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January 12, 2010

Impromptu Horror Movie Marathon Day! (The Final Chapter)

9:49 pm - With no further ado, it's my first viewing of Peter Jackson's Dead Alive! (BE AWARE, I'M GOING ALL OUT WITH SPOILERS APLENTY!)
9:51 pm - For starters, I must say that I always thought that was Geena Davis on the poster/cover when I was younger.

9:52 pm - Rat-Monkey? I heard that right, right?

9:53 pm - Severed limbs already! We're off to a good start!

9:55 pm - Y'know what Dustin Hoffman would say about this movie? WE'VE GOT TO FIND THAT MONKEY!

9:57 pm - Wow, for a second I thought that was Super Mario as the father. But hey, tarot cards are fun.

10:00 pm - This old lady has to have a gruesome demise. Listen to that voice. She's got to.

10:02 pm - Are the close-ups supposed to be this close-up? Slightly awkward.

10:05 pm - Oh, young New Zealander love. Whoa, RAT-MONKEY! That thing's amazing!

10:07 pm - At the 18 minute mark, and SHIT JUST DEFINITELY GOT REAL!

10:11 pm - Wait, we're back to lovey-dovey? Give me more rat-monkey, please.

10:12 pm - That was gross. And that was just the beginning.

10:13 pm - Yup, that's grosser.

10:14 pm - Super glue to the face! Hilarious and repulsive!

10:15 pm - Why are dinner scenes such easy gross out points in splatter films? I mean, the answer's obvious, but whoever thought of it was a genius.

10:16 pm - Yeah, custard. That can't end well.

10:18 pm - Wow! Dog eating. That's disgustingly awesome.

10:20 pm. I'm not gonna lie, I'm near vomiting. That nurse scene was amazing.

10:22 pm - They keep ratcheting down the action just when I want more. Slight disappointment there.

10:23 pm - And a quick jump ahead. To grossness with animals. UGH.

10:25 pm - SON OF A BITCH! I was NOT ready for a needle to an eyeball. My queasy stomach Richter scale is now at a 5.7.

10:27 pm - MOTHA UCKA! More needles. NOT COOL.

10:29 pm - Funeral time. This can't be good. Well, for the characters, of course. As a viewer, I'm lovin' it.

10:31 pm - Yeah, I've heard the quotes enough to know the Father's a badass. And you can tell just by hearing him.

10:34 pm - Grave pissing? Who ever thought that was a good idea? WOWSER. That's a bit of blood.

10:35 pm - WILL THEY PLEASE STOP WITH THE NEEDLES! I will turn this shit off! (It's not shit though, it's awesome so far. Just please, no needles.)

10:36 pm - I kick arse for the Lord! That is as classic as its reputation.

10:37 pm - Great bit with the offed head. Wonderful and inventive. Now, A Zombie's Breakfast. If I were a morning person, that'd be a great name for a blog.

10:38 pm - This is as hilarious as it is gross. Love it.

10:40 pm - The zombies are boning, aren't they?

10:44 pm - We've got a zombaby! NICE.

10:45 pm - Why on Earth would he take Zombaby to a park?

10:47 pm - Oh, because the scene was gonna be that funny. Wow, this movie keeps getting better.

10:49 pm - That Uncle has trouble coming his way.

10:53 pm - OK, we've definitely hit a post-Zombaby-at-the-park lull.

10:55 pm - And, more needles. I will destroy you, Peter Jackson.

10:58 pm - The dead are indeed alive. And they love ribs, apparently.

11:00 pm - My golly. This gore has gone to 11. Hand through back of skull and out mouth? Awesome.

11:02 pm - Teeth removal by pliers. Almost as bad as needles.

11:03 pm - Wow. That torso splitting in the door is one of the best effects I've ever seen.

11:06 pm - Zombaby. Seriously amazing. Again.

11:07 pm - Why let the Uncle back in? Let him rot!

11:09 pm - And, that's why you let the Uncle in. So he can slice and dice. That's nice.

11:11 pm - Make a wish.

11:12 pm - Party's over, Lionel says.

11:15 pm - As great as nearly everything in this movie is, the jack-o-lantern headed electrocuted zombie on the kitchen wall looks silly and never goes away.

11:16 pm - That is one fantastic lawnmower, BTW. And jack-o-zombie just combusted at the right moment. Shoulda complained about it earlier.

11:18 pm - Yet another WOW at the Gigantic Mum Zombie. Disturbing.

11:20 pm - Flashback time. And then...well, that's just gross.

11:22 pm - Is there a movie near as gory as this one? I'm not sure. It's so over-the-top, which makes it extremely effective. Hey, it's Zombaby! Yay!!!

11:23 pm - Well, we're covered in zombies....let's make out! And, credits roll. Why did I wait so many years to see this movie? It's delightful! I kinda feel like I could vomit any minute, but in a good way.

And with that, I declare this Impromptu Horror Movie Marathon Day concluded. It's been real.

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