Midnight Movie of the Week #207 - Santa's Slay

"Why, I'm just trying to spread a little yuletide fear!"

 (2005)

Starring: Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emilie de Ravin, Robert Culp.

Directed by David Steiman.

Rated R for the interior of a nudey bar and all it's sights, some choice language, cartoonish violence that produces blood and a whole lot of grunting and sneering. Also, for Fran Drescher's voice.

Santa's Slay in Six Words:

Goldberg as Evil Santa? Silliness next.

Why You'll Love It:

Love is a strong word for Santa's Slay, which is best viewed as a comedy (that's not really that funny) first and a horror movie (that's not really that bloody) second. Cheese is on the menu as WCW and WWF superstar Bill Goldberg stars as Santa, who is actually a demon that lost a bet on a curling match with an angel (Robert Culp, a welcome face in the goofy film) and was thus forced to spend 1000 years spreading joy. As you might guess from the title, that time is up and now the massive Santa is bringing terror to the town of Hell, Michigan. It's as ridiculous as it sounds and the whole thing comes off like one big joke, but if you have friends who love bad movies too and you want to celebrate Christmas then this is a good treat to find in your stocking (and then probably re-gift at a bad movie exchange next year).

The Highlights:

• The opening dinner sequence, in which several cameos occur, should give you a good feel for how ridiculous this movie is going to be. If you can't have a little fun with it, you should probably stop the movie and save some time.
• The writer/director Steiman clearly must have graduated from The Arnold Schwarzenegger School of Excessive One-Liners (I swear to you guys that that school is out there somewhere; I believe it) and every kill the massive Goldberg makes happened is assisted by some kind of corny add-on. If you're in a punny mood you'll probably laugh a couple of times.
• The weird thunderbuffalo thing that pulls evil Santa's sleigh is pretty darn cool. Yeah, I'm stretching for highlights here. But it's Christmas and I assume you want to see Santa kill things.

Also Worth Noting:

•  Hollywood heavyweight Brett Ratner was one of the producers behind the film, and his touch is visible through some of the names who cameo in the film. The "stars" involved range from the great James Caan and comedy hero Dave Thomas to less welcome faces like those of Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and Rebecca Gayheart.
• Also randomly appearing is Tommy "Tiny" Lister, whose time as Zeus in the WWF (and the all-time classic/masterpiece of modern cinema No Holds Barred) makes him the second former professional wrestler in the film. Sadly, he and Goldberg never get to throw down.
• Totally random tangent - In the real world, people are often very sensitive about saying it's "the holiday season" and not just saying Christmas. It's clear to me that horror movies do not share this sentiment. That's probably because there's not money to be found in a Kwaanza based slasher film, or maybe it's because kids love Christmas presents and dreidels are stupid. My point is this - Thanks for remembering Christmas, exploitative filmmakers.

Santa's Slay is for fans of...
Analyzing the impact of the decline of WCW on what was once it's biggest star, people who love corny holiday puns mixed with blood, Lost completists who want to see how this is actually a prequel to that show, and people whose standards are a little lower because they're just trying to get through Christmas alive. Which is all of us, right?

If You Like This You Might Also Like...
Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)
Tales from the Crypt (1972) (Which is really, really good, and I feel bad for listing it here, but it has good killer Santa.)
No Holds Barred (1989) (The Citizen Kane of WWF stars in movies.)
See No Evil (2006)
Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

Midnight Movie of the Week #155 - Black Christmas

As Samuel L. Jackson would say, "When you absolutely, positively, have to have a Christmas themed horror film where a creeper kills every mother in the whole damn sorority house...accept no substitutes."

There are arguments to be made against Black Christmas. I know, I've made plenty of them before. Us horror fans find a lot of ways to get our knickers in a twist, and one of our favorite arguments is about whether or not John Carpenter "ripped off" this film when he made Halloween. If you know me - or if you just read things I write - you probably know that I'm mad in love with Halloween. So when people start to accuse it of stuff, I start to point out every little thing I can to prove them wrong. Is it juvenile? Probably. But it's fun too.

Since Halloween has been first and foremost in my horror lovin' heart for a long, long time, I've always approached Black Christmas with a skeptic's eye.  While I'll never admit that it's a better piece of work than Halloween, I have to say that each viewing has shown me more and more about how effective Bob Clark's proto-slasher can be. 

Capitalizing on a fantastic setting - a sorority house full of the kind of coeds you only found in the 1970s - Black Christmas could also be seen as an precursor of the 1978 horror hit When A Stranger Calls.  The few girls left in the house, led by the oft-drunk Margot Kidder and the timid-but-also-knocked-up Olivia Hussey, are harassed by an increasingly vile prank caller - who (unbeknownst to them) is inside the house, killing people. Like Halloween (I introduced the comparison, might as well roll with it) the characters run through the film unaware of the danger around them.

That's a big part of the twisted fun that can be had with Black Christmas. We see the actions of the killer and learn more about him than the main characters do, but we're still left in the dark about the who and why of the situation.  In the meantime, we follow Hussey around as she whines and talks to her angry boyfriend about a potential abortion and then spends the rest of the film answering the phone and being scared. Hussey's performance might be my biggest problem with the film, because her whiny performance just doesn't draw me in as well as, for example (and since we're already talkin' 'bout it) Jamie Lee Curtis' work in Halloween does.

Black Christmas' lead character might be its biggest problem, but that's a small piece of the bigger picture.  For me, Black Christmas is best viewed as an exercise in tension. Clark toys with the viewer wonderfully throughout the film, specifically when he puts the camera in the eyes of our killer. This would become common practice in horror in the years to come, but there's something very natural and gripping about the viewpoint we have as this killer stalks through the house. We know how sleazy and unhinged this killer is, thanks to the phone calls, and that makes the moments when we see potential victims through his eyes that much more uncomfortable.

I'm not one of those people who think Black Christmas is one of the best horror films of all-time - the only characters who are any fun to watch are the comic relief ones (Kidder, the house mother, the stupid deputy) and there are a few lulls thanks to the police investigation that goes on - but, like Samuel L. said in the opening, you simply can not match this film when it comes to Christmas-based chills.  And for that reason - plus one of the creepiest killers out there and an unhinged and hilarious Margot Kidder - Black Christmas is still worth seeking out when the holiday season rolls and you need your horror fix.

Silent Night

(2012, Dir. by Steven C. Miller.)

Following up one of the most refreshing pieces of violent cinema I've seen in years - a little ditty known as The Aggression Scale - with a remake of an infamous '80s horror film is a bold move - but it's the move director Steven C. Miller made in 2012.  His project? Silent Night, a souped up remake of the controversial 1984 slasher Silent Night, Deadly Night that offers a new twist on the killer Santa formula.

Malcolm McDowell and Jamie King, both very recognizable to fans of horror remakes (if that kind of person exists, I guess), star as police officers in a small Wisconsin town who are tasked with tracking down a killer in a Santa costume.  Like the real Santa, this one is making a list of people who've been naughty, but his means of dealing with them is a little more brutal than the other guy.

He's a little more brutal than we were used to in the '80s, too.  This version of Silent Night has to keep up with the expectations for horror violence in a post-Saw world, which means our killer has plenty of tools at his arsenal.  You won't see the typical slasher kills here, as things like exploding Christmas lights and flamethrowers and woodchippers all come in to play.  The film is vicious in its killings, and those who enter the film just wanting to see a series of inventive kills by Saint Nick won't be disappointed.

It's not all splatter, as Miller and writer Jayson Rothwell manage to make the film feel more like the original versions of Halloween or Black Christmas - at least in the plot department.  The interactions between the members of the police force - primarily McDowell's comical Captain and King's practical everywoman - break up the action quite nicely, as do side performances from potential victims like Courtney-Jane White as the mayor's uninhibited daughter and Donal Logue as a foul-mouthed Santa impersonator. The story never gets too deep - it's a killer Santa film, and it doesn't lose sight of that - but it's competent enough that it feels like more than an excuse to make Santa off some good looking women in various states of dress. 

Miller's direction is also a great asset to the film, as this film - much like The Aggression Scale earlier this year - manages to make the stalk-and-kill sequences feel like something out of a high energy action film.  The film's final showdown between killer and cops is vivid and eye-catching as different colors of lighting are used throughout the sequence, and the director's eye often teams with an incredibly effective musical score by Kevin Riepl to set the mood wonderfully for the fast-paced sequences of violence throughout the film.

Silent Night is very well made and incredibly watchable, even it never becomes anything more than a flashy popcorn slasher film.  Indeed, Silent Night's biggest failure might be that it doesn't feel as raw and edgy as its brethren from the 1980s did, and I'm sure some fans of that brand of slasher will be a bit disappointed with this film because it doesn't do the "old-school" grindhouse thing. I don't think this is as big of a deal as some will make it out to be - and the film is packed with references to the original series of films and definitely shows a love for its predecessors - but I did feel the film was almost too well-made to compare to the original film at times.

Then again, not being compared to an artistically challenged slasher film from 1984 isn't always a bad thing.  Silent Night does enough things right to be worth watching on its own merit.  It exists somewhere in between the two extremes at which people love this type of film - it's not incredibly profound horror and it's not incredibly sleazy either - but it's a nice addition to the Christmas-based horror shelf and it feels like it'll be a fun film to pop in with friends over the holiday season. The bottom line is that Miller's film is well-made, has performances that work, and offers a lot of fun bloodshed - which is more than enough reason for me to file Silent Night under "Nice" when I look back at 2012.

Midnight Movie of the Week #103 - Die Hard 2

Sometimes, when it's Christmas time, I like to watch movies that are, y'know, Christmas movies.  Some of them are movies like It's a Wonderful Life (seriously, if you can't love that flick you might be EVIL), some of them are movies like Christmas Vacation (which I kinda think is really awful when compared to the original Vacation and pretty annoying), and some of them are movies like the first two Die Hard movies.

At this point, you probably think I should be talking about the original Die Hard.  After all, isn't Die Hard the best?  YES.  Yes, Die Hard is the best. And I'm not even adding a qualifier to that statement, because I don't even think I need to clarify what Die Hard is the best of.  It simply is the best.

Yet I'm here today to say that Die Hard 2 is pretty awesome too.  While its precursor is certainly one of the coolest movies of all time, the sequel - directed by Finnish awesomemaker Renny Harlin - takes the heroic John McClane in a deliciously pulpy direction.  Harlin's film follows the "rules" of the sequel - you've gotta think this is one of the main culprits that was spoofed by Last Action Hero three years later - by amping up almost everything people loved about Die Hard.  Of course, that all makes the film a bit cheesier than John McTiernan's 1988  flick....but isn't that something we love about most midnight movies anyway?

The fantastic hero John McClane, a modern day cowboy that would make even rock band Tesla proud, is now in Washington D.C. a year after his exploits in Los Angeles, and Harlin takes steps to remind us that it is Christmas early and often.  That type of excess quickly spills over into other parts of the film, but Harlin and his screenwriters - the returning Steven E. de Souza and newcomer Doug Richardson - are quite aware of this problem.  At one point McClane is allowed to quip about how unlikely it is that he's dealing with the same plot devices on the same night once again, which is one of those great not-so-sly winks at the camera that I just love.

Along with his ability to crack wise about his situation that is carried over from the first film, McClane's powers of persuasion are increased in this film as well.  This is most evident when you suddenly realize that all the women he comes across - most blatantly the really turn-of-the-'90s-cute Budget Rental Car lady who teaches him how to fax the Twinkie guy - suddenly get all turned on when John McClane's around.  Another example of this comes from the on-scene female reporter (who is not Patricia Clarkson despite how much I want her to be Patricia Clarkson) who offers to carry McClane's children in exchange for a story.  However, this is a John McClane movie, not a Shaft movie, and thus our hero quips his way away from their advances and stays loyal to his wife, even though she's stuck on a plane for the entire movie.

Oh, that whole stuck on a plane thing comes into play thanks to a new bunch of terrorists who cover all races and creeds, led by the always cool William Sadler.  Sadler's turncoat Colonel is not necessarily as interesting as Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber was in the first film, but he's an imposing and smart adversary for McClane and his large army of henchmen provide a varied set of opponents for McClane.  Sadler is just one of the great additions to the supporting cast, which includes Coming to America's John Amos, the often sleazy Dennis Franz, Fright Night's Art Evans, future U.S. senator Fred Dalton Thompson and - last but never least - Django himself, Franco Nero.  Nero plays the General who has something to do with the Colombian drug trade and is a prisoner who sets the rather convoluted plot in motion.  It's never easy to understand all the details of the film's plot and why these soldiers-turned-terrorists are doing what they're doing, but it's also never dull to watch thanks to the fine cast.

While the first film confined McClane to a couple of floors in an office building, Die Hard 2 gives John full range over a large airport, which allows the character to get into plenty of trouble.  Some of the adventures seem a little too silly - like when McClane ejects from a plane that's about to explode and walks away unscathed - but others are full of excitement.  An attack on the small church where Sadler and crew are holed up, complete with racing snowmobiles, is one of the action highlights of the film, and the scenes on the snowy runway that end the film are sufficiently grand in scale.

Harlin doesn't skimp on the gore either, and there are a few scenes in Die Hard 2 that would make most horror fans proud.  There are several moments of "shock" violence - like close range bullets to the forehead or icicles being used as weapons - throughout the film, and McClane's battles with the henchmen often seem like boss battles from a video game.  (On a side note, rewatching the film tonight reminded me of the excellent Die Hard Trilogy video game that I had for Playstation One back when I was in high school, which turned DH2 into a first person shooter and was a heckuva fun time.)  Another great moment in gore comes in a late film scene where a throat is slit, and the special effects allow blood to gush and tissue to be exposed as the character gasps his last breaths.  Once again, this is an area where Die Hard 2 plays a little cheesier than the first film, but it still works for the most part.

While Die Hard seemed like it could almost be a real story of a cop who holed up in a hostage filled tower, it's pretty obvious throughout that Harlin's sequel is more interested in sensationalizing John McClane's Christmas Eve path of mayhem.  This isn't a knock against the movie, it simply means that Harlin has created an action film that's designed for the popcorn crowd.  It might not be a great movie - and I think the first film is a great movie - but it is a ton of fun to watch, and I dig when a director manages that while bringing a character back for a sequel.  After all, we all need to follow Dennis Franz' lead and lighten up sometimes.  It's Christmas time!

Midnight Movies For Your Midnight Movie Lover's Christmas Stocking

(These also can be used for any other holidays or celebrations of equal or lesser value.)

If you're like me, you realize that the holidays are a time of joy, of happiness, and of rapture.  But they're also a time of boosting your movie collection.  And that's what I'm here to talk about today.  Here's a bunch of goodies - which were chosen from either my own collection or my own Christmas wish list - of stuff I might recommend as movie gifts for the nice (not naughty, because those fools done got themselves in trouble with the big man) horror and genre lovin' folks on your shopping list.

The 10th Victim - Blu-ray by Blue Underground

I dig this goofy Italian sci-fi/action/romance flick quite a bit, from its wacky reality TV prophecies to the exotic '60s fashions that Marcello Mastroianni and Ursula Andress wear. I hadn't planned to upgrade to the blu when it was announced, but reviews I read - including some with jaw dropping screencaps from the blu - pushed it to the top of my Christmas want list.

The Baby - DVD by Severin Films

I had the unique pleasure of finally meeting this movie in 2011, and anyone who loves bizarre cult classics should jump all over Severin's DVD release of the film.  As far as sleazy flicks about man-babies go, you can't get much better.

Battle Beyond the Stars - DVD/Blu-Ray by Shout! Factory

I haven't actually seen this one yet, but it's on my Christmas list for many good reasons. First of all, it's from Shout!'s Roger Corman Cult Classics collection, which has turned out nothing but gold on blu thus far.  Second, it seems to have that Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon early-'80s sci-fi feel that I love. Plus, Sybil Danning. CAN'T MISS.

Kingdom of the Spiders - DVD by Shout! Factory

This one's got it all, folks.  William Shatner as a hero. Tiffany Bolling as a babe/scientist.  A BUNCH OF EVIL SPIDERS.  Long available only on bargain bin DVDs with less than thrilling picture and sound quality, Shout! appears to have restored the shine of this Kingdom with their release. (Apparently this came out back in early 2010...oops. It still looks awesome.)

The Phantom Carriage - DVD/Blu-Ray by The Criterion Collection

For the more high-falutin' crowd, we've got a bit of silent ghost action in The Phantom Carriage, which takes us to Sweden where legends can be deadly.  Criterion's always loved by film lovers, and this is their second biggest horror release of the year (behind their also-recommended restoration of The Island of Lost Souls).

The Devil Within Her - DVD by Scorpion Releasing

Nevermind the fact that this Rosemary's Baby inspired film starts with the "Devil" getting born, and thus NOT being "within her".  Do mind the fact that this cheesy bit of goodness features a hysterical Joan Collins, Donald Pleasence, and my beloved Caroline Munro.  Scorpion Releasing has put out some interesting titles this year with hostess Katarina Leigh Waters (who does resemble Munro slightly), but this might be the most fun of their lot. (Then again, The Carpenter might be too.)

Don't Open Till Christmas - DVD by Mondo Macabro

I just found out this one had been updated by the folks over at Mondo, and it got me drooling.  A sleazy slasher to a fault, but it's certainly a unique flick about a killer who kills folks that dress up as Santa.  And it's got a bit of Caroline Munro too. <3

Horror Express - DVD/Blu-Ray Combo by Severin Films

I've tried to watch cruddy copies of this public domain horror a few times - it is, after all, touted as one of the best collaborations between Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing - but they've always been unwatchable transfers.  From what I hear, Severin has brought Horror Express back from the dead with their version - and I can't wait to see it.

The William Castle Collection - 8 Film DVD Set by Sony Pictures

This one's been around for a while, but the price seems to be in a horror fan's range this holiday season.  While much of the set is old favorites, I'm really excited that it has Castle's remake of The Old Dark House, and that it also comes with a documentary about the man himself as a bonus 9th feature!

Friday the 13th Uncut (& Friday the 13th Part 2) - Blu-Ray by Paramount Pictures

Know a horror fan who's new to blu? Considering the price and the shockingly great picture quality, the first few F13 films that are available on blu-ray are a perfect stocking stuffer.  The first three are available (though I can only vouch for the first two's picture quality) and run under $10 each at Best Buy stores.

Dawning - DVD/Blu-Ray by Breaking Glass Pictures

I've talked about this movie a bit - I'm even on one of the DVD commentaries for it - but I must reiterate that the intelligent horror fan needs a copy of Dawning this holiday season.  And not just because I'm on the DVD, but that is an added bonus for all the Midnight Warriors out there.

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That's probably about enough for today, I'm drooling on the keyboard over here.  I meant to mention a couple of releases from the folks at Media Blasters - which earlier this year promised my beloved Godzilla vs. Megalon and the Tiffany Bolling flick The Candy Snatchers - but Amazon shows both titles as on hold.  So boo to them for trying to ruin Christmas, but I've got a feeling that y'all can find something else for the genre nut who's on your Christmas list too.

So, Midnight Warriors...what flicks are on your holiday want list?