty of tools at his arsenal.  You won't see the typical slasher kills here, as things like exploding Christmas lights and flamethrowers and woodchippers all come in to play.  The film is vicious in its killings, and those who enter the film just wanting to see a series of inventive kills by Saint Nick won't be disappointed.

It's not all splatter, as Miller and writer Jayson Rothwell manage to make the film feel more like the original versions of Halloween or Black Christmas - at least in the plot department.  The interactions between the members of the police force - primarily McDowell's comical Captain and King's practical everywoman - break up the action quite nicely, as do side performances from potential victims like Courtney-Jane White as the mayor's uninhibited daughter and Donal Logue as a foul-mouthed Santa impersonator. The story never gets too deep - it's a killer Santa film, and it doesn't lose sight of that - but it's competent enough that it feels like more than an excuse to make Santa off some good looking women in various states of dress. 

Miller's direction is also a great asset to the film, as this film - much like The Aggression Scale earlier this year - manages to make the stalk-and-kill sequences feel like something out of a high energy action film.  The film's final showdown between killer and cops is vivid and eye-catching as different colors of lighting are used throughout the sequence, and the director's eye often teams with an incredibly effective musical score by Kevin Riepl to set the mood wonderfully for the fast-paced sequences of violence throughout the film.

Silent Night is very well made and incredibly watchable, even it never becomes anything more than a flashy popcorn slasher film.  Indeed, Silent Night's biggest failure might be that it doesn't feel as raw and edgy as its brethren from the 1980s did, and I'm sure some fans of that brand of slasher will be a bit disappointed with this film because it doesn't do the "old-school" grindhouse thing. I don't think this is as big of a deal as some will make it out to be - and the film is packed with references to the original series of films and definitely shows a love for its predecessors - but I did feel the film was almost too well-made to compare to the original film at times.

Then again, not being compared to an artistically challenged slasher film from 1984 isn't always a bad thing.  Silent Night does enough things right to be worth watching on its own merit.  It exists somewhere in between the two extremes at which people love this type of film - it's not incredibly profound horror and it's not incredibly sleazy either - but it's a nice addition to the Christmas-based horror shelf and it feels like it'll be a fun film to pop in with friends over the holiday season. The bottom line is that Miller's film is well-made, has performances that work, and offers a lot of fun bloodshed - which is more than enough reason for me to file Silent Night under "Nice" when I look back at 2012.

Big Three Slasher Series Bonanza! The Halloween/Elm Street/Friday the 13th Countdown

Cool image stolen from this dude because it's cool.

So it was October a bit ago and I was like "YEAAAAAAAHHHHH, HORROR!" like I was Slim Pickens riding a bomb to the DVD store. And then it ended, and things around FMWL got a little too quiet for my tastes.  And then I was like "Oh yeah, that's because I need to come up with things to write about."

And so it came to pass that I started thinking back to October and realized how often I popped in a film from one of three slasher franchises.  You know, those franchises with Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees* and/or Freddy Kreuger in them.  And then I realized that, sometimes, it wasn't even because I liked the movies.  It was just that these three killers and their films have become such a comfortable place for me to go when I'm looking for a dose of slashy horror.
* signifies the possibility of Jason Voorhees not always being Jason Voorhees.

Now, don't get me wrong - there are tons of other slashers that are better than many of these films and there are tons of franchises with iconic dudes - like Leatherface and Pinhead, to name two - that are just as awesome as some of these dudes.  But these three franchises have always been "the big three" to me, based on a) the longevity of their reigns and the multitude of films in each series, and b) the fact that they kind of feel like the three killers that are most accessible to both fanatical and casual horror fans.

So now that I was thinking about these movies, I figured I'd do that thing I do when I got nothing else to do - MAKE A LIST. With no further ado, here's The Mike's official countdown of how much he loves/respects/hates all 30 films/remakes/cross-overs in these three beloved - for better or worse - bunches of horrory good(or bad)ness.

The Worst of The Worst

30. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers - Rushed into production with a star who wanted too much money (Ellie Cornell, whose assets from part 4 were disposed of quickly) and a poorly written replacement for her (the annoying Tina Williams, the worst character in the history of movies), Halloween 5 is among the five or ten movies that I hate more than any movie ever. And don't talk to me about what they did to Michael. *tear*

29. Halloween 2 - Rob Zombie's sequel to his remake of Halloween is one of the most maddening films I've ever seen.  I can't talk about how much Zombie crapped all over everything I love about Halloween without wanting to punch kittens. And I gosh darn love kittens.

28. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare - It wasn't actually the FINAL nightmare - a trend that will continue on this list - but it was Freddy at his low point. There are more awful (and now outdated) pop culture jokes than scares in this film.

27. Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday - Also not FINAL, despite being the second Final in its own series. Jason becomes a shape shifter, and things get weird and stupid. Only ranked this high(?) because it's got Erin Gray (from Buck Rodgers!) and that teasing ending.

The Very, Very Bad

26. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan - The tamest Jason film doesn't have enough of everything I enjoy about this series. And only about 15 minutes take place in Manhattan, which makes me just wish it was Jason at sea with a better director.

25. Halloween: Resurrection - Most notable for the opening sequence with a returning Jamie Lee Curtis, this film was a) years ahead of its time and b) the only film in any of these franchises to rely on Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes. And, despite all that, it's still incredibly silly and boring.

24. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Master - I just saw this one for the first time during October, and the opening sequence really had me hooked for a few minutes.  Then it became an average Freddy sequel, thanks to bad jokes and annoying characters, and I lost all interest.

23. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) - A pointless remake that wastes a good cast and some decent dream sequences.  The fact that Robert Englund was replaced by Jackie Earle Haley has been lamented by many fans, but the awful CGI kills are what really lost my interest.

The Just Simply Bad

22. A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge - This might be the most bizarre film on this list, and there are a few moments that are kind of great.  But the decline of Freddy was visible with every joke and one-liner, and the whole film ends up weird in a bad way.

(RANDOM TANGENT: I used to complain that the Friday the 13th movies were so repetitive and that I couldn't remember which was which when they all basically did the same things. I still believe that to an extent, but they have nothing on the Elm Street sequels. You could show me images from any of them (save 3, which we'll get to in a bit) and I'd probably guess wrong about what movie it was.  If you've seen Freddy pop out of one item and say something stupid before killing someone, you don't really need to watch anything after Part 3.)

21. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers - I've always really wanted to like the sixth film in the Halloween series. Many dismiss it because it tries to explain away Michael Myers in an unconventional way, but I love the fact that it's trying. The "Producer's Cut", which has become a thing of legend to Halloweenaholics like myself, could have been a fresh new twist on the series if given a proper release. But even that version can't overcome some neutering by new distributor Dimension Films, who didn't have their Scream-based swagger yet.

20. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood - This is the most forgettable film on this list. I've watched it a bunch of times, and I never hate it when I watch it, but then it's just gone. It's like lettuce. There's no benefit from eating, but at least it doesn't do any harm.

The Enigma

19. Halloween (2007) - I don't hate Rob Zombie's Halloween! But, at the same time - I REALLY HATE ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN! I know I don't like Rob Zombie's Halloween. But I kind of feel like I could like Rob Zombie's Halloween. Except that it's called Halloween. And it shows no interest in representing what I love about Halloween. And that drives me absolutely crazy. But, if it wasn't called Halloween, I might kind of like it. Then again, maybe I wouldn't.

My brain hurts.

The Average Ones

18. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master - This one gets a slight bump because it's directed by the amazing Renny Harlin. It's a little less annoying than the two films that would follow it and not as ridiculous as Part 2, and the teen cast is actually pretty good.

17. Friday the 13th Part III - The mask! The mask! We finally get the mask!  Aside from that, this one and I go either way. At some points in time, I've said it was my favorite F13. At other points in time, I've thought it was excruciatingly dull. It is one of the better F13 movies for party viewing, if only for the 3D gimmick.

(RANDOM TANGENT: There's no debate on one thing - the Friday the 13th series plays better with a group than the Halloween or Elm Street films do. There's less plot and less ambition, and lots and lots of silliness with kills and sex. You can not lose with Jason at a horror movie party.)

16. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later - An attempt to reboot the series after Scream's success (which ignores the events of Halloweens 4-6, creating what I like to view as alternate timelines for Michael Myers (which I also sometimes argue can be branched back together). The return of Jamie Lee Curtis is welcome, but the mood isn't right - partially because the guy they got to play Michael never watched a Halloween movie and partially because it just doesn't work as well without Donald Pleasence as "the Ahab".

15. Wes Craven's New Nightmare - Wes Craven is a major league slugger when he directs horror movies - meaning that he usually hits a home run or swings and misses wildly. New Nightmare is basically a fly ball that gets caught a few feet before it crosses the fence. Bringing Freddy to the "real world" could have worked - but the film runs about a half hour too long and features a terrible child performance. What could have been.
 

14. Friday the 13th (2009) - I'm not gonna lie. I almost ranked this one ahead of the original. I thought it was a lot of fun, even if it took liberties with the material and featured incredibly bouts of dumbness.  Heck, I might watch this one again before I watch the original again.  Then again....

13. Friday the 13th - The original "shocker" has never been one of my favorite movies, and I often have to be reminded that I do think there are good things about it. There are some good sequences, but there's so much about the film that is just plain average. I think people like this movie more than they should because they like the sequels, which are often better. There, I said it.

The Ones I Always Have Fun With

12. Freddy vs. Jason - The 2003 crossover hit had been talked about since Jason went to hell, and I've always been pleased with the end result.  There's a ton of self-aware comedy, but there aren't sharp contrasts in tone like their were in many late Freddy films. Jason gets to do his Jason thing, and the joke never gets old.

11. Friday the 13th Part 2 - Amy Steel, you guys. There's no way I'm saying this isn't better than the original when Amy Steel is running point. Final girl extraordinaire, you guys.

10. Jason X - Yes, I love it. I know it's terrible. But it's one of the funniest movies ever. Never. Gets. Old.

9. Halloween II - Rick Rosenthal's sequel makes a lot of mistakes and I always get really annoyed by that one twist that changed the series forever. But there are some great moments, and Michael Myers is as creepy as he was in the original - even when he hides underneath the camera waiting to pounce.

8. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning -  When the topic is F13, I go straight to the Tommy Jarvis trilogy. This one gets the short straw tonight, but it's still got some of the better surprises in the series.

7. Halloween III: Season of the Witch - The outlier in the Halloween series is a love-it-or-hate-it horror film. I've done both in my life, but this one of a kind horror story has grown on me over the years.  It's got Tom Atkins and that ending, so once you get past the fact that there's no Michael Myers you'll probably have fun too.

The Darn Good Ones

6. Jason Lives! Friday the 13th Part VI - A reanimated Jason and a 20-something Tommy Jarvis (played by the great Thom Mathews) square off in the most interesting F13 film.  There's a strong focus on the story behind the battle and Tommy's quest to find peace, and the pace is fantastic.

5. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter - My favorite F13 film today. Is it just because of the nostalgia value of Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover? Nah. It's because of Banana Girl.

4. Halloween 4: The Curse of Michael Myers - I've lauded this as one of my favorite sequels ever for a long, long time. Heck, I used it for a lecture in a college course once. Pleasence gives a fantastically hammy performance, and Ellie Cornell and Danielle Harris are great additions to the series.  Myers would never be this scary again.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street - Search this blog for mentions of this movie and you'll find out how mad I get about the ending. I just hate it. It's so bad. I can't forgive it. You've got 80 minutes of a truly great horror movie...and then THAT. Boo.

2. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - DOKKEN! OK, it's not all about Dokken. But man, there are few horror movies from the 1980s that scream 1980s like this one. It's the perfect balance of comedy and horror that Freddy would never match again, and the kills are fantastic.

The Great One

1. Halloween - Doesn't even belong on the same list as the rest of these movies. They range from terrible to fun, but it's my favorite horror movie ever.

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Here endeth the list. Agree? Disagree? Hit up the comments! In the meantime, I'm gonna watch a horror movie. Adios!

8 Things I Love About... Happy Birthday to Me

(Because I totally don't talk about how much I love this movie enough.)

Because not enough horror movies have static electricity special effects.

It's got a head in a tray too.

And there's Glenn Ford everybody!

Perhaps my favorite image of blood on film.

That awkwardly tense scene in the bell tower.

Unlike most slasher films, this is brain surgery.

Every good birthday needs a creepy scene lit by cake.

And it goes perfectly with a late night snack.