It's a Horror To Know You! (via Kindertrauma.com!)

If you didn't know, the folks over at Kindertrauma are pretty much the bee's knees. With more horror knowledge than at least 37 states and a willingness to dig up the dirt on any trauma that a viewer has stuck in their mind, they have horror covered like a first round cornerback. (I'm watching the NFL Draft, apologies for the mixing of passions!)

So, when they put together a little horror fan questionnaire (which you could go find and take by clicking right about HERE), I jumped at the chance to join the cool horror kids' party.  With no further ado, let's do this.

It's a Horror to Know You! - The Mike; From Midnight, With Love

1. What is the first film that ever scared you?

I can't really remember my first reaction to The Phantom of the Opera, but when I consider that I'm still afraid of the reveal of Lon Chaney's gnarled face, I find it hard to believe that it didn't scare Little The Mike.  One of the first scares I do really remember came from Pumpkinhead.  

Fun The Mike Story: I remember being absolutely terrified of a fella with a huge jack 'o lantern mask at one of those dreaded small town "Haunted Hayride" events when I was 8 or 9 years old (if  you've never gotten in on a small town Haunted Hayride, you're SOOOOO missing out.  They chase you with real chainsaws!), so the title Pumpkinhead alone gave me willies.  So imagine my surprise when the grotesque monster and the dark setting were even worse than that literally pumpkin headed townsperson!  I refused to revisit the film until deep into my teens.

2.What is the last film that scared you?

Much like a gimmicky haunted house, the gimmicky Grave Encounters got under my skin quickly.  Everything in this found footage film seems slightly off and incredibly uneasy and just creepy.  The film's most successful when it stalls and lingers just before creeping us out, and I might have taken a couple of breaks during tense moments the first time through.  Good times.

More recently I was creeped out again by a repeat viewing of Absentia, which creeped the heck out of me last summer and still carries some scares on home video.  It might be the most effective "scary" movie of the last five years.

3. Name three horror movies that you believe are underrated.

In no particular order:

• The Devil Rides Out - This one's been my baby for over a decade now, but I never get tired of singing its praises.  Christopher Lee vs. the occult in the funky late '60s!
• Horror Hotel/The City of the Dead - A little more Christopher Lee. This one came out the same year as Psycho and Peeping Tom and - though it's not as expertly crafted - features some similar twists.  It's atmospheric and creepy, too.
• Rogue - It's either the follow up to Wolf Creek or just-another-giant-reptile-movie to many, but I really think Greg McLean's Rogue is as good as any giant monster movie in a long, long time.  And the effects are Jaws good.  Yeah, I said JAWS.

 4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

• Dead Snow - I think I'm supposed to call this nazi zombie flick out for being full of cliches and stupid characters.  But I just can't do it.  It's fun.
• Dr. Giggles -  Parts of this thing are PAINFUL to watch. But man, Larry Drake as a psycho dentist is just plain GOLD.
• The Devil Within Her/I Don't Want To Be Born!/Sharon's Baby - The combination of Joan Collins and Donald Pleasence and Caroline Munro should not be this...bad. But when you have a demon baby and a dwarf sex curse...well, you've got something incredibly watchable.

5. Send us to five places on the Internet!
OK, this one's hard to narrow down. Am I really supposed to pick just five great places to read great stuff?
Fine. Off the top of my head, here's five. If you're not one of them and I love you, I still love you!

• Fascination With Fear - Christine always has something good to say about something good.  She's one of the few still fighting on behalf of old-school Gothic horrors while still appreciating a good bit of gore, and she also rocks.
• Planet of Terror - Cortez the Killer is a straight-up warrior when it comes to breaking down the latest in indie horror.  Always a great read and honest perspective, for better or worse.
• All Things Horror - Mike and Chris are also great champions of indie horror, and I never grow tired of their reviews and rants.  Plus they do everything in their power to bring indie horror to theater screens, and I can't commend that enough.
• Daily Grindhouse - There's about 10 billion things to love about this fast paced haven for all kinds of midnight pleasures.  Lists, interviews, trailers, news, DVD coverage - they have it all, and they know how to use it.
• Atomic Domino - I've just recently found this baby blog, but it reminds me that I need to spend a lot more time on sci-fi here. To the point and effective, Dominique has a great style going for her and I look forward to reading more.

Oh, and of course, I need to mention KINDERTRAUMA! Oh wait, I already did.  But hey, head over and tell them they're awesome anyway, and check out plenty more It's a Horror to Know You posts from horror lovers like you today!

The Horrors of Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball

When I was 13, my world was changed in a new and exciting way that surpassed anything young teen The Mike had seen since Tecmo Super Bowl happened in 1991.  That change was precipitated by nothing less than the Super Nintendo system and the classic sports game Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball.

You could probably guess that this version of The Mike was a bit of a sports nut, and you'd be right.  Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball - or, as I like to call it GRIFFEY! - took the league's biggest star and put him front and center so every young buck who loved baseball (which was still cool at the time, before the strike) would buy this game.  And we did.  But there was a catch - the makers of the game didn't have the rights to anyone else in the Major League Baseball Players Association's names.

Despite this, the makers of Griffey Baseball put real statistics of every MLB player and real jersey numbers and real attributes and relatively real appearances (plus a bit of a G.I. Joe effect, in some cases) into their game.  What wasn't named Nolan Ryan still hurled fastballs like Nolan Ryan, what wasn't named Todd Hundley was still a couple years away from his supper-slugging season for my dear 'ol Mets, and what wasn't named Mark McGwire still looked like he'd taken a few performance enhancing drugs.  All the makers of the game needed....were names.

It also had funny headlines during the post game recap.

So it came to pass that every team in the game picked up 25 fake names that fit a certain theme.  Members of the Kansas City Royals were named after U.S. Presidents.  Members of the Boston Red Sox took on the names of the characters from Cheers.  The Baltimore Orioles players were partially named after John Waters movies - with Waters' name being used for legendary shortstop Cal Ripken, Jr. And the Colorado Rockies - well, the Colorado Rockies roster was filled with famous names from horror movies.

Let's take a look at the starting lineup....

Yes, you're reading that right. Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi, is the pseudonym of lead off hitter and center fielder Alex Cole.  He's followed in the number two spot by Peter Lorre, who sits in for catcher (and current New York Yankee manager) Joe Girardi.  The meat of the order consists of Boris Karloff (doubling for slugging right fielder Dante Bichette), Lon Chaney (as first baseman Andres Galarraga, the team's representative on the National League All Star team), and Christopher Lee.  Lee subs for veteran third baseman Charlie Hayes, who was one of my favorite "grunts" in baseball at the time.  It's funny that little 'ol The Mike - who probably didn't really know who Christopher Lee was at the time - ended up playing with this team just because of Hayes a few times.

The rest of the starters are Peter Cushing in left field (replacing Jerald Clark), Oliver Reed at shortstop (for Freddie Benavides) and "Tony" Perkins at second base (for a young Eric Young, who went on to a long MLB career).  Perkins bats last among position players - even though the actor once played a baseball star in the 1957 psycho-thriller Fear Strikes Out.

The bench is a conglomoration of behind the scenes and A-list names.  The top bat of the bench is the oddly named "M. Ripper", which is the one member of the Rockies batters that confuses me. Is this supposed to be a Jack the Ripper reference, or am I missing something?  Other backups include American International Pictures schlockmaster Samuel Z. Arkoff (who's from Iowa, BTW), the legendary Roger Corman, Stephen Freakin' King, KURT RUSSELL! (who is the team's worst hitter, sadly), and Hammer maestro Terence Fisher.  Oh, and some guy named H. Alfred.  Hmmmm....I wonder who that is.  The suspense has mastered me.

As if that's not cool enough, let's check out the team's pitching staff, which includes some great names and some surprising obscurities....

The biggest surprise is the team's top starters, which include Ray Dennis Steckler, who is most famous for directing The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, and Ted V. Mikels of The Astro-Zombies fame.  They're joined by gore master Herschell Gordon Lewis, George A. Romero, and Wes Craven in the starting rotation.

You have to kind of wonder why the likes of Steckler and Mikels are given the top spots above those more loved filmmakers, and I have two theories on this.  The first, and more optimistic, theory is that the people who made the game just happened to really like the films of these two men.  Heck, it's possible. Nerds like video games, nerds like B-movies - it makes sense.  My second theory, which also kind of makes sense, is that the Rockies - due to their mile high altitude and expansion team status at the time - are generally known as the team where pitchers really, really stink.  So maybe the makers wanted stinky filmmakers atop the Rockies' pitching staff? The world may never know.

But hey, check out our bullpen!  Available for relief duty are Tom Savini, William Castle, T. Hopper (who I assume is supposed to be Tobe Hooper), and Sam Raimi (who had just made Army of Darkness at the time the game was being made). Oh, and our closer....the incomparable Vincent Price.

I don't get why the Colorado Rockies - who went a less than stellar 67-95 in their first year as a team - were chosen to represent horror in Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball.  But hey, I also don't get why it's still frickin' impossible to hit the ball well consistently with my beloved Mets

I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is...except that the fact that these horror icons (and some who aren't so iconic) were immortalized in this manner just gives me a nerd buzz.  You never know when your horror heroes are gonna cross the streams with some other cool thing in this new world of cyber nerdiness. And the fact that Ken Griffey brought them into my home years before the world was this nerdy - at least to me - is pretty freakin' cool to The Mike.

And if you disagree, I've got one thing to say to you.....

How PJ Soles (Totally) Changed The Mike's Life

When you're young, it's not always easy to foresee how the people you cross paths with will effect you in the long run.  As a teenager, one often focuses on the easy answer, lets that unwritten high school class system take over, and doesn't give much thought to the people that aren't like them.  I know those of you that know The Mike believe he is a wise and enlightened man, but I was once caught in that rut too and I didn't always realize that experiencing people who weren't "like me" wasn't always a bad thing.

But since teenage The Mike was a nerd who just sat around watching movies whenever he could - and one who lived in rural Iowa - his interactions with people who weren't like him happened really only happened through the safety of a protruding glass screen. And when I say "people who weren't like me"...I basically mean popular people.  Or cool people.  Or the people who were interesting enough to be featured in a movie.

(Anyone else remember back when television screens protruded?  Man, THOSE WERE THE DAYS!)

There were a lot of popular and cool people who taught The Mike life lessons from that box, and one of the key people that he met through that screen was a young woman by the name of PJ.  He first came across her in a decidedly un-horror manner, as she portrayed one of two military policewomen/love interests in the Bill Murray comedy Stripes.  That film was always a favorite to watch with my father, but Soles honestly was only a small part of the film's charm.  I will give her credit in one regard, however, because I always found her more likeable than her on-screen cohort, Blade Runner femme fatale Sean Young (SPOILER ALERT: Finkle is Einhorn.)

But Stripes was not the film that made PJ Soles a permanent fixture in my life.  That distinction, of course,  belongs to John Carpenter's Halloween, which needed less than 100 minutes to become permanently entrenched in my mind as my favorite horror film.  While I was certain about the film's killer and the hero and the heroine all being folks that I was quite interested in, I couldn't quite figure out what was up with that one loud mouthed cheerleader.  Now I realize: I was a bit foolish to dismiss her so easily.

Looking back, I realize that Soles' Lynda was, in a way, as much a part of the film's success with me as anything else.  It was the outlier.  While everything else, from the direction to Donald Pleasence's performance to Jamie Lee Curtis' squeaky clean image, was clearly defined and neatly placed.  At the time I thought that the film, in total, was carefully structured, adhering to a strict set of rules about the people in it.  And I see now that Lynda was the wild card.  She was not only a victim, she was the representation of chaos at work in the film.  I know what you're thinking - "Wait...isn't the escaped mental patient/mass murderer the chaos at work in the film?"  Well, yes, he is.  But to the viewer, he's a known quantity.  Heck, I'd already seen Scream by the time I saw Halloween, I knew what Michael was.  Lynda - she was something completely new to me.

None of that would be possible without Soles' natural charisma.  Though it's been said that Jamie Lee was more like Lynda in real life, you'd never expect that Soles was actually the girl on set who was opposed to smoking cigarettes on screen.  And while the character was designed to be annoying, there was something about Lynda that was surprisingly human.  Being a teenager at the time, I couldn't help thinking that this girl - who totally bugged me with her repetitive use of certain words and wasn't really a sympathetic character - was one of the most realistic characters I'd ever come across in horror.  Soles didn't take Lynda over the top, she just made her a teenager.  Even 20 years after the film and in the middle of Iowa, I could instantly picture Lynda as a character in my school - and all Soles needed to do was act naturally.

I didn't get it at the time.  I was too young, too goofy, and too oblivious to the real world around me.  I knew that Lynda was something different, but it didn't click for me for a while.  Over time, I realized that most of Halloween - and later (to me) Carrie and Rock 'N Roll High School - existed in a world that was foreign to me, but PJ Soles' turn as Lynda was a rare turn that created an imperfect character who had a place in my world.  She was an extravagant character sure, the likes of which you wouldn't expect in your everyday life.  I wasn't sure about her then, but I soon realized that her flaws made her feasible.

 Now, as I look back, it's easy to realize that Soles' work in the last half of the 1970s created some of the most interesting teenage characters put on film.  They were not the kind of people I'd expect to like in real life, but they were the kind of people who make life a bit more interesting.  Meeting Ms. Soles through that TV screen got me thinking about the people I may dismiss or shy away from in life.  And it got me thinking about the good that could be found in them too.  Maybe it's not a total victory for Mike-kind, but PJ Soles shook the pillars of my cinematic experience.  Because of that, she lives on today as one of FMWL's favorite people.

May the Fourth Be With You....

 ....with the Vader Sessions!  Because, seriously, there are two things on the internet funnier than the Vader Sessions.  (And I can't think of what they are.)  Enjoy!

G.I. Joe + The Thing = HORROR DELICIOUS

Let's hope the upcoming prequel is half as good as this.

(Thanks be to Morbid Dementia for pointing this one out.)

BEWARE THE GENRE CLONES! (Or, One Of These Days We're Gonna End Up With Pizza In Our Wallets)

Anyone remember that movie Multiplicity?  You know, the one with Michael Keaton from the great year of 1996?  Well, if you don't, I'll explain.  

Multiplicity is a movie about an average dude named Doug, played by Keaton, who simply can't handle all the responsibilities in his life, particularly struggling to balance his career aspirations with the amount of time he needs to spend with his wife (played by Andie Macdowell).  By some stroke of something - I honestly don't remember the plot details, I saw the movie like 15 years ago - Doug acquires the ability to clone himself, which allows him an extra...him, I guess.  Suddenly, stuff's getting done, things are looking up....but things still aren't quite right.  So, Doug clones himself again.  Now there's three Dougs running around, but the cloned Dougs get tired of doing so much work...and thus they create their own clone.  Doug 4 is not like the other Dougs....so much so that he calls Doug 1 "Steve" all the time, seems to be mentally impaired, and looks like this.

Now, I'm not gonna say a fourth clone who puts pizza in his wallet doesn't make for good comedy - it's the only thing I really remember from the otherwise mediocre flick - but it's not what we think of when we picture cloning.  If you're like me, you probably picture something like THIS:

...but you probably don't want something that looks like THIS.

Now, I know what you're all thinking.  You're thinking "Man, Michael Keaton is really awesome."  I agree completely.  But you also might be thinking "Hey The Mike, what's this got to do with being a fan of horror and genre flicks?"  And I've got an answer for that, too.

Allow me to introduce the Hobo With a Shotgun Trailer Contest.  If you're not familiar, click here and check it out.  Then come back here, because I'm gonna take you on a trip back in time like Marty Mc-effing-Fly.

The year is 2007, and two dudes decide they love old-school cheesy genre flicks so much that they create their own film as a tribute to those films.  This film, by a couple of dudes named Rodriguez and Tarantino, was called Grindhouse - and most genre fans lapped it up lovingly.  It accomplished a lot of the same goals as the films it followed, but it also inspired people to want even more retro-goodies.  And, since Grindhouse came with a four-pack of fake trailers, the audience's favorite - Machete - suddenly became an idea for an actual movie.

It took about three years for Mr. Rodriguez and friends to bring it to fruition, but sure enough, Machete happened.  While the film was certainly entertaining, I remember not being able to shake the feeling that something was a little bit off.  This clone was a little more polished than its predecessor, but something felt stilted.  Yet...the desire for more was still there.  And others agreed with me, because suddenly another fake trailer - one that won a contest and thus accompanied Grindhouse in some areas during its release - was becoming a feature film to.

That film is Hobo with a Shotgun, which is being currently unveiled to rave reviews.  I haven't seen the film yet, sadly, but it certainly seems to be a darker clone than Machete was.  It also seems to have shaken the Hollywood shackles that made Machete seem a bit off, and thus I am excited to see it because it seems to be a good throwback to the likes of Troma films AND a good time at the movies with some talented people.  But you can probably guess what comes along with Hobo; as this clone suddenly left the door open for more.  Now, the makers of Hobo With a Shotgun are promoting another fake trailer contest...and this time the entries bring Multipicity's Doug 4 to my memory.

I'm all about independent filmmakers getting their shot at doing something they love, but looking at these trailers - which range from "OK, that might be watchable and maybe even fun" to "Oh my God, there's an audience for something that looks like that?" in the Court of The Mike - makes me a bit sad about this spiral of cloned horror and genre films.  Is this really what we strive for?

I know the horror community is a diverse and varied sort, so I don't intend to judge.  But when I look at these five trailers, I have to wonder where genre cinema is going in the future.  We've got a slew of people trying to make the next Troma or Full Moon film.  They aren't aspiring to make the next Exorcist or Star Wars, they're trying to make the next Repossessed or Spaceballs.  They don't want to make the next Evil Dead, they want to make the next movie that will remind people of Evil Dead.

Not gonna lie, this is the one I considered possibly watchable, and thus voted for.

Look, I get that this was an opportunity for these filmmakers, and I don't want to scuttle their work.  But the resulting trailers - with one exception, which I did vote for - seem extraordinarily lazy.  And yet, I see Facebook posts and messages and events all day long telling me to vote for these films because a friend made them or because they resemble something from the back room of the video store circa 1992.  I've been urged to vote for a couple of these films by people I like and respect....and I can't for the life of me tell why.  It's like that scene in Wayne's World 2...."Do I really have to put up with this?  I know it's a small part, but I think we could get a better trailer than this?"

In the end, I don't really have room to speak on these folks' filmmaking skills.  I've never gone out and made a film or trailer, and I'm fine with that.  Regardless, I'm worried.  I'm here because I like genre cinema and because I like QUALITY cinema, and these trailers simply aren't the kind of things that excite me when it comes to genre cinema.  They're clones of clones.  And people are urging and urging and urging me to think otherwise.  I'm not buying it.  They look like Grindhouse....kinda....but I know they're gonna talk funny and call me Steve and probably have a lot of toilet humor.

You can feel free to click ahead and check out the trailers...odds are, you already have.  But I'm not really interested in how this all end, because the looks of these films have me convinced that this trend is heading straight down the drain.  I'm fine sticking to the good genre films and hoping this cycle of rehashes end one revolution too late.  Hobo With a Shotgun Trailer Contest, you were a big mistake...just like Doug 4.

What say you, Midnight Warriors?  Do these trailers appeal to you?  Am I just being crotchety?  Let me know below!  In the meantime, I'm gonna think about good clones.

By the way...I just wrote a post asking for better cinema...and used The 6th Day as an example of good.  My standards aren't too high....so either these fake trailers are that bad, or I'm just broken.  You decide.

Love Horror? Hate Cancer? Fright-Rags Has Something For You...

If you don't know of Fright-Rags, the New York based company making some of the coolest horror shirts in the history of mankind, you're severely missing out.  They're a fine group of folks who love what they do, and by all accounts do it well.  I hear that some of them love Halloween 5, which disappoints me, but I can let that slide.

Especially today.  Today, I received an email from Fright-Rags' "Guru of Gore-wear", Ben, who relayed the message that his site is offering a new shirt tomorrow.  This shirt, given the name 'We Belong Alive", is being released in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  The shirt is designed to raise awareness, but also to benefit those who suffer.  In fact, all proceeds from sales of the shirt, pictured below, will go to a friend of Ben's who is battling breast cancer and the costs that come with it.

While I'm often prone to rambling, but this is a cause that hits home for me, so I'm gonna just keep this simple.  If you'd like to offer your support to those who suffer, plus the people who love them, this shirt's for you.

The shirt can be purchased here, as of 10 AM EST on 9/1/10. 

(And, they have a lot of other awesome shirts too, BTW.)

Support Unrated Horror This Weekend? No Thanks.

If you've been around the horror community lately, you've no doubt heard the loud voices proclaiming this to be one of the most important weekends in the history of horror cinema.  If you haven't been around, allow me to explain.

Hatchet II, the follow up to Adam Green's breakout slasher from 2006, is being released "nationally" this week by AMC cinemas.  Moreover, the film will be released UNRATED - free from the censorship of the MPAA and their rating system.  According to many, such as horror bigwig Dread Central, this is a chance for horror fans to stand up and tell the world what they want to see (by giving the film money, of course).

With all due respect to those involved with the movie (I like Hatchet, and we'll talk about it more later), those involved with sites pimping this release, and those who disagree - I'm going to take my own stand.  Here are some reasons why I - and probably I only - think this ad campaign and the path of Hatchet II doesn't speak for all horror fans, despite their sweeping generalizations.

This "nationwide" release is nowhere near nationwide - I've been an employee of one of the nation's largest theater chains, and the moment Hatchet II's unrated release was announced I knew that it would never - ever - play in my home state.  Quite simply, most theater chains WILL NOT carry unrated cinema of any kind.  A look at the opening weekend venues of Hatchet II, as posted online, shows that only 20 of the 50 United States will play Hatchet II.  To the studio that probably doesn't matter, because AMC cinemas covers the major moneymaking markets.  But there are huge portions of the country that will not see the film.  Basically, the choice to go unrated is costing millions of viewers a chance to see the film.  I'm sure the filmmakers' will say that the film selling in these markets is what will change the other chains' minds.  Considering the mediocre results of online campaigns on past horror "sensations", I highly doubt they'll meet that goal.  It's another case of the entertainment industry separating the haves and havenots.

(Some people have been so bold as to even suggest that those of us from the 90% of America that won't see Hatchet II in theaters should blindly buy tickets on-line and support unrated horror in that manner.  In other words - "If you're interested in the vague prospect of more unrated horror films, buy this product sight unseen!".  I mean, we all want it that way, right? Send your money, and in return...well, in return you can spend more money to pick up the DVD at Wal-Mart!  That way, the studio's pocketbooks win twice!)

After Green's latest films, a return to Hatchet seems like a step back - Since the release of Hatchet - a flawed slasher that cut corners to create scares and was devoid of any real characters - Green has been a part of directing two fantastic horror thrillers, Spiral and Frozen.  These films show that Green has a lot of talent as a serious horror filmmaker.  Hatchet, on the other hand, felt like a glorified piece of fan fiction that was entirely interested in producing gore and showing breasts.  We like to claim that that's all horror fans like, but I know that most of us are bigger than that.  Hatchet is a fun film, and I'm sure seeing the amped up sequel on the big screen with a howling audience would be fun - but I still feel like it could be a step back artisticly.  Yet people are lapping it up, because it promises violence and gore.  Which leads to my biggest issue with the film's pitch...

The UNRATED label is a crutch - I know, I haven't seen the movie yet, but I fail to see any good reason why unrated horror is inherently better than any other horror film.  To me, the assumption that the film will be better because it hasn't passed the rating tests is absolutely ridiculous.  I can not, for the life of me, think of one time in my life when I've been watching a truly fantastic horror movie and stopped to think "You know, this movie would be sooooo much better if it were unrated!"  Not once.

It personally offends me when I see all these people clamoring that they won't see a horror movie because it's PG-13 and that those few extra seconds of gore will make or break a film.  Sites like Dread Central imply that horror fans - in total - are mindless drones who are interested in the gore and sex first and any cinematic qualities second.  We're being painted as a singular force with only one interest - which Hatchet II will meet.

Despite what some sites would have you believe, there are a lot of people who - wisely - don't believe that the horror genre peaked during the 1980s.  They're the people who fondly remember the classic horror films from Universal Studios, who swoon over Hammer Films, and who recall the intelligent horrors of the '70s as something special, unlike the commercial, paint-by-numbers efforts that filled the glam decade.  Those behind Hatchet - who proclaim their film to be "Old School American Horror" - seem to share the slim view of horror that values Kane Hodder over Vincent Price and Boris Karloff.

Currently circulating trailers for Hatchet II focus entirely on the fact that the film is being released with more gore and deaths than anything you've seen on the big screen in the last 25 years.  Does it mention the plot? Nope.  Who the characters are? Except for bland returning killer Victor Crowley, nope.  Anything about the film besides the fact it's unrated and extreme?  Not that I can see.  Check out the following trailer to see for yourself. (In case you can't guess, this preview is most certainly NSFW.)

I am a proud fan of horror cinema, and am glad to support artists everywhere in their quest to see their films made without interference.  But I'm also a fan of making up my mind on my own - and this tactic for pimping Hatchet II reminds me of why I don't blindly follow the "cool kids" in the horror scene.  Some people want to believe a sequel to a DVD hit is going to change the landscape of horror forever, just because there's no limit on the amount of blood sprayed.  I fail to believe that horror fans - on the whole - are so obtuse.

If you want to see Hatchet II, see Hatchet II.  (All the details are in the Dread Central post I linked.)  I'll probably see it on DVD, but I'll see it because I love that it stars Danielle Harris and Tony Todd.  I'll see it because I think Green is a fine horror director who has a lot of fun loving the genre, and because it's probable that the gains he's made as a filmmaker since Hatchet will make this a superior sequel.  I'll see it because I have little doubt it'll be a fun ride.  I will not, however, see it simply because it's being labeled as UNRATED - because I can't believe that it's necessary for a film to be unrated to be sufficiently violent.  If a filmmaker really thinks they can't tell a violent story within a system that allows the likes of Taxi Driver, Kill Bill, and Machete, that filmmaker should probably reconsider whether their story is really worth telling.

Horror has survived - and succeeded - for more than 40 years despite the MPAA.  Under their rules, William Friedkin made The Exorcist, John Carpenter made The Thing, and Wes Craven made A Nightmare on Elm Street. Maybe Hatchet II knows some secret to success that tops those films - and all the other great horrors that have come before it - I'd like to see it.  But I'm not going to blindly jump through the film's hoops because it promises to subvert the system.  And I'm kind of pissed off that people are implying that I should.

If that makes me less of a horror fan, so be it.

The Horror Blogger Meme of the Day (plus, STUFF!)

Hey Midnight Warriors, hope you're having a spooktastic weekend (or at least enjoying a random image of Captain Chaos). By now you've probably noticed that bloggers love MEMES. Me, I never even heard of that word before I started blogging. Totally looked it up finally, too. Basically, it means a cultural thing that spreads like herpes. But in this case, thanks to Pax over at Billy Loves Stu, is awesome.

Before that, a couple more thank yous need to be given to blogs that have mentioned FMWL in the ongoing Blog Award things this week (which, according to my understanding, is definitely a MEME!) Thanks to Matt over at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, Micah over at 365HorrorMovie.com, and The Girl Who Loves Horror over at...The Girl Who Loves Horror! All fine folks with better than fine blogs! Or maybe they're better than fine folks with fine blogs. Either way, they're awesome, and you should check them out.

Now, it's time for All About MEME:

The First Ever Billy Loves Stu Meme for Horror Bloggers

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:
Hopefully, some coherent thoughts amidst droolings about movies I love.

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?

A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)

B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)

C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)

D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)

E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's)

F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)

G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)

H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

Ain't no party like a Halloween Era tea party.

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:

(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)

A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?

(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)

B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

Well, it's definitely between Sue and Chris, but do I really have to go to the prom? I guess I'll pick Chris, because if she cops a 'tude I can leave her on the curb and go home to watch horror movies.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

Not necessarily a horror project, but I've always wanted to see a Buck Rodgers/Flash Gordon-esque space epic/fictional biopic featuring '80s singer Kim Carnes battling an evil space princess with Bette Davis Eyes. For horror, recently I've been obsessed with someone making a monster movie about CRACK SQUIRRELS.

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?

Gonna get some guff on this one, but I've never bothered to see all of the Nightmare on Elm Street films. The first one's ending turned me off on Freddy and, while I love Dream Warriors, I just never really got into it completely.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

Absolutely NOT. In fact, I've long believed that The Rock is the movie that made me The Mike. I'd rather watch it than almost anything. No one that makes something that awesome can possibly be Rob Zombie...errr, the Antichrist. Plus, Bay once tweeted this:

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

Always felt sympathy for Wolfie and Frankie, so in general I guess I'll go with Dracula. In a fight, Wolf Man.

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

Recently, the icy stares of Marion Cotillard in Inception sent shivers flying down my spine.

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

An exorcist.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

While I don't deny the occasional dream of actually getting paid to write and not having my day job, mostly I just want to interact with horror fans and cult movie lovers. I live in Iowa, there are two horror fans in this state.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?

Two exorcists. And a hatchet.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Godzilla. Ain't no way he's leaving my beloved Minilla an orphan.

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

Umm, I'm pretty sure I've dissed him enough that I wouldn't need to post anything new. Except maybe a giant GO AWAY.

14: What is your favorite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

Rear Window has been my favorite movie for a long, long time. It's almost perfect.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

Forcing my friends to watch movies they'd hate and getting frustrated about them not being as awesome as me, basically.

Some Call Me Versatile, Even Though That's Not My Name!

Good afternoon, Midnight Warriors. While I plan to bring you all a fine Random Horror Throwdown this evening, I thought I'd take a moment this afternoon to spread some blog cheer. You see, the fantastic Mr. Joe Monster from over at From Beyond Depraved felt the itch to offer FMWL the prestigious Versatile Blogger Award. While I don't usually partake in these blog award shindigs, I'm feeling most appreciative of late and am more than happy to accept this honor.

With great awards comes great responsibility, so I must fulfill some conditions that come with the award. Primarily, the recipient should 1) Thank the blogger who gave the award; b) Share 7 random facts about theirself; and, lastly, pass the award on to 15 wonderful bloggers who they find to be most fantastic. Done and done.

First of all, Joe Monster. If you haven't experienced From Beyond Depraved yet, you're missing one of the most fantastic young horror blogs on the web. Mr. Monster is one of the most talented writers I've come across, and his passion for the horror genre bleeds through each of his posts. He's quickly become one of the most likeable folks in the horror blog world, and I'm most grateful to receive this award from him.

But enough about him, let's talk about me. (One of my least favorite topics, I assure you.) Seven things you probably don't know about The Mike...begin now.

1. I occasionally sit around cross-legged with one leg (or at least one calf) directly on top of the other. It's weird, but comfy. In fact, I'm doing it right now.
2. I grew up assuming I would take over our family's farm, which had been around for over 100 years. Alas, it was not to be, and I moved on to become a city-dweller (at least in Iowan terms).
3. My quest to bring the horror genre to the world began at a young age. In 2nd Grade, I completed a project for display in a school fair which featured histories of Universal's Monsters, King Kong, Godzilla, and more, all set to one of those scary sound effects cassettes that played through my red tape player.4. I learned to read at age 2 by memorizing The Berenstain Bears and The Spooky Old Tree. Do they dare go into the spooky old tree? Do they dare? Yes, they dare!
5. Last fall, I spent about two months recovering from a knee-injury that occurred while I was dancing to Lady Gaga. (She told me to Just Dance, so I feel she's responsible for damages.)
6. I graduated from college (Iowa State University, to be exact....GO CYCLONES!) with a minor in English. This only happened because I realized I had enough credits for one after taking a couple of film classes and a Science Fiction course.
7. I'm really fond of clocks. No idea why, I just always end up stopping and staring at the clocks in any store. I assume this is due to some kind of alien imprinting, and that when the invasion happens it will turn out that I've already been marked as a "sleeper" agent. (OK, that last sentence isn't true...I hope.)

Now, the fun part, spreading the love, like a joyous rash, to 15 amazing blogs. Mr. Monster's list of blogs covers about 14 of the ones I'd have named (I'm shunning, of course, that From Midnight fellow), but I'm still running into trouble cutting my list down to 15. To those I follow and love who aren't listed below, I apologize.She Blogged By Night
Shredded Cheddar
I Like Horror Movies
Hey! Look Behind You
Z for Zombies
Dead End Drive-In
The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever
Cinema Obsessed
The Person You Benefit From Knowing
Heart in a Jar
Midnight Fright
The Kid in the Hall
The WGON Helicopter
Radiation-Scarred Reviews
Enter The Man-Cave

Thanks to all these fab bloggers for continuing to be fab. Read them, read From Beyond Depraved, read the blogs he listed...read so much that you never need to come back to this hole-in-the-wall site!

(But please, come back anyway. I won't bite.)

That One Time When Christopher Lee Hosted Saturday Night Live

If you're like me, you love looking back at the joys of Saturday Night Live. While I wasn't quite born when the show first aired, looking back at the initial seasons of the show and the cast of comedy geniuses fills me with awe. So, imagine the shock that occurred when I put in a disk from SNL's third season and found that something magical happened on March 25, 1978. On that night, Saturday Night Live was hosted by horror icon (and member of FMWL's first Hall of Fame class) Christopher Lee.Surprised? Me too. Thankfully, Mr. Lee explained himself with this monologue:

I'm quite sure that when some of you heard that Christopher Lee was going to host Saturday Night Live you were somewhat surprised, if not a little apprehensive. Well, so was I. In fact, I approached this whole thing with considerable trepidation and dread. You see, I've seen the show, and I admire it enormously; at times I even find it...quite humorous. You know, I've appeared in over 130 motion pictures, and not ALL of them begin at 3 AM on Channel 9. I was The Man With The Golden Gun in the James Bond film; I, uh, played with Raquel Welch in The Three or Four Musketeers; I drowned in Airport '77, and I'm sure that you will remember me vividly as Trixie in The Honeymooners. As you may know, I first came to public attention as a result of my appearances in certain rather eerie and even macabre films. But you may be surprised to know that I haven't made one in several years. This is because I have a great deal of respect for this kind of film, and I don't think that very good ones are being produced anymore. Week after week, I find myself receiving scripts like The Creature from the Black Studies Program...and Frankenstein Snubs The Wolf Man...and of course, Dr. Terror's House of Pancakes. To give you an idea of the depths to which this sort of picture has sunk nowadays, I can't do better than to show you some coming attractions. Here then, are the trailers for three current films:

That was followed up by three trailers featuring the SNL cast: The Island of Lost Luggage (in which "No one will be seated during the horrifying tote bag sequence"), The Thing That Wouldn't Leave (in which John Belushi overstays his welcome and terrorizes Bill Murray and Jane Curtin), and Dr. Jekyll and Mister Rogers (in which Dan Aykroyd plays Vincent Price playing both the mad doctor and the sweatery (Thanks to Emily C!) TV host). After the three trailers aired, the show cut back to Lee who smiled knowingly and said "See what I mean?"Lee only appeared in three skits during the episode, competing for air time with Weekend Update, two musical performances, stand-up by Richard Belzer, a short film by Gary Weis (which features Stacy Keach!), AND an episode of Mr. Bill. But when he did get into the show, he didn't disappoint.

The first skit featured Lee as My Fair Lady's Professor Henry Higgins (originally played by Rex Harrison), who is faced with the challenge of helping out a young TV personality with a speech impediment - ABC's Barbara Walters. The skit works best when music swells up to introduce a musical number...which never happens. It's probably the least interesting of the skits Lee's in - primarily because the movie was already about 10 years old and is now nearly 40 years old - but he plays the role well.
Near the midpoint of the episode, Lee shows up in a full costume as an incarnation of Death itself. It seems a young girl, played by Laraine Newman, has just lost her pet dog, and Death feels a little sorry about it. He explains his profession to the youngster, stating "it's a living", but occasionally gets frustrated with her. When she continues to list the pets she's had that have died, Lee is forced to shout "So I don't like small animals!" The two make peace, and just before he leaves the young girl asks for a kiss good night. Lee fights back the urge to smile as he warns her: "Don't tempt me!"
Later in the show, Lee plays a role that he's familiar with - though he was usually on the other side of the set. With Belushi assisting him, Lee plays a stake-wielding hero whose name might just be Van Helsing. But the duo aren't after a vampire...they're after disgraced ex-President Richard Nixon. Dan Aykroyd plays the non-crook, and is the funniest part of the skit. Lee again seems to be playing the straight man in the scene, but his willingness to mock the character that helped make him famous is quite enjoyable.

Perhaps the biggest laugh of the show comes, however, when Lee introduces the musical guest. He motions toward the band, and grandly pronounces "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like you all to meet....LOAF!" Lee plays confused for a moment, listening to a stagehand, before apologizing to the audience; and proceeds to properly introduce Meat Loaf.Maybe Sir Christopher Lee wasn't the most suited to host the show, especially alongside the comedy heavyweights of that era, but it's most welcome to see him out there having fun. As the show closes, Lee seems genuinely grateful for the opportunity, and the smile on his face is nearly as big as the one that was on mine seeing one of my favorite actors hosting the show I'd never have expected.

And really, if Betty White can do it, why can't we get an encore performance 32 years later? Who's with me????