The Reef

(2011, Dir. by Andrew Traucki.)

(Note From The Mike: This will probably be one of my shorter reviews. Quite simply, I can not focus today. The NFL is back, my Packers are starting training camp and dealing with free agent losses at the same time (I might have a heart attack if they don't add a veteran inside linebacker soon), and my brain is entirely mush.  Heck, I had to stop this movie about half way through because I realized I'd been worrying about that and the possibility of wide receiver James Jones signing with the Vikings for about 20 minutes.  And then I restarted, and got distracted again, and finally just backed all the way up.  At that point I did make it through the movie, and thus you're getting a review.  Be grateful that I made it this far. Or, if you're already tired of my rambling that has nothing to do with the movie, just go ahead and click away.  I won't judge, this isn't my best movie buff day.)

The Reef - which has come straight out of Australia to the U.S. DVD market this month - is one of those little horror films that could which sticks to its premise and keeps things simple.  It's very reminiscent of the 2003 indie flick Open Water - the basic premise of folks stranded at sea and left to deal with the predators of the sea is the same - but folks who found the rough visuals of that film concerning should be more pleased with this film's slick finish.

The Reef tells the story of a group of friends who head out to sea on a sailboat despite a fellow on the shore reminding them that various breeds of sharks inhabit the waters.  It's a standard horror movie crew - two couples and one spare dude makes five - but weight is added to the group dynamics by the fact that sea-ready Luke (played by Damian Walshe-Howling, who has a gruff pseudo-Statham thing going on) is joined on the voyage by his ex, Kate, who's a little skeptical about trusting him.  This becomes a serious problem when the sailboat - of course - hits an underwater rock and is sunk, leaving the quintet stranded far from land.

Well, it might not be that far.  Luke is confident that he knows the sea, and that the group could swim to a nearby island. But we all know what happens when swimming happens - SHARKS HAPPEN.  And this bugs me every time I see one of these "people get stranded with no one to rescue them" movies. Everyone starts freaking out about whether they should stay on the sinking ship or whether they should dive in the water - and any smart viewer just knows that there's no right answer.  It's so cruel.  Horror viewers want to feel like they can solve the problem even though the characters can't - but I can never figure out what I'd do in this situation.  And that adds that little dagger to the viewer's mind, because we're worried about two possibilities instead of one.  It's simple, but kind of genius at the same time.

Once the group - or at least part of the group - starts swimming, the film takes a familiar path.  I mean, there are only so many things you can do with a group of people stranded at sea.  And yet, The Reef does manage to bring a few new twists to the table - most notably a surprisingly tense scene with a sea turtle.  You wouldn't expect a sea turtle to be menacing - and honestly, it isn't that menacing on screen - but the scene is set up perfectly and drawn out to build great suspense that culminates in a surprising reveal.  This scene establishes clearly that director Traucki has a talent to build tension, and he utilizes this well throughout the rest of the film. With so few options - you can't exactly add a musical number or shift to an alternate location when your characters are lost at sea - this becomes crucial to keeping the film going strong.

The only problem that arises from The Reef - which is technically competent and offers legitimate chills - is that the whole thing seems so standard.  We've seen this plot before, both at sea and on land, and at times I wondered if there was any new ground really being covered by the film.  It's a minor quibble, considering how competent the whole thing is, but does the world really need one more paint by numbers survival flick? Aside from the complex relationship between Luke and Kate, I'm not sure much in the film seemed fresh to me.

It's a small concern, but it leaves me not willing to give The Reef my highest recommendation.  This is a fine film, a good film even, with better than average acting and effective direction.  I do recommend it, and it does reach heights that are similar to recent survival favorites like Frozen or Rogue. But, unlike those films, this film takes place in familiar waters - and a trained horror fan will probably see it as slightly derivative.

Perhaps I'm wrong, and I do plan on giving the film another view when I'm not so scatterbrained.  As is, I do recommend The Reef if you're looking for a new water-based horror film, just leave any thoughts about Jaws - or even the campy and fantastic Deep Blue Sea - at the door.  This is a stripped down shark terror, which offers all the tension but none of the extras. Then again, if you're opposed to extras like LL Cool J avenging his beloved bird against a "smart" shark, you'll probably find this one quite pleasing.

Random Horror Throwdown - Leviathan vs. Lifeforce

Up until this weekend, I could never tell the difference between these two movies.  I know that seems weird - especially if you've seen them - but allow me to make three points on the topic to explain myself.

1) They both start with L and have long one-word titles.
2) The DVD/VHS covers of each are similarly blue.
3) I hadn't seen either film.

I knew that someone told me one of these two movies was good, but I could not, under any circumstance, remember which.  And the more I researched, the more I found both movies getting some praise.  So, I did what any rational me would do - and watched them both.  Now, they get thrown into a throwdown!  (BTW, if you're too new to FMWL to remember the Random Horror Throwdown - click up in here (up in here) to go re-live its past glory!)

The Movies:


Leviathan (1989, Dir. by George P. Cosmatos.)
Starring: Peter Weller, Richard Crenna, Amanda Pays, Ernie Hudson.
IMDB Synopsis: Underwater deep-sea miners encounter a Soviet wreck and bring back a dangerous cargo to their base on the ocean floor with horrifying results... (Note from The Mike: Let's see.  Soviet wreck? Dangerous cargo?  You mean to tell me those two things might lead to horrifying results? I DON'T BELIEVE IT!)

Lifeforce (1985, Dir. by Tobe Hooper.)
Starring: Steve Railsback, Peter Firth, Mathilda May, Patrick Stewart.
IMDB Synopsis: A space shuttle mission investigating Halley's Comet brings back a malevolent race of space vampires who transform most of London's population into zombies. The only survivor of the expedition and British authorities attempt to capture a mysterious but beautiful alien woman who appears responsible.  (Note from The Mike: Space + vampires + zombies + alien woman.  Just so we're clear, THAT is how scattered Lifeforce is.  More on that later.

The Casts:
This is a topic of hot debate for me.  The leads couldn't be more different, with the monotonous and controlled Peter Weller (Robocop) headlining Leviathan as the unhinged and potentially psychotic Steve Railsback (The Stunt Man) leads Lifeforce.  Neither actor could possibly function in the opposite role, as the switch would kind of been like asking Isaac Hayes to do Diamonds are Forever while Shirley Bassey does the theme to Shaft.  (Read as: It just doesn't work.)  I'm certainly a bit more Weller, personally, but I do admire Railsback's manic style in the right setting - and this is the right setting for him.

If we're calling the leads a wash, I guess the next step is the ladies.  Lifeforce's Mathilda May racks up some points with her impressive physical presence, while Leviathan's Amanda Pays (who was also the attractive British lady in The Flash) is a fine example of a survivor girl who can hold her own.  I'm calling that a wash too.

Here's where the switch happens. Lifeforce's next most notable name is Patrick Stewart. I know Patrick Stewart is a big name to some, due to his Next Generation duties and his X-Men stuffiness - but I don't care that much about Patrick Stewart. I'm not a Trekkie or an X-kie. You know what I do care about? A freakin' Ghostbuster like Ernie Hudson.  Or Colonel Trautman like Richard Crenna.  Or that blond lady who hung out with Axel Foley.  Or Daniel Stern of C.H.U.D. fame.  Yeah, that's what I care about.  And Leviathan even throws in Hector Elizondo!  But none of that really matters....Ernie Hudson was the knockout punch for this category.  (1-0, Leviathan leads.)

The Directors:
Tobe Hooper and George P. Cosmatos both have made some fantastic films.  Cosmatos is one of the more underrated directors of the '80s, I think.  Sure, he did make Cobra - which might be held against him by some - but he also made Rambo: First Blood Part II, the underseen former Midnight Movie of the Week Of Unknown Origin (also starring Weller) and, eventually, Tombstone (though it took the rallying of the great Kurt Russell to get him aboard that film).

But, Hooper made The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and its first sequel, and is credited as the director of Poltergeist (no matter what anyone says!).  So he wins the point for Lifeforce. (1-1.)

(By the way, I've also got a soft spot for Hooper's remake of The Toolbox Murders, a deeply flawed slasher that survives thanks to Angela Bettis and a heaping helping of atmosphere. Just gotta throw that in here, proceed as usual.)

The Plots:
Leviathan borrows much of its spirit from classics like Alien and The Thing, which is not in any way a bad thing.  There were a slew of undersea genre flicks in 1989 - including the big budget The Abyss and the less popular Deep Star Six - and Leviathan's sense of underwater doom fits alongside some of my favorite sci-fi horrors.  That doesn't necessarily mean Leviathan is near as well-made as those films - its got some pretty severe pacing issues and stalls out at times - but the ideas behind the plot at least make me smile a bunch.

Lifeforce, on the other hand, is just kind of crazy and all over the place.  It's like Mario Bava's Planet of the Vampires had a three way with The Hidden and The Return of the Living Dead and traveled back in time to make Lifeforce.  Or maybe it's, just that Dan O'Bannon - who wrote The Return of the Living Dead - wrote Lifeforce.  You decide.  Either way, I'm going to give Lifeforce - which is truly a one of a kind sci-fi horror (just because it reminds me of other movies doesn't make it unoriginal) - a point for its ability to mix genre staples with a big 'ol pair of naked breasts that appear to be relevant to the plot.  (2-1, Lifeforce leads.)

My Experience with the Films:
Well, as I stated in my intro, my experience with these films is basically nonexistent.  I hadn't seen either until this weekend.

Am I more likely to show one of my friends one of these films than the other? I'm not sure.  Lifeforce is a unique bit of '80s awesome, to be sure, while Leviathan offers a more restrained bit of fun with some cool effects and a wonderfully silly ending.  I guess if I had to give a point here....I really don't know yet.  So, instead of making a choice, let's go to a LIGHTNING ROUND!!!!!!!!

THE LIGHTNING ROUND!

• Which film would benefit more from the use of Barbara Hershey? - I say Leviathan.  Heck, make her the Captain instead of Weller and I'd love that movie to death.
• Which film is most apocalyptic? - Easily Lifeforce.  Some of the late film shots of a ravaged London are kinda fantastic.
• Which film could be most easily remade into an entertaining modern fare? - Definitely Leviathan. It's simple in plot, the cast could be filled with rich modern character actors, and the effects could be improved upon.
• Which film probably could never be remade? - Lifeforce, as the talents of Railsback and May are pretty integral to the film's success.
• Which film doesn't leave me scratching my head and wondering if it's amazing or silly? - Leviathan.  It is what it shows you, while Lifeforce is all over the place.

This Choice is Like: 

You guys all know how much FMWL loves Barbara Hershey, right?  Well, it does.  She's basically FMWL's girlfriend (in an imaginary realm).  In the absence of clarity, and in a time when two films The Mike once couldn't tell apart are battling in their extraordinarily different ways to win his affection, The Mike often has to turn to irrational forms of decision making.

And if I think Leviathan fits the talents of Ms. Hershey the best - because I'd rather see her as a brave undersea mining captain who can be a strong and respected woman than a topless space vampire - then I gotta give the love to Leviathan this time around.  It's up my alley, and would be even more fun with some of that delicious Hershey-ness.  So let's throw a whopping TWO points at Leviathan! (3-2, Leviathan wins!)

Besides, how cute would it be to see Hershey and Amanda Pays having an undersea mining base slumber party?  Sorry Lifeforce, you lost today.  That doesn't mean you have to like it!

What say you, Midnight Warriors? I can't be the only one who's ever mixed up these movies, can I? And, perhaps more importantly, how many times in this post did I post the wrong title because I'm STILL getting them mixed up?  I'm totally not checking...

FEAR EXCHANGE: No Shark Shall Attack The Horror Digest On My Watch!

The superfantastic Andre Dumas of The Horror Digest writes about horror films as well as anyone does.  But she has a bit of a fear of sharks.  And since we're both awesome at what we do, and since she's afraid of sharks and I'm afraid of needles, we thought it'd be a great idea to exchange fears.  Hence, the Fear Exchange, which you read of above.
Andre has already tackled needles on my behalf, and it is now time for The Mike to tackle sharks in return.  And I shall tackle them with extreme prejudice.

To be honest, I've never taken sharks too seriously.  This could partially be because the first thing I think about when I think of sharks is THIS:

Yes, that's Saturday Night Live's famed Landshark.  And it's funny to me.  Plus, it's been revealed to be THIS:

See?  Chevy Chase, despite some of his later film roles, is not scary.  He was in Vacation and Fletch and even Spies Like Us (directed by John Landis!)...all amazing and funny.  If he's a shark, then sharks aren't that bad, right?

But I think the main reason Andre's afraid of sharks yet I'm not afraid of sharks is THIS:

I live in IOWA.  Since I'm relatively sure that the Great Lakes are shark-free, I live about as geographically far away from sharks as is humanly possible.  Heck, most of the time we can't even get carp or bluegills to bite up here.  So I'm chill, dude.

Movies, however, bring the pain when it comes to sharks.  Let's take a pictorial-style look at some of the scariest finned-demon flicks.  You know, the films that all contain a shot that looks like THIS:

JAWS

Any discussion of sharks on film has to begin with Jaws.  It is, after all, the only truly great movie ever made about sharks.  Some will tell you that "Bruce", who played the shark in the film, is a robot...and they'd be right.  But that doesn't make him any less scary.

To me, one of the scariest things about Jaws are those darn yellow barrels.  I would slow down if you harpooned a couple of those to me, but this fella...uh uh.  It's a great moment for showing us what the shark is capable of, and it sets the tone for what comes next, when the film reminds us that you're not safe in a cage:

And, you're not safe on a boat:

And if you're not safe in a cage or on a boat....then you should be scared.  It's so simple, Dr. Seuss could have sold it to kids.

Open Water

Here's a little tip for anyone who might become a horror movie character: DON'T TEMPT FATE.

Especially not in those goofy sunglasses.  Such is the crime committed by the leads of Open Water, the "realistic" shark movie made on a tiny budget with a handheld cam in which a couple is stranded after a diving trip and face dangers like jellyfish (jellyfishes?  jellyfi?) and, naturally, SHARKS like this:

OK, so maybe it is stock footage.  But the idea behind Open Water is scary enough for me that it doesn't even need sharks.  So, when that angry face above shows up, the tension goes to 11.  Which is a lot higher than it was when the jellyfi showed up.

(Side Note:  They say that the way to stop a shark from biting you is to hit it in the nose...but look how big that nose is!  I'm sure there's a part of the nose you have to hit, kind of like one of those stuffed animals that says "Squeeze My Paw" then plays music.  But those animals have a button inside the paw, and just squeezing the paw might miss it.  My point?  If you don't see a button, either hit several parts of the nose with a vicious combo or get the heck away.  Got it?)

Cyclone

Speaking of stock footage, let's talk about Cyclone.  Yes, the 1978 Italian film which promises a storm, a cyclone, a plane crash, and sharks.  Don't believe me?  Check out the DVD cover, which looks like THIS:

Yeah.  That happened.  Like the one rap CD my dad has (which he plays over and over and over and over in the car)...they gonna eat your body like a cyclone!

Truthfully, I'm a little more than halfway done with the two hour epic that is Cyclone as I type this, but I've already been scared.  Part of that fear comes from the '70s wardrobe of the crash survivors/shark bait:

 

But also by the attacks from the stock footage sharks that look kind of like THIS:

And THIS:

So maybe the movie breaks up its promise and gets done with the storm and crash in the first 30 minutes.  Maybe there have been ten to twenty minute stretches since where NOTHING HAPPENS.  The sharks are still a little impressive, and I'm sure they'll be back.  Ever seen an Italian film who's violence peaked at the 45 minute mark?  Me neither.

Finding Nemo

Before we head back to Italy, I'd like to remind everyone that family movies are often unfriendly when it comes to our fears.  Such is the case with Finding Nemo, which everyone and their mother loves.  It offers up something that looks a lot like THIS:

Honestly, that's as scary as any shark I've seen on screen.  Sure, he ends up friendly and stuff because it's a cartoon, but kids remember images.  Were I still Baby The Mike, with my homemade Mr. T Cabbage Patch Doll and my peanut-shaped head, I'd be afraid of that.  And you would be to.

Zombi 2/Zombie

And now, back to Italy, the only place where the idea of zombie vs. shark could have been born...in the '70s!  Think about that.  It's the late '70s.  America's getting Kramer vs. Kramer, Italy's getting shark vs. zombie.  Western Hemisphere, you fail me.

There have been many questions raised regarding shark vs. zombie over the years, but one of the things that most perplexes me is THIS:

Our mustachioed zombie friend not only rips open the shark's topside (which, per the nose punching theory, is impossible), but takes a bite out of the zombie.  Honored texts say that a bite transfers the zombie gene, which means that somewhere out there - there might be a zombie shark.  And theoretically, a zombie shark could "survive" out of water, right?  It's already dead, after all.  So...there could be an undead shark slithering around the streets of Italy or France or America RIGHT NOW.  

Orca

I haven't actually seen this movie all the way through, but - from what I recall - it's got some strong shark action early on.  Stuff that looks a lot like THIS:

But, just when you think shark vs. Richard Harris is gonna be a great battle....a vicious killer whale comes along and makes the shark its own meal.  From what I understand, the rest of the movie looks a lot like THIS:

So....that happened.  Scary?  

Piranha

Yeah, I know.  Piranha are not sharks.  But I can hear Mike Myers (not the scary one) as Dr. Evil saying "I shall call them...Mini Sharks."  The piranha of Piranha aren't really scary on their own, because they look a little too much like THIS:

Yet there's an undeniable charm to the film that really keeps me digging it and raises the tension when the attacks begin.  And seeing children react in terror to these miniature sea-bound flesh-eaters?  That's scary.

(Brief update from Cyclone, as mentioned above:  Silly stranded folks tried to catch a shark with a rope.  What are you gonna do with an angry shark once you pull it up onto your little boat, huh?  That's a scary thought!)

Deep Blue Sea

If Jaws is the Citizen Kane of shark flicks, Deep Blue Sea is the Die Hard of shark flicks.  Because it's kickass and awesome and is directed by the wickedly awesome Renny Harlin.  Despite the fact I love Deep Blue Sea dearly, there's certainly something very scary about it.  You see, the sharks in the film start out like THIS:

Honestly, that's not too scary, right?  The shark's chillin' in a net, chewing on a license plate and hanging with a token Latino helper and Tom Freakin' Jane.  This is a domesticated shark, right?  Nothing you could do would make this shark dangerous, right?  

WRONG!  They (and by they, I mean those who are interested in that evil thing known as SCIENCE!) went and did THIS:

 That's right.  They put a NEEDLE in a SHARK.  What happened next?  THIS:

Oh, sorry dude-from-True-Blood's-dad!  Because you and your sciencey friends went and used a needle on a shark, YOU GOT YOUR ARM EATEN.  And now you're dead, and three "smart sharks" who don't have Alzheimer's are hunting everyone else who's stranded for the weekend in the middle of the ocean.  LL Cool J said it best - "Other fish in the sea but barracuda's ain't equal to a half human predator created by a needle".

Preach it, Brother Cool J.  The big problem in Deep Blue Sea?  THE NEEDLES.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

Look, I can't put Shark Attack 3: Megalodon into words.  But before Spring Break Shark Attack, before Malibu Shark Attack, before Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, before Sharktopus....Shark Attack 3: Megalodon started it all.  

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking: The Mike, what is "it"?  And wouldn't Shark Attack, or even Shark Attack 2 have started "it"?  And I say: NO.  Just trust me, there isn't a worst amazing piece of shark terror out there than Shark Attack 3: Megalodon.  It's got the worst effects, it's got the worst characters, it's got dialogue like THIS.  (And you NEED to click on THIS.  Seriously.  CLICK THIS.) That was awkward, wasn't it Roy Scheider and friends?

See?  AWKWARD.

So, if you're scared of any of these sharks (or shark-like creatures), Shark Attack 3 is the cure.  It's the moment when sharks JUMPED THE SHARK.

Don't believe me?  Watch this clip of the film.  And fear not!