Midnight Top 5 - Dickholes in Horror Movies

The history of horror films has been full of psychotic characters and evil characters, but it's also been full of idiots, morons, buffoons, imbeciles, and even troglodytes. As if that's not enough, there are often dicks and assholes (and maybe the third type that Team America mentioned, but I'm trying to stay classy here). But a chosen few characters have crossed the streams of dick and asshole behaviors and become the worst of the worst - dickholes. You know dickholes. They're the people that you want to punch in the groin as soon as you see them. They're not the people whose behavior is justified by a lack of intelligence, a moral choice, or a mental imbalance....they're just dickholes without knowing it.

With no further ado, I present a Midnight Top 5 list of Dickholes in Horror that make my rage fly.Steve (played by Ty Burrell) in Dawn of the Dead '04 - Steve's the kind of dickhole that is almost enjoyable to be around, until he speaks a third time. "Oh yeah, that's funny Steve!" "Ha, dog with a ham sandwich! That's funny Steve!" *pause* *pause* *pause*

Yes, that's right, you're at that point where you've gone from patronizing Steve to just wishing he weren't around any more. And you can't even talk about it. You're just shocked at his dickholeness. (And, like many dickholes, he still somehow gets a younger, more good-looking chick interested enough to bone on camera.)Cleopatra (played by Olga Baclanova) in Freaks - One of the first female dickholes (Gals, don't act like there aren't lady dickholes out there!) of all-time, Cleopatra ranks high in several dickhole categories - specifically the inability to control herself when drunk, the desire to use those weaker than her, and - of course - the lust for money at any expense. Moreover, she uses her body as a weapon (with some help from poison) to get her way.

Well, at least for a while. The Gods of Dickhole Smiting did not miss Cleopatra's actions. Kudos to them.Trevor Lyle (played by Xander Berkeley) in Candyman - College ladies, THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH PROFESSORS! Because someday, when you get involved with an urban not-quite-legend that leads to a bee-infested gigantor with a hook stalking you and framing you for murders while pleading that you be his victim...the only thing you're gonna have to rely on is this guy.

Trouble is, he's off boning the next college lady. Good luck, Helen. He got what he needed and broomed you fast. (BTW, what's with dickholes and boning? I mean, anatomically it makes sense...but still. You gals are smarter than that, right?)Harry Cooper (played by Karl Hardman) in Night of the Living Dead - Harry Cooper is what the French would call "le dikhol clasique". I mean, this is what being a dickhole is all about - you're surrounded by flesh eating ghouls, your daughter's hurt, some people are trying to HELP YOU. And you....you're too stubborn and racist to help out! Moreover, you try to convince others your dickhole ways are not dickholish, and get them into deadly situations. Mr. Cooper, it's safe to say you reek of dickholocity.Tina Williams (played by Wendy Kaplan) in Halloween 5 - I have to get this off my chest immediately - there is no one living or dead, real or fictional, that I HATE more than Tina Williams of Halloween 5. Seriously, Tina, you're the "good" character with the least redeeming qualities of all-time. You speak of hearts made of neon and sing doopty-doo songs, but you're a moron who's annoying, doesn't care about your friends (seriously, your "best friend" was laying upstairs DEAD and you didn't think to go check...or to mention her again in the next 12 hours), and looks like the 1980s' vomit.

Moreover, you're so annoying that even Michael Myers, who is the personification of EVIL, had you in a car and LET YOU GO because you're THAT annoying. Congratulations, you're the only person older than 10 that Michael's ever spared. I still don't believe he really killed you out in that field, because your scream is so piercing that he probably ran the opposite direction while your neon blood healed itself to let you go on living your terrifyingly awful existence.

Tina Williams isn't entirely a dickhole, she kinda seems to care about little Jamie (except for the part when she decides Jamie's fears aren't more important than her chances to get boned), but since dickhole's an insult and I have a chance to use it on her, I am.
Honorable Mention: The Lifetime Non-Horror Movie Dickhole Award goes to William Atherton - Dude plays a fantastic dickhole. He did it in Ghostbusters, he did it in two Die Hards, and he even did it in Bio-Dome. When you're gonna blow up a dome that includes both a) a Baldwin (even if it is Stephen) and b) a young and sumptuous Kylie Minogue - YOU'RE A DICKHOLE.

Did I forget any dickholes that get you raving? Hit up the comments below. Also, feel free to come suggest a Midnight Top 5 topic on the discussion board of From Midnight, With Love's facebook fan page.

Black Women in Horror History Month - Week 3

In the first two weeks of this journey, I've focused on black women who've been on the side of good in horror films. But I got to wondering over the last few days, what about the other side? Where are what my father would call the "bad muddatrucka" ladies of horror? And after much deliberation, I thought of a chilling vampire performances that deserves mention.

It is not, as you might expect, the performance of the late Aaliyah in the Anne Rice adaptation Queen of the Damned. While the starlet who was taken too soon is more than adequate in the film, the film itself is still a bore who features the always annoying Stuart Townsend as its lead. And moreover, there's an earlier performance that the portrayal of Queen Akasha reminds me of.That performance is given by the unique actress Grace Jones in the 1986 bit of cheese entitled Vamp. I chronicled Vamp briefly last October, but didn't spend much time on Jones' role in the film. As I noted back then, two students take a trip to a seedy gentlemen's club looking to bring some...we'll say entertainment...back to the fraternity they're trying to get accepted into, and are soon enamored by the main attraction on stage - a statuesque creature of the night called Katrina.

Unlike many VHS-cover-promoted villains of horror's glam decade (i.e. - Fright Night), Katrina is more than a footnote in the film's tale of terrors. Jones provides a dynamic physical presence in the film, and it's hard to consider another actress in memory who could provide such a balance between being a physical threat and an exotic and sensual creature. The former model for Andy Warhol and disco songstress had just hit her cinematic peak as a villain in the James Bond film A View to a Kill (alongside Christopher Walken!), and the transfer to starring as the titular bloodsucker here was a seamless one.

While most killers of the mid '80s fit the same profile - white men with traumatic pasts that guide their actions - Grace Jones' Katrina is a rare breed. She's presented as a villain who's completely in control of her actions, and one who is willingly choosing to partake in the deadly activities of the night. One of the few black women to be immortalized as a powerful villain in horror, it's an honor to look back at the Jamaican born Grace Jones and her small - but well-earned - place in horror history.

Midnight in The Twilight Zone - Dust

Welcome to Midnight in The Twilight Zone, a new feature in which I look at some of my favorite episodes of what I consider the most fantastic anthology of the unknown ever produced. Each installment will feature one episode, starting tonight with Dust.

"There was a village, built of crumbling clay and rotting wood. And it squatted ugly under a broiling sun like a sick and mangy animal waiting to die. This village had a virus, shared by its people. It was the germ of squalor, of hopelessness, of a loss of faith. With the faithless, the hopeless, the misery-laden, there is time - ample time - to engage in one of the other pursuits of men. They begin to destroy themselves."

If you haven't seen the episode, you can view it at IMDB by clicking HERE.

Though Rod Serling did far better than I ever could, I present Dust, one of the most heartbreaking episodes of the series I've ever seen. In a town where a penitent young man is about to hanged for an accident that killed a young girl, the pig of a salesman (Thomas Gomez in a completely-vile-yet-PG-drunken-Orson-Welles-esque performance) that sold the hanging rope offers the boy's immigrant father a bag of magic dust which "turns hate into love". Of course, the dust is simply dirt he grabbed at the moment, and has no significant background.
Watching the boy's father, played by Vladimir Sokoloff, become ridiculed in front of the town's uncaring residents as he pleas for his son's life is one of the most tear inducing moments from the series' run. Sokoloff died just over a year after the episode aired, and it's sad to say that the aging Russian actor looked the part of a man in despair. As he flails his arms and screams for sympathy, the townsfolk do what most people today would do too - they break out in laughter. It's a breathtakingly sad moment.

But, things are not always as they seem in The Twilight Zone and the episode's plot comes to a more satisfying conclusion than many of its counterparts. While it's a bit heavy with its message and climaxes too early, Dust is a fantastic example of what The series asked us to "pay heed to the magic" many times before (and many more times after) Dust aired in the first week of 1961, but few episodes look as deeply into human despair as Serling's story for this episode did. And as he sums it up, in the human heart there is "a wizardry that costs far more than a few pieces of gold".

I'm not sure I know what that means, but I'm glad he said it with Dust.

The Post in Which I Willingly Watch Twilight (And Vow to Never Speak of it Again)

It's 5:14 pm on The Day That Shall Not Be Named For Fear of Owing Royalties to Greeting Card Companies. And I, The Mike, am about to embark on a journey I fear immensely. Finally, after hiding from the pop-culture phenomenon for a year and a half, I am watching the film known as Twilight.

As a back story, I had no clue what this movie really was when it came out. I'd seen that awful teaser trailer that only confirmed that there are vampires and bad acting and told nothing else of the film. I knew that many females I know had irrational needs to see it. And I knew it was emo. When I finally saw a full trailer for the sequel last fall (attached to the super-awful Sorority Row, if I'm not mistaken), I had a simple reaction - Is that thing really what people like? I couldn't believe the wrist-cut-inspiring things I'd seen on screen. I decided that, sooner or later, I must experience this phenomenon, if only to "get it."

Thus, here I am. I've got some queso dip and chips, a two-liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew (it was left over from my Super Bowl party, and if I'm gonna watch a depressed teenage girl movie I'm gonna drink a depressed person's soda!), and the trailers at the beginning of the DVD just passed. Now, I provide you my life thought process through that which is Twilight.

But hold on a second, the queso's cold.

(All times are estimated.)
5:23 pm - (0:00:00) - It begins. Summitt Entertainment logo. Wonder how many studio heads are kicking themselves for not getting this? And, we've got a narration about dying to start. get the razor blades ready!

5:25 pm - (0:01:11) - It's always the deer that get hurt first. Serves 'em right.

5:27 pm - (0:03:40) - I'm immediately intrigued by the fact Kristen Stewart looks both ways before entering a room. And is that a cactus in her pocket, or is she just happy to see me? Oh wait...

5:28 pm - (0:04:55) - This Jacob guy's supposed to be hot? He looks like he belongs in a Native American Whitesnake cover band! On second thought, maybe that is kinda hot.

5:30 pm - (0:06:00) - "OMG, that girl drives a ratty truck! She's like sooooo icky!", says the entire parking lot.

5:31 pm - (0:07:40) - Loved Anna Kendrick in Up in the Air, but I immediately wanted to punch her in the face just then.

5:32 pm - (0:08:40) - OMG RPATZ!!! SQUEEEEEE! (Or like, not.)

5:33 pm - (0:09:35) - Turns out I mistook another pale gel-haired fellow for R-Patz and he just showed up. I'm kinda proud of myself. I feel like Ralphie when mom's spoon breaks on his backside.

5:35 pm - (0:11:31) - The uncomfortability of the last 30 seconds was amazing!

5:36 pm - (0:12:46) - Creepy balding guy must die first. Wait a minute - do people even die in this movie?

5:37 pm - (0:13:48) - Is it emo to have one of those porch lights that look like the alien from Dark Star in your room? If so I want to be emo.

5:39 pm - (0:15:00) - OK, whatever just happened with a power plant dude getting mauled was actually kinda well done. I liked what Catherine Hardwicke did with Thirteen, maybe there'll at least be some technical competence here? And while I was typing, Kristen Stewart fell on the ice. AWESOME!

5:41 pm - (0:17:01) - HE SPEAKS! I was assuming he was just a gel-bot. It looks like we're in for a science lab Pale-off! (It's like a face-off, but with pale.)

5:42 pm - (0:18:31) - She doesn't like any cold, wet thing. DEEPNESS.

5:44 pm - Random observation: Is it just me or does Patzy kinda look like a Pez Dispenser?

5:46 pm - (0:22:21) - Hey, it's Peter Facinelli! I had high hopes for this guy back when he was in The Big Kahuna with Spacey and DeVito. I'm glad he survived Fastlane.

5:50 pm - (0:26:42) - Dude named Mike gets REJECTED. Clearly it's a work of fiction.

5:54 pm - (0:30:23) - OK, there's surfing in the blue part of Washington? And someone said dude! SWEET!

5:55 pm - (0:31:18) - "That's all super hero stuff. But what if I'm not? What if I'm the bad guy?"

5:58 pm - (0:32:25) - Every high school related movie revolves around prom. Can't really fault this movie for that. But really, does all high school drama revolve around that? I was a nerd. I don't know!

5:59 pm - (0:34:00) - OMG GOLDEN WOLVES! Almost lost my chips. Also, Stewart looks half less annoying when he hair is hidden from the scene.

6:01 pm - (0:35:29) - Hehehe...creepy bald dude. And Natasha Lyonne and Bob Marley? Ah, the joys of internal recasting. (Yes, I'm aware Bob Marley's dead. Kofi Kingston?)

6:03 pm - (0:37:24) - Pause for needlessly pushed out boobs. Aw yeah. Time to warm up the queso, baby! (No really, I had to use the microwave. It's not some creeper catchpharse I came up with.)

6:06 pm (0:40:10) - DRAMATIC RPATZ! The stare of doom! Surely drunk dudes will die by his hand! And he just grew an accent?

6:08 pm (0:42:12) - This movie has the most odd looking extras. They're almost more entertaining to watch than the movie.

6:10 pm (0:43:56) - I've seen this whole "I can read everyone's mind but yours" thing before, haven't I? Drawing a blank, but it's super familiar.

6:11 pm (o:45: 30) - Beware the ANIMAL ATTACK! If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...

6:13 pm (0:46:55) - Pepper spray. The gift that keeps on giving.

6:13 pm (0:47:15) - OMG MOMENT OF REALIZATION MONTAGE! (Brought to you by Google and the Interwebs!) (Also, I think the last shot of that montage might have come from a The Cure video.

6:15 pm - Random Observation: On second thought, can we get a Delorean to take this script back to the '80s and make it with Robert Smith in the lead and Deborah Foreman as Bella? I'd like totally watch that movie.

6:17 pm - (0:51:00) - She said the V word! The names of Max Schreck, Bela Lugosi, and Chrisopher Lee were just taken in vain.

6:18 pm - (0:52:20) - Fucking sparkles. Are you kidding me? I hope everyone in this movie has glitter still on them. It's like Demetri Martin says, it's the herpes of craft supplies.

6:19 pm - Random Observation: RPATZ just proclaimed himself "the world's greatest predator." Put him in a jungle with Ahnold and Kevin Peter Hall, now. Please, I beg of you.

6:22 pm - (0:56:06) - OK, I don't have words for the past three minutes. I know, that's supposed to be the BIG scene of their love being born. But really? I mean, really? I never thought "Hey baby, your smell makes me want to eat you!" would be the pitch in one of the most profitable romance films of all-time.

6:24 pm - (0:58:00) - Thank you for clearing everything up, oh powerful narration. AND NOW EVERYONE'S JEALOUS OF HER! OMG, THIS IS WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS ALL ABOUT!

6:26 pm - (0:59:35) - That flashback scene was also kinda well done. A slight taste of Nosferatu. And I'm terribly sad I just admitted that.

6:28 pm - (1:01:45) - The accent is slipping again. Is that intentional? Or did she just add that line about him speaking like he's from another time to cover it?

6:30 pm - (1:04:25) - Why the hell are they cuttin' on moats? Who the hell doesn't want a moat? (I want a moat.)

6:31 pm - (1:05:12) - I so just cackled loudly at the salad bowl squeeze. The whole movie's worth it now.

6:32 pm - (1:06:27) - I really wish this Jasper character was named Lurch or Hans or something more gangly.

6:35 pm - Random Observation: With the amount of time she spends biting her lip and gritting her teeth, they shoulda rewrote the movie to have Stewart be the vampire. Or just have her play the male, there's nothing exceedingly feminine about her anyway.

6:37 pm - (1:11:30) - As Batman would say, STORM'S COMING!

6:39 pm - (1:13:10) - This movie could really use a lynch mob. There's a perfectly good one in this diner. I proclaim it must occur.

6:40 pm - (1:15:00) - God, he's a creeper. Ladies, please tell me if you'd really accept that creepy looking dude coming in your windows while you sleep. Or better not, don't.

6:42 pm - (1:16:20) - Looks like he picked the eject button over the ejaculate button! And no, I'm not even gonna take the time to ponder the ability to ejaculate of a vampire. Except now that I typed that, I did. Damn you, Stephanie Meyer.

6:44 pm - Random Observation: I used to always get Billy Burke, who plays Bella's dad, and Billy Blanks, of Tae Bo fame, mixed up. Not in appearance, obviously, just in name. I think I'm past that now.

6:45 pm - (1:19:14) - And now the infamous baseball scene. Worth the hype. I want this video game.

6:47 pm - (1:21:31) - SHIT JUST GOT REAL! (And I use that in the weakest sense of the phrase.)

6:49 pm - (1:22:49) - Yeah, he's more Kofi Kingston than Bob Marley. YES! MOAR BASEBALL!

6:50 pm - (1:24:36) - Shucks, no more baseball, but we did get impressions of the Sharks and Jets!

6:52 pm - (1:25:40) - Pattinson really has trouble being dramatic. His line readings are atrocious in this car ride.

6:53 pm - (1:27:27) - Daddy Swan nearly proclaims "I want to practice fatherhood!" So touching. (Except for the touching part.)

6:55 pm (1:29:31) - Thank you, token hunter, for tiring of James' games.

6:57 pm - Random Observation: There's still a half-hour of this? The pain is starting to set in. Don't worry, I'm not gonna cut myself, though I'm thinking it might be more interesting to clip my fingernails.

6:58 pm (1:32:25) - We were thisclose to getting a shot of the sun. Whoa.

7:00 pm (1:33:50) - One of the most impressive things about movies of the past decade is how realistic phones ringing can sound these days. I almost picked up my cell phone twice there.

7:01 pm (1:35:13) - Narration has come full circle from the movie's opening. Surprisingly early for that. Probably a good sign...that the movie has long end credits and I won't be subjected to as much more of this as I feared!

7:02 pm - Random Observation: Then again, the alternative to that last point is that the movie has a Return of the Kings-esque mutliending. I fear again.

7:03 pm - Randomer Observation: This Cam Gigandet fellow has been pretty terrible in everything I've seen him in.

7:05 pm - (1:38:10) - It's on, I guess. Not entirely sure what it is, but it's on.

7:07 pm - (1:39:08) - Wow, blood. In a vampire movie, it took us 1:39:08 to get blood.

7:07 pm - (1:39 45) - "STOP! REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!"

7:08 pm - (1:40:25) - Wait, there's venom? What the hell was James?

7:09 pm - (1:41:22) - That scene was the definition of "Painfully drawn out and poorly executed moral dilemma."

7:10 pm - (1:42:15) - OK, what the hell just happened? Emo music, snowfall, death based narration? What is this, one of your Earth jokes?

7:11 pm - (1:43:40) - I just grabbed my cell phone when their phone rang. CURSES!

7:13 pm - (1:45:30) - Holy stuttering actress, Batman!

7:14 pm - (1:46:41) - Hehehe...giant cast boot.

7:15 pm - (1:47:37) - Just when we'd forgotten about him, Native-American Emile Hirsch Wannabe is back!

7:16 pm - (1:48:46) - I think that was foreshadowing just then.

7:18 pm - (1:50:35) - Since we're clearly winding down, I can ask it: Could they have found less appealing actors to lead this movie? I mean, I was considering the lead singer of The Cure and the star of Valley Girl as significant upgrades! THAT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN. (BTW, I will allow no negative comments toward Valley Girl. That movie forking rules.)

7:20 pm - (1:52:47) - Thank you, everyone else, for clearing the romantically lit gazebo and leaving the camera room to circle lovingly. It's so touching. (P.S. - BARF!)

7:21 pm - (1:53:50) - Oooh, imposing shot as we fade to black-and-white for the end credits. What was it I just said? Oh yeah - BARF!

OK, so that's Twilight. It's safe to say - I don't get it. Granted, I'm not its target audience, but still - what's the appeal. It's ROMANTIC? Really? They speak to each other like seven times!

I mean, Bella needs to get a hobby or something. I'm reminded of the wisdom of Jeremy Goodwin on Sports Night (best TV show ever, BTW!) - "I understand why a woman thinks that any man is better than nothing. I just don't understand why she thinks she has nothing." Really, this movie makes the Titanic craze of 1998 look normal. Seriously girls, you're amazing. Go find what it is that makes you happy and leave the fairy tale ending stuff like this behind. You'll thank yourself in the long run.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

2010, Dir. by Ti West/Alan Smithee.

Eli Roth's Cabin Fever is one of the most hotly debated horrors of the past decade, if not longer. I know many who claim it to be among the worst horror movies, or even worst movies, ever made. There are others, myself included, who thought it was a fun gorefest whose ridiculous plot and one-note characters were not worth getting our knickers in a twist over.

For those who fit that category, we're now treated to Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever, the second straight movie I've reviewed that was delayed for a year plus. In this case, director Ti West shot the film in the spring of 2007, but Lionsgate held up the film up and ended up reworking most of the film to their liking. West requested to have his name removed from the film, but since he's not a member of the Director's Guild of America yet, his request was denied. The final product is finally dropped on DVD this week - coincidentally placed a couple of weeks behind West's break-out hit The House of the Devil.

Cabin Fever 2 picks up right where Roth left of in story, with the first film's lead character stumbling out of the water reservoir he fell into as the last film neared an end. As revealed there, the water is being used by a bottled water company, and an animated opening credits sequence shows us that the contaminated water is apparently directly headed to a local high school. And just in time for prom, no less!

What follows is your typical bloodbath. Literally. Gone are the awkward comedic touches of Roth's film (Sorry, there's no Dr. Mambo or "Pancakes!" screaming here), aside from the return of Giuseppe Andrews as the inept police deputy Winston. Without these hijinks around him Andrews' character doesn't have much place in the story, and it's likely that the edits added to the character not seeming at home in the film's plot.

Back to that bloodbath, we're introduced to the typical high school types we see in this movies, led by the smart and noble kid John, who's played by Noah Segan (also of last year's indie horror Deadgirl). Following tradition, John shoots the breeze with his dorky best friend Alex and pines over the girl next door Cassie who happens to be dating the school's biggest douche Marc as we wait for the decomposition to begin. It kicks in as the prom starts, and from there on out it's a skin-crawling gorefest.
The movie has a few things going in its favor, specifically well-designed gore (a late film dismemberment is incredibly well-done), some solid cinematography (especially in the scenes involving what I assume is a government clean-up crew), and Segan's fine performance in the lead. He's a very likable young actor who seems to have his head on straight - pointing out in the special features of the disc that the film is "so gory that it's funny, except for when it's so gory that you want to throw up." And really, when it goes to full frontal pus-producing nudity, I did want to throw up.

There lies the biggest problem with Cabin Fever 2, as it's clear the primary goal of the film was to showcase gore and not provide much else. I'm a huge fan of West's other films, and was excited to see him get this shot at something mainstream, but it's clear that illogical studio expectations derailed the man long before the movie hit screens. I doubt there'll be a big enough cult following to someday get us a recut version with West's actual vision, because the final product of Cabin Fever 2 is little more than an attempt to capitalize on a marginally respected film's following (and perhaps Roth's newfound stardom after Inglourious Basterds - congrats on making Jeopardy, Eli) that lacks any depth in plot or originality in vision. If you're desperate to see blood, Cabin Fever 2 will fill that need, but for actual cinema there are three excellent Ti West films (The Roost, Trigger Man, The House of the Devil) that you should check out anyway.

The Wolfman (2010)

2010, Dir. by Joe Johnston.

When it comes to film adaptations, I'm a fanboy first and a critic second. I enjoyed the Fantastic 4 movies. I'd rank Iron Man as my favorite comic book film. Heck, I saw Van Helsing multiple times in theaters. Once I've made up my mind that I love something, I lose my head. So, when the news broke that Benicio Del Toro would star in an update of my favorite Universal monster flick, The Wolf Man, I became that drooling mindless zombie that I become in these situations, and waited for the film with the highest of hopes. I waited a lot longer than expected due to some delays, and after finally seeing the film tonight, it hurts to say that I can see why.

Directed by Joe Johnston, The Wolfman is a technical disaster. Sure, it's got some atmospheric scenery and a moody score from Danny Elfman to make it seem slick, but there are so many things going wrong throughout the film. Several transitions are handled with mind-numbingly annoying gimmicks like white flashes between shots or characters moving with ghosting between steps. It seems like half the movie is composed of the camera lingering on the scenery while we wait for action to occur, and when action does occur it's mostly in quick, unrecognizable bursts. The few full on shots of our werewolf lead are pretty impressive, and I wasn't bothered by the CGI approach to the character in them - but it's clear that the CGI was primarily needed to make the action scenes more comfortable for modern audiences.

Apart from the visual flaws, the story is far removed from the original tale and takes some ridiculous turns for the worst as it barrels along carelessly. Characters and relationships are changed entirely, and scenes that branch out to other locales seem to be filler. I understand that adapting a 70 minute film like The Wolf Man requires a modern filmmaker to add some elements to the story, but I've always been a fan of keeping things simple. By adding to and changing the story in so many ways, the film becomes more convoluted and less interesting at the same time.

The actors provide the film's highlights, but even they aren't at full strength. I'm a big fan of Del Toro, and he physically fills the role well, but there's not as much time developing his character as the much shorter original spent developing Lon Chaney, Jr's. Emily Blunt is the other highlight as the damsel in distress, but that's mostly because she's so ridiculously good-looking. Hugo Weaving does his usual adequate job as the Inspector on the wolf's trail, leaving me the biggest name in the cast to consider - Sir Anthony Hopkins as Lord Talbot. By far the film's biggest misstep is the characterization of the father that Hopkins portrays, and it seems he was given free reign to ham it up as much as he wanted in this role. This leads to an over-the-top and considerably silly performance from the Oscar winner. I've always been a big fan of Claude Rains, who played the original Lord Talbot, but I've rarely missed him as much as I did while watching Hopkins in this film.

Combining the facts that the film is technically annoying, ridiculous in plot, and features underwhelming acting with the far fall the story has taken from an incredibly simple 1941 script that captured the tragic nature of the Wolf Man character perfectly, and it's hard for me to find much good to say about this film, even if I was prepared to throw caution to the wind as a fan. While I'm sure that fan in me will return to this film a few more times, continuing to hope I find the things I loved about the original tale, I can't find it in me to recommend the new Wolfman at all.

But hey, this is Hollywood 2010! We can get a reboot next year, right? Please?

Midnight Movie of the Week #6 - Robinson Crusoe on Mars

In making a choice for my Midnight Movie of the Week, I generally have three criteria. First, the movie needs to be at least five years separated from my last MMotW pick. Secondly, it has to fit the criteria any movie would to make this site - primarily, being a flick I wouldn't mind popping in late at night for an escape into the uncommon. Third, and most importantly, I try to pick something memorable - something that jumps off the page and into the curious corners of the mind where it's sure to be a hit. That's often a hard task for a movie to live up to - but when you've got something like Robinson Crusoe on Mars, the mission's pretty much accomplished in the title.

A loose adaptation of Daniel Defoe's classic novel, Robinson Crusoe, this is the tale of Commander "Kit" Draper, a lone astronaut who's marooned on the surface of the angry red planet and forced to deal with the challenge of survival. Those of us in the real world know that's not really possible, just as the people who made this film nearly 50 years ago did. But, at the height of the space craze of the mid-to-late '60s, suspension of disbelief was in style, and the film was put together with little concern for the impracticalities that would face a real astronaut faced with this scenario.

That's not to say that Robinson Crusoe on Mars is a silly film - in fact, it's quite the opposite. What it lacks in scientific fact it makes up for psychologically, focusing most of its efforts on Draper (played by Paul Mantee) and his battle to deal with the fact that he is alone in this barren world. Alone, except for the ship's monkey, that is. (That's right, it's a man and his monkey film! That's really all I needed to say, isn't it?)The first half of the film is a one man show (save the early space scenes where Draper is joined by Captain Macready, played by ADAM WEST!!!!!), with Mantee working out the physical and mental challenges that his confinement on the new world bring to him. A lot of answers come in gimmicky ways, as things like oxygen, water, and food just happen to pop up at the right moments. But the biggest find comes near the midpoint of the film when Draper stumbles upon an alien slave who's escaped their race's mining efforts on Mars, and friendship ensues. Draper names the slave (played by Victor Lundin) Friday, after the character in Defoe's novel, a self-referential move that is the closest link to the source material.

From that point on, it's a two-man battle for survival, full of effects scenes and intergalactic battles. Under the direction of sci-fi mogul Byron Haskin (the original War of the Worlds), we're fed a feast of red-hued imagery and menacing alien warships that look a lot like what we've seen in Haskin's previous work. But it's the script, started by Ib Melchior and reworked by John Higgins, that gives Robinson Crusoe on Mars its best bits, including an early nightmare in which Draper encounters his undead captain (again, ADAM WEST!!!!!!!) and a bevy of entertaining exchanges between Draper and Friday in which their worlds and languages are compared.Now restored and released by the usually pretentious Criterion Collection, Robinson Crusoe on Mars is resurrected as an important bit of sci-fi, and it's a well-deserved honor. The fusion of Haskin and Melchior's ideas, plus excellent performances from the three human and one primate stars, creates a fully satisfying film that reminds me a lot of the adventures of the '30s and '40s. It's popcorn storytelling that lies somewhere between Gunga Din and Flash Gordon, and I think that any viewer that can shut down the scientific portion of their brain (because really, when you point out the scientific inconsistencies of a movie you look and sound silly) will enjoy the film's story of survival. Robinson Crusoe on Mars is one of the nearly forgotten treasures of b-movie science fiction, and I'm excited to give it a run as Midnight Movie of the Week.

Black Women in Horror History Month - Week 2: The Women of Blacula

When the topic of African-Americans and horror comes up, it's not long before The Mike thinks of Blacula. That's right...BLACULA. I've bought a lot of DVDs in my day (shocking, I know!), but the only time the flick I purchased actually made the girl at the Best Buy check-out counter gasp and exclaim "Oh my God!" was when I first encountered the Blaxploitation horror starring William Marshall as "Dracula's Soul Brother".

The thing about Blacula that surprised even me is that it's a far better movie than you'd ever expect it to be. Focusing on the curse imposed on Prince Mamuwalde by the incredibly racist Dracula of the Eighteenth Century, it's a surprisingly gothic horror even when the setting moves to Los Angeles of 1972. (It's a shame we never got a Hammer Films/American International crossover featuring Dracula A.D. 1972 and Blacula, but that's a different story for a different day.) Marshall is a fabulous presence in the lead, playing the sophisticated kind of vampire audiences had come to expect, and the story takes a Shakespearean turn to focus on its romance as it moves along.
While Marshall's imposing lead performance is the dynamite that makes Blacula explode, it's safe to say that the spark is provided by Vonetta McGee as both Mamuwalde's wife Luva and Blacula's muse Tina. McGee, seen above, plays the role of the confused modern woman well (Because who wouldn't be confused if a 200 year old prince turned vampire thought you were his deceased wife?), but most importantly adds a touch of mystery to her role. As the film progresses and she becomes more involved in Blacula's web of desire, the character evolves into a figure who's trapped between two conflicting worlds, and McGee offers up a subdued sensuality that shows off the inherent romanticism of Blacula's world, and it's through her performance that Blacula becomes more than just a cash in on the Blaxploitation era.

Speaking of cash ins, AIP immediately followed up Blacula with a sequel: Scream, Blacula, Scream. And the sole reason I wanted to seek out this sequel, aside from the promise of seeing Marshall reprise his role, was the fact that his object of desire this time is played by the one and only Pamela Grier.
Grier is best known these days for starring in Quentin Tarantino's BEST film, Jackie Brown, but in the mid-'70s she was the queen of exploitation cinema. Running the show in films like Coffy and Foxy Brown, Grier made her name as the baddest mama to hit the screen, all while dating Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and being dubbed as the first woman action star. Unfortunately, Scream, Blacula, Scream predates her turn in Coffy and her action tenure, and her role as the voodoo child who Blacula thinks could help him is far more restrained than I'd hoped. It's a fine performance, but I think I might have been hoping for a little too much sass vs. class as she faced off against Mamuwalde.

Regardless, the work of Vonetta McGee and Pam Grier opposite Blacula, the Prince of Black Horror, is notable in the history of black women in horror. It would have been easy for AIP to turn the Blacula films into paint-by-numbers horrors full of the cliches that horror fans were accustomed to, but their willingness to focus on the romantic aspects of the lead character by pairing him up with two proud and independent women speaks volumes. As much as the idea of Blacula might make the casual onlooker gasp in disgust, I find it's a significant step in the right direction for the horror masses.

Looking Back at the 2000s & Horror - Six Ghoulish Questions

Now that 10 years of horror have passed since Y2K rendered all electronics obsolete (Thank golly for the generator I've had running non stop, amirite?), I thought it would be nice to take a look back at the decade...and finally ask the six burning questions that I'm not sure I have the answers to. Let's hit it!

1. What's the deal with Warner Brothers? When's the last time they actually released a good horror flick?It has not been the best decade for the major studios and horror, but that's always been the case. But when you look at Warner Brothers' track record for the last 10 years, it's exceedingly bad. Some point to last year's Orphan as a success, and while I can almost see it, the film was too wrapped up in explaining every detail for my tastes. But when I look under the banner of Dark Castle Entertainment, Warner's horror label that's been active for 11 years now, the scary fact is that Orphan is easily the best film they've produced. Looking at Warner as a whole, I will give them a minor success on the forgettable Stephen King adaptation 1408 (which hit in Summer 2007, nearly 4 years ago now), but before that the last WB horror I could say I fully dug was 2002's Eight Legged Freaks - a fantastic B-Monster romp that's not gonna create many scares. For a studio that was behind The Haunting, The Exorcist, and The Shining, that's completely unacceptable.

(Of course, Warner could have helped to remedy this by NOT SITTING ON TRICK 'R TREAT FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS and just releasing it to theaters instead, but we all know how that turned out.) *tear*

2. Where did the zombie uprising come from?

From 28 Days Later to the Dawn of the Dead remake and Shaun of the Dead to this year's Zombieland, it's safe to say that zombies made a comeback of unseen proportions in the 2000s. But what led to this? I like to point, surprisingly, at Wes Craven's Scream. No, there's no connection to zombies in that one, but I think the zombie movement of the 2000s is a direct response to the increasingly bloodless films of the late '90s. But is it all about blood? I think not. While Scream and its sort were trying to build terror out of tricky plots and surprise twists, I think a lot of people wanted to get horror back to its visceral roots. And what's more instinctive than simply trying to survive the night against a horde of undead flesh-eaters? Not much.

3. Who gave the best horror performances in the last decade?

Unlike the list of Warner horrors worth watching, this one was hard to narrow down. Without thinking, I'd come up with a short list that might include The Mist's Marcia Gay Hardin, Behind the Mask's Nathan Baesel, Let The Right One In's Kare Hedebrant & Lina Leandersson, and Slither's Gregg Henry.

If I have to pick a best lead actor, lead actress, and supporting performer, I might go with the obvious pick of Bruce Campbell in Bubba Ho-tep, the not as obvious pick of Jess Weixler in Teeth, and the out-of-the-blue Jake Weber in Dawn of the Dead. Weber's performance is one of my understated favorites in horror history, as he creates a simple character who's interesting and human, an everyman who I really cared about and wanted to see survive badly.4. Besides the zombies, what was the best trend in horror of the last decade?

If I had to look at one thing that helped the horror genre over the last decade, I'd look at the willingness of filmmakers to listen to the fans. Say what you want about the experiment known as Snakes on a Plane as a film, a lot of nerds got a jolt of pride out of fighting to see that one. This phenomenon evolved with last year's Paranormal Activity petitions which, unlike any other petition ever started by freaks on the web, ACTUALLY WORKED! Are you kidding me? WE, the people, have a say in where our genre's going! If this were any more bizarro world, there'd be a black president....oh wait....nevermind.

5. Who or what was the most important name in horror in the 2000s?

This is a tough one. Campbell making his comeback was a huge story, and a lot of directors like Neil Marshall, Ti West, and Eli Roth made impressive debuts. Sam Raimi continued to be a champion of the genre by backing Ghost House Productions while making Spider-Man flicks (and returning to the genre with Drag Me to Hell). But the biggest name in horror in the 2000s, in my mind, has to be the corporation who brought horror to DVD - Anchor Bay Entertainment. Halloween, Dawn of the Dead, Evil Dead, Bava, Argento, and plenty more horror titans made legions of new fans thanks to Anchor Bay's efforts, and while the company seemed to veer into cash grabs over time (How many packages can the same Evil Dead discs fit in?), it's safe to say that the horror community of 2010 owes plenty of thanks to Anchor Bay and their willingness to feed our strangest desires.

6. What was the best horror film of the 2000s?

If I had to throw together a short list based on personal preference, it'd include Scott Glosserman's Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers, Frank Darabont's The Mist, Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza's [REC], Edgar Wright's Shaun of the Dead, and James Gunn's Slither.If there was a gun to my head today and I absolutely HAD to pick one of those movies and leave every other movie I forgot to mention aside...I'd probably pick The Mist. Stephen King's story was a favorite of mine as a teen, and Darabont (minus a tacked on and unfaithful ending) nailed what I'd dreamed of for over a decade. It balanced on the line between monster flick, psychological thriller, spiritual examination, and creepy siege flick perfectly. And that works for me.

Like I said, I don't have all the answers - but those work for me at the minute. Got your own picks? That's why there are comments below. Leave 'em and let's work this stuff out!

Midnight Top Five - Werewolf Movies (To See Before Next Week's Wolfman Remake!)

With the release of the long delayed and longer anticipated remake The Wolfman due next week, it's only fair of me to use my first Midnight Top 5 as a chance to pimp my favorite monster's biggest successes. Plus, I think there's a gigantic gap in quality between these five flicks and any other werewolf movie ever released...can our new Wolfman make it a Top 6?

Ginger Snaps (John Fawcett, 2000) - Two sisters who are obsessed with death are forced to deal with their changing bodies in different ways, as menstruation and lycanthropy take control. It's the Mean Girls of the werewolf subgenre.
The Howling (Joe Dante, 1981) - Playing off the classic mythology of the werewolf as an homage to the original Wolfman, Dante puts together an interesting story about a reporter (Dee Wallace of E.T.) spending the weekend at a secluded colony who's residents change with the moon. The awesome Patrick Macnee also stars.
Dog Soldiers (Neil Marshall, 2002) - Marshall's directorial debut is a an action-packed siege picture, focusing on a team of British soldiers trying to survive being trapped in the farmhouse of a pack of werewolves. Like Aliens or Predator, this is all about bad-asses versus monsters, and it succeeds near as much as those classics do.
An American Werewolf in London (John Landis, 1981) - Perhaps the most complete horror comedy ever made. Pays tribute to the original Universal monster while carving its own place in horror history. Plus, it's got Van Morrison's Moondance and Jenny Agutter, making it one of the most likeable horror flicks of the gory '80s.
The Wolf Man (George Waggner, 1941) - The leader of the pack, and rightfully so. Lon Chaney, Jr. and Claude Rains give fantastic performances as the mythology is laid down for others to follow. The ending is one of the great tragedies on film.

Midnight Movie of the Week #5 - George A. Romero's Martin

A couple of hours ago, I had a much different plan for what would be Midnight Movie of the Week #5. It was then that I was informed that February 4th happens to be the birthday of George A. Romero, one of the most important filmmakers in horror history. Shunning originality, I shifted my focus to the story the horror fan world revolves around today - celebrating the man who made zombies happen.

That said, I picked his vampire film Martin as my focus because, quite frankly, the (Living) Dead movies are the first thing everyone thinks of when it comes to Romero. Sure, some point out his first big studio gig Creepshow or his soon-to-be-remade The Crazies (which I'll be seeing for the first time soon!), but his series of zombie flicks make up more than a third of his feature filmography, and the original trilogy are considered among the most influential horror films of all time (though I still don't get Day of the Dead's appeal). But it's Romero's vampire drama that is most often ranked next to his first two Dead films in critical circles, and rightfully so.

At first glance, Martin (played by John Amplas) seems to be little more than a pale and shy fellow. But, our second glance of Martin shows him attempting to drug and rape a single woman on a train - and the third glance we get is of him slitting her wrist to drink her blood. It's an extremely difficult opening scene to watch, and sets the tone for some entirely brutal moments throughout the rest of the film. But it also gets an idea in the viewer's head, and Martin's cousin Tada Cuda (Lincoln Maazel in a meaty role) soon utters the words we were starting to consider. Nosferatu. Vampire.

Arriving in Romero's hometown of Pittsburgh to live with Cuda, Martin struggles through adjusting to everyday life as a delivery boy for his older cousin and a new friend to his younger cousin Christina (played by Romero's wife, Christine Forrest). In his free time he calls all-night radio shows to talk about his vampire life as The Count, and hunts for food among the lonely housewives he delivers supplies to.

Martin is certainly not Hollywood's version of the vampire, despite his thirst for blood. He even shows a bit of disdain toward the cinematic perception of vampires in his radio call-ins. Sunlight, garlic, and crosses all seem to be useless in dealing with him, and his biggest weakness seems to be his social ineptitude. Cuda faces off with him as an aggressor, and the steps he takes to try and expose Martin's curse make it clear that he too has seen the classic visions of the vampire. Not much Cuda does (including calling in a priest played by Romero himself) has an effect on Martin, but but Martin has his own problems - primarily that thirst. As he continues to experience the people in his community and mature as a young man, he finds taking a victim exceedingly difficult, and his thirst grows stronger by the day.

While the ideas are different than Romero's most famous films, the methodical style of Romero's work is at the forefront of the film.The film is a slow-moving character study that spends most of its time letting us experience Martin's everyday doubts and fears about his condition. Martin's vampirism is also highlighted through some fantastic black-and-white scenes that interchange with the present day setting, showing us his desire to have his curse resemble the Victorian images that movies bring to our minds. Adding in the fact that Amplas' performance gives Martin a shockingly human touch, it's clear to see that the film couldn't survive without the blurred balance between human and monster its lead character exudes.

As Martin winds to its abrupt (yet satisfying) finale, a lot of questions are raised and not necessarily answered. But the journey the viewer takes with Martin is so engaging that we're left wanting to wonder about those questions, and a sequence that runs through the end credits hammers the lasting intrigue of the character home. Martin exists as an individual who deals with the full range of human emotion, even if he may be undead, and it's easy to see why Romero recalls this fondly as his favorite film that he's made. Though I may not agree with him (I mean, Night and Dawn are pretty darn hard to beat!), I'm not gonna argue against him on his birthday. Happy Birthday, George, and thanks for Martin - this week's Midnight Movie of the Week.

Black Women in Horror History Month - Week 1

So, a lot of debate has gone on about the fact that February is both Black History Month and Women in Horror Month. Here at From Midnight, With Love, I've got a simple answer to this conundrum - creating what my father would call an AMAZING NEW COMBINATION! (Yes, he emphasizes it that much.) So, every week of the month, I'll celebrate the best, brightest, and boldest African-American Women in Horror History...starting now.

The year is 1995. Tales from the Crypt is nearing the end of its run that capped off the horror anthology series craze of the late '80s. Like many TV shows fearing death (or, perhaps in this one's case, undeath) their best idea to exorcise their viewership demons was to hit the bigscreen. What we got was the blast of horror known as Demon Knight, and a strong turn by the soon to be Smith, Jada Pinkett.Demon Knight starts off as a simple story involving a man on the run (the criminally underloved William Sadler, who starred in Tales' first episode too) and the man who's chasing him to retrieve a "stolen" relic (the also criminally underloved Billy Zane, who you should listen too because he's a cool dude). When Sadler's Brayker takes shelter in an abandoned-church-turned-boarding-house, Zane's character is revealed to be The Collector, and the siege flick action begins.

I'm supposed to be talking about Pinkett here, and believe me I'm getting to it. But I want to take a moment and discuss the siege flick. I LOVE SIEGE FLICKS. From Rio Bravo to Night of the Living Dead to Assault on Precinct 13, I can't get enough of 'em. If I were to ever become a filmmaker my first flick would definitely be a siege flick, hopefully with the characters trapped in a movie theater. My second flick would be a Bette Davis Eyes tribute/Kim Carnes biopic/sci-fi epic in the tradition of Buck Rogers, but that's a different story for a different day...

So, in the midst of our burgeoning demon-based siege flick, we meet Jeryline, played by Pinkett. Jeryline (pronounced Jery-LEAN, probably because she's pencil thin) is out on parole and stuck cleaning up the messes of the house's residents, and she's got a bit of a 'tude. Which, when you're facing a horde of green-eyed demons, is a good thing. She soon becomes Brayker's closest ally in the fight against the very persuasive collector, up until the point when the film switches focus on to her completely.

Pinkett throws herself into the film with a lot of confidence, and her commitment to the role shows through. She carries herself especially well in the third act, when things look like they're at their worst, and quickly becomes a character to rally behind in the fight for survival. She's also quick on her toes mentally and physically, and when she faces off with the collector, the viewer knows this isn't their everyday horror victim.

What makes Demon Knight's Jeryline significant? In the history of horror, the film is a tiny speck on the road map of terror. But from my perspective, I'm not sure of many mainstream horror films that feature an African-American woman in such a strong heroic role. Looking back at the slasher craze of the '80s and early '90s, I can't remember one strong black female lead like Jerilyn. She's a smart and assertive heroine whose race is never a hindrance to her character, and I think she's a great example to bring up as I start my look into Black Women in Horror History.

A Few Unsung Moments of Dialogue Awesomeness in Horror Films

One of my favorite things about horror, and movies in general, are the lines of dialogue that change the game for their film. Part of this comes from the fact I'm a word nerd, and another part comes from my interest in the psychology of characters in these flicks. Of course, not all horror lines can be as memorable or impactful as the likes of "We all go a little mad sometimes", "We belong dead" and "I see dead people", but I often find there are many horror lines that deserve attention for taking their films to the next level. And now, I'm gonna talk about three examples I love from three horrors I love - Night of the Living Dead, The Exorcist, and The Frighteners.

Some gigantic spoilers for the first two movies follow! (But you've probably already seen these movies anyway.)

Example# 1
The Film: Night of the Living Dead
The Players: George Kosana (Chief McClelland), Bill "Chilly Billy" Cardille (Field reporter)
The Setup: We're about an hour and fifteen minutes into the film. An escape attempt has just gone horribly wrong, and two are dead. The remaining characters sit in different stages of shock, waiting for a TV broadcast that might have answers to help them. When the broadcast comes, they find a reporter interviewing the Police Chief in charge of a "search and destroy" effort. And when asked about the creatures' prowess (specifically "Are they slow moving?"), Chief McClelland answers with.....

The Line: "Yeah, they're dead...they're all messed up."
Why I Love It: For starters, this is 1968. The zombie craze we live in today was unimaginable. There were no ground rules for a film like this, despite a few predecessors in style (The Last Man on Earth comes to mind). Not only do our characters know nothing about these creatures, the audience themselves know nothing about these creatures. And while the film has made strong efforts to get across the details of the ghouls on the loose, I find that this exchange sends the most efficient message about the dilemma. There's something about the potentially uneducated man of power stopping mid sentence to consider the situation before muttering about how messed up the situation is in his Gary Sinise voice that brings closure to the idea of these creatures on the loose...without actually bringing any closure to the situation for the characters.

Example #2
The Film: The Exorcist
The Players: Jason Miller (Father Damien Karras), Ellen Burstyn (Chris MacNiel)
The Setup: The Exorcism is underway, and Father Karras has had a bit of a breakdown. Father Merrin has asked him to leave the room, and he now sits alone on a bench at the bottom of the stairs. His elbows are on his knees, his hands are wrapped in prayer, and his head is sunken in fear and disappointment. Enter Chris, the concerned mother. She asks "Is it over?" and he shakes his head slowly from side to side. She pauses, and asks her next question. "Is she going to die. The priest responds.....

The Line: "No."Yeah, I know. It's two letters. It's barely a line. You can't walk around and claim you're quoting The Exorcist every time you say no. But stay with me here.

The fact of the matter is, this is the moment that turns the film around. If Father Karras were Super Mario from the video game, this moment would be the equal of getting a one up, star power, a mushroom, and maybe even that leaf that brings raccoon ears and tail all at the same time. Miller delivers the look above, the small word, and his ensuing slow rise from the bench and walk upstairs with such confidence and resolve that, in one word, he's restored our faith in surviving the ordeal on screen as viewers, not to mention made us feel strongly about the future endeavors of little miss Regan MacNeil. It's like Rambo tying his bandanna, but with a white collar in its place.

Example #3
The Film: The Frighteners
The Players: Jeffrey Combs (Milton Dammers), Michael J. Fox (Frank Bannister)
The Setup: Frank Bannister's attempts to get clear of the soul collecting demon that's been after his town are falling apart. He's now stuck alone with Special Agent Milton Dammers, a strongly psychotic fellow who's quite convinced that Frank himself killing people with his mind. He's got all the motives figured out, except one....

The Line: "But what about the guy in the toilet? What did *he* do? Piss on your hushpuppies?"
Why I Love It: OK, this line doesn't really matter to the film, except to further our understanding that Dammers is cuckoobananas. And, believe me, we get that. Anyway, what the hell does it mean? I mean, you've probably noticed the hushpuppies at the top of the post already, why on Earth would anyone piss on them? I'm confused by this line, but I love to say it. Anyway, I'm hungry now so I'm going to Long John Silvers to get my own piss-free hishpuppies.

In the meantime, feel free to come up with your own Unsung Moments of Dialogue Awesomeness in the comments below, and I'll be back with more one of these days.

The Mike's Top 10 Horror Films of the 1990s!

If there's one thing I know, it's that I LOVE LISTS. So, when Chuck over at Zombies DON'T Run asked bloggers to vote on the Top 10 Horror films of the '90s, I jumped at the chance...until I actually looked at the list of horrors released in the '90s. Yikes.

Anyway, here's how I voted:10. Scream - Probably the most iconic mainstream horror film of the decade, which is a sad statement. However, it still works well as a thriller, especially when compared to the I Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend type films of the decade. (I will admit, however, that I am rather fond of Urban Legend. So sue me.)

9. Nightbreed - Clive Barker's Hellraiser gets tons of praise, and rightfully so, but I've always been a little sad his followup didn't get the same fan base. I think it's one of the most inventive and fun monster films around.

8. Mimic - Guillermo Del Toro's most overlooked film. It's got a great claustrophobic feel to it, and the creatures are pretty cool when they show up. Mira Sorvino? FOXY!

7. Tremors - Speaking of creatures, bring on the Graboids! One of the most enjoyable bits of popcorn entertainment out there, plus a juicy role for Fred Ward. Good stuff.

6. Scream 2 - Wait, what? That's right - I strongly prefer Craven's second Ghostface flick to the first. Firstly because it features Liev Schreiber in a fantastic role and Timothy Olyphant, who's cooler than Matthew Lillard. Secondly because it takes the self-referential nature of the first film to new heights while not being afraid to take risks.

5. The Frighteners - My favorite Peter Jackson film. Great horror comedy with a fantastic performance from the awesome Jeffrey Combs.

4. Sleepy Hollow - Tim Burton's tribute to Hammer films is visually rich and splatter friendly. It also features one of my favorite horror scores of all-time from Danny Elfman.

3. Army of Darkness - I'm sure you're noticing a trend of horror comedies here. But when I think of horror comedies, Army of Darkness is the first place my mind goes, everytime. For me, this is the movie that made Bruce Campbell into Bruce Campbell.

2. From Dusk Till Dawn - Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez' vampire action flick is an undead Assault on Precinct 13 or Rio Bravo. If this thing came out today, it'd be a gigantic hit. Definitely ahead of its time.

1. Candyman - And, finally, I come to the only movie of the decade that still scares me silly. Also from the mind of Clive Barker, it harvests things I love about horror stories - from superstitious townfolk and ancient legends to the simple fear of whatever's behind you - to set what feels like a Victorian era ghost tale in a modern day Chicago ghetto.

Notice the fact that I didn't post as many alternatives to my picks as I did when I voted for the '80s bests? Well, that's because this decade was generally awful for horror. But I'm pretty comfortable with these 10, and I'm sure there are many others (In the Mouth of Madness, Demon Knight, and Cemetary Man come to mind) that I'm fond of too.

In the meantime, feel free to head over to Zombies DON'T Run to cast your vote for the Top 10 Horror Films of the 1990s. And of course, feel free to comment on my crazy monkey of a list below.