BEWARE THE GENRE CLONES! (Or, One Of These Days We're Gonna End Up With Pizza In Our Wallets)

Anyone remember that movie Multiplicity?  You know, the one with Michael Keaton from the great year of 1996?  Well, if you don't, I'll explain.  

Multiplicity is a movie about an average dude named Doug, played by Keaton, who simply can't handle all the responsibilities in his life, particularly struggling to balance his career aspirations with the amount of time he needs to spend with his wife (played by Andie Macdowell).  By some stroke of something - I honestly don't remember the plot details, I saw the movie like 15 years ago - Doug acquires the ability to clone himself, which allows him an extra...him, I guess.  Suddenly, stuff's getting done, things are looking up....but things still aren't quite right.  So, Doug clones himself again.  Now there's three Dougs running around, but the cloned Dougs get tired of doing so much work...and thus they create their own clone.  Doug 4 is not like the other Dougs....so much so that he calls Doug 1 "Steve" all the time, seems to be mentally impaired, and looks like this.

Now, I'm not gonna say a fourth clone who puts pizza in his wallet doesn't make for good comedy - it's the only thing I really remember from the otherwise mediocre flick - but it's not what we think of when we picture cloning.  If you're like me, you probably picture something like THIS:

...but you probably don't want something that looks like THIS.

Now, I know what you're all thinking.  You're thinking "Man, Michael Keaton is really awesome."  I agree completely.  But you also might be thinking "Hey The Mike, what's this got to do with being a fan of horror and genre flicks?"  And I've got an answer for that, too.

Allow me to introduce the Hobo With a Shotgun Trailer Contest.  If you're not familiar, click here and check it out.  Then come back here, because I'm gonna take you on a trip back in time like Marty Mc-effing-Fly.

The year is 2007, and two dudes decide they love old-school cheesy genre flicks so much that they create their own film as a tribute to those films.  This film, by a couple of dudes named Rodriguez and Tarantino, was called Grindhouse - and most genre fans lapped it up lovingly.  It accomplished a lot of the same goals as the films it followed, but it also inspired people to want even more retro-goodies.  And, since Grindhouse came with a four-pack of fake trailers, the audience's favorite - Machete - suddenly became an idea for an actual movie.

It took about three years for Mr. Rodriguez and friends to bring it to fruition, but sure enough, Machete happened.  While the film was certainly entertaining, I remember not being able to shake the feeling that something was a little bit off.  This clone was a little more polished than its predecessor, but something felt stilted.  Yet...the desire for more was still there.  And others agreed with me, because suddenly another fake trailer - one that won a contest and thus accompanied Grindhouse in some areas during its release - was becoming a feature film to.

That film is Hobo with a Shotgun, which is being currently unveiled to rave reviews.  I haven't seen the film yet, sadly, but it certainly seems to be a darker clone than Machete was.  It also seems to have shaken the Hollywood shackles that made Machete seem a bit off, and thus I am excited to see it because it seems to be a good throwback to the likes of Troma films AND a good time at the movies with some talented people.  But you can probably guess what comes along with Hobo; as this clone suddenly left the door open for more.  Now, the makers of Hobo With a Shotgun are promoting another fake trailer contest...and this time the entries bring Multipicity's Doug 4 to my memory.

I'm all about independent filmmakers getting their shot at doing something they love, but looking at these trailers - which range from "OK, that might be watchable and maybe even fun" to "Oh my God, there's an audience for something that looks like that?" in the Court of The Mike - makes me a bit sad about this spiral of cloned horror and genre films.  Is this really what we strive for?

I know the horror community is a diverse and varied sort, so I don't intend to judge.  But when I look at these five trailers, I have to wonder where genre cinema is going in the future.  We've got a slew of people trying to make the next Troma or Full Moon film.  They aren't aspiring to make the next Exorcist or Star Wars, they're trying to make the next Repossessed or Spaceballs.  They don't want to make the next Evil Dead, they want to make the next movie that will remind people of Evil Dead.

Not gonna lie, this is the one I considered possibly watchable, and thus voted for.

Look, I get that this was an opportunity for these filmmakers, and I don't want to scuttle their work.  But the resulting trailers - with one exception, which I did vote for - seem extraordinarily lazy.  And yet, I see Facebook posts and messages and events all day long telling me to vote for these films because a friend made them or because they resemble something from the back room of the video store circa 1992.  I've been urged to vote for a couple of these films by people I like and respect....and I can't for the life of me tell why.  It's like that scene in Wayne's World 2...."Do I really have to put up with this?  I know it's a small part, but I think we could get a better trailer than this?"

In the end, I don't really have room to speak on these folks' filmmaking skills.  I've never gone out and made a film or trailer, and I'm fine with that.  Regardless, I'm worried.  I'm here because I like genre cinema and because I like QUALITY cinema, and these trailers simply aren't the kind of things that excite me when it comes to genre cinema.  They're clones of clones.  And people are urging and urging and urging me to think otherwise.  I'm not buying it.  They look like Grindhouse....kinda....but I know they're gonna talk funny and call me Steve and probably have a lot of toilet humor.

You can feel free to click ahead and check out the trailers...odds are, you already have.  But I'm not really interested in how this all end, because the looks of these films have me convinced that this trend is heading straight down the drain.  I'm fine sticking to the good genre films and hoping this cycle of rehashes end one revolution too late.  Hobo With a Shotgun Trailer Contest, you were a big mistake...just like Doug 4.

What say you, Midnight Warriors?  Do these trailers appeal to you?  Am I just being crotchety?  Let me know below!  In the meantime, I'm gonna think about good clones.

By the way...I just wrote a post asking for better cinema...and used The 6th Day as an example of good.  My standards aren't too high....so either these fake trailers are that bad, or I'm just broken.  You decide.

Support Unrated Horror This Weekend? No Thanks.

If you've been around the horror community lately, you've no doubt heard the loud voices proclaiming this to be one of the most important weekends in the history of horror cinema.  If you haven't been around, allow me to explain.

Hatchet II, the follow up to Adam Green's breakout slasher from 2006, is being released "nationally" this week by AMC cinemas.  Moreover, the film will be released UNRATED - free from the censorship of the MPAA and their rating system.  According to many, such as horror bigwig Dread Central, this is a chance for horror fans to stand up and tell the world what they want to see (by giving the film money, of course).

With all due respect to those involved with the movie (I like Hatchet, and we'll talk about it more later), those involved with sites pimping this release, and those who disagree - I'm going to take my own stand.  Here are some reasons why I - and probably I only - think this ad campaign and the path of Hatchet II doesn't speak for all horror fans, despite their sweeping generalizations.

This "nationwide" release is nowhere near nationwide - I've been an employee of one of the nation's largest theater chains, and the moment Hatchet II's unrated release was announced I knew that it would never - ever - play in my home state.  Quite simply, most theater chains WILL NOT carry unrated cinema of any kind.  A look at the opening weekend venues of Hatchet II, as posted online, shows that only 20 of the 50 United States will play Hatchet II.  To the studio that probably doesn't matter, because AMC cinemas covers the major moneymaking markets.  But there are huge portions of the country that will not see the film.  Basically, the choice to go unrated is costing millions of viewers a chance to see the film.  I'm sure the filmmakers' will say that the film selling in these markets is what will change the other chains' minds.  Considering the mediocre results of online campaigns on past horror "sensations", I highly doubt they'll meet that goal.  It's another case of the entertainment industry separating the haves and havenots.

(Some people have been so bold as to even suggest that those of us from the 90% of America that won't see Hatchet II in theaters should blindly buy tickets on-line and support unrated horror in that manner.  In other words - "If you're interested in the vague prospect of more unrated horror films, buy this product sight unseen!".  I mean, we all want it that way, right? Send your money, and in return...well, in return you can spend more money to pick up the DVD at Wal-Mart!  That way, the studio's pocketbooks win twice!)

After Green's latest films, a return to Hatchet seems like a step back - Since the release of Hatchet - a flawed slasher that cut corners to create scares and was devoid of any real characters - Green has been a part of directing two fantastic horror thrillers, Spiral and Frozen.  These films show that Green has a lot of talent as a serious horror filmmaker.  Hatchet, on the other hand, felt like a glorified piece of fan fiction that was entirely interested in producing gore and showing breasts.  We like to claim that that's all horror fans like, but I know that most of us are bigger than that.  Hatchet is a fun film, and I'm sure seeing the amped up sequel on the big screen with a howling audience would be fun - but I still feel like it could be a step back artisticly.  Yet people are lapping it up, because it promises violence and gore.  Which leads to my biggest issue with the film's pitch...

The UNRATED label is a crutch - I know, I haven't seen the movie yet, but I fail to see any good reason why unrated horror is inherently better than any other horror film.  To me, the assumption that the film will be better because it hasn't passed the rating tests is absolutely ridiculous.  I can not, for the life of me, think of one time in my life when I've been watching a truly fantastic horror movie and stopped to think "You know, this movie would be sooooo much better if it were unrated!"  Not once.

It personally offends me when I see all these people clamoring that they won't see a horror movie because it's PG-13 and that those few extra seconds of gore will make or break a film.  Sites like Dread Central imply that horror fans - in total - are mindless drones who are interested in the gore and sex first and any cinematic qualities second.  We're being painted as a singular force with only one interest - which Hatchet II will meet.

Despite what some sites would have you believe, there are a lot of people who - wisely - don't believe that the horror genre peaked during the 1980s.  They're the people who fondly remember the classic horror films from Universal Studios, who swoon over Hammer Films, and who recall the intelligent horrors of the '70s as something special, unlike the commercial, paint-by-numbers efforts that filled the glam decade.  Those behind Hatchet - who proclaim their film to be "Old School American Horror" - seem to share the slim view of horror that values Kane Hodder over Vincent Price and Boris Karloff.

Currently circulating trailers for Hatchet II focus entirely on the fact that the film is being released with more gore and deaths than anything you've seen on the big screen in the last 25 years.  Does it mention the plot? Nope.  Who the characters are? Except for bland returning killer Victor Crowley, nope.  Anything about the film besides the fact it's unrated and extreme?  Not that I can see.  Check out the following trailer to see for yourself. (In case you can't guess, this preview is most certainly NSFW.)

I am a proud fan of horror cinema, and am glad to support artists everywhere in their quest to see their films made without interference.  But I'm also a fan of making up my mind on my own - and this tactic for pimping Hatchet II reminds me of why I don't blindly follow the "cool kids" in the horror scene.  Some people want to believe a sequel to a DVD hit is going to change the landscape of horror forever, just because there's no limit on the amount of blood sprayed.  I fail to believe that horror fans - on the whole - are so obtuse.

If you want to see Hatchet II, see Hatchet II.  (All the details are in the Dread Central post I linked.)  I'll probably see it on DVD, but I'll see it because I love that it stars Danielle Harris and Tony Todd.  I'll see it because I think Green is a fine horror director who has a lot of fun loving the genre, and because it's probable that the gains he's made as a filmmaker since Hatchet will make this a superior sequel.  I'll see it because I have little doubt it'll be a fun ride.  I will not, however, see it simply because it's being labeled as UNRATED - because I can't believe that it's necessary for a film to be unrated to be sufficiently violent.  If a filmmaker really thinks they can't tell a violent story within a system that allows the likes of Taxi Driver, Kill Bill, and Machete, that filmmaker should probably reconsider whether their story is really worth telling.

Horror has survived - and succeeded - for more than 40 years despite the MPAA.  Under their rules, William Friedkin made The Exorcist, John Carpenter made The Thing, and Wes Craven made A Nightmare on Elm Street. Maybe Hatchet II knows some secret to success that tops those films - and all the other great horrors that have come before it - I'd like to see it.  But I'm not going to blindly jump through the film's hoops because it promises to subvert the system.  And I'm kind of pissed off that people are implying that I should.

If that makes me less of a horror fan, so be it.