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January 12, 2010

Impromptu Horror Movie Marathon Day! (Part One)

The title pretty much says it. Today, I'm watching a butt-ton of horror movies in a row, and I'm gonna talk about them here. Keep coming back for updates throughout the day!

It's currently 1:02 pm and I started my assault on my senses at 12:54 pm with Ti West's The Roost. If the rest of the movie is as good as this opening (TOM NOONAN!!!!!!!!), I'm in for a treat.

1:14 pm - We're 21 minutes into the film, and it's officially in to "average horror plot and characters" territory. But the atmosphere is fantastic, and the lighting mixes with the handheld aspect the film so well.

1:17 pm - Fantastic tease of a gruesome discovery through quick images. And I wish I lived in this town with its Halloween radio programs. Very cool touch.

1:28 pm - WE'VE GOT BATS!

1:30 pm - 37 minutes in, we have our official SHIT JUST GOT REAL moment of the movie.

1:35 pm - Now that we've got a threat, we're in the "talk about what to do while hiding" stage. And just as I typed that, SHIT GOT REALER! Holy balls, that was well played.

1:46 pm - We're back to being slow and dreadful. Also, I've decided all horror movie scores need to feature violins, or whatever this movie is using to sound like violins. Just think about it. Imagine the them from Halloween played on a violin. Yeah.

1:53 pm - This movie's really starting to resemble Bloodsuckers from Outer Space. Only without the bloodsuckers and the idea of them coming from outer space. Oh, and this movie's good. Nevermind....

1:54 pm - For a second, I thought the score was going to evolve into In the Air Tonight. Coulda been a good move. :)

1:55 pm - Nice "fright break"!

2:05 pm - Maniacal cackling? CHECK.

2:08 pm - That was abrupt. But effective. Oh wait......

2:10 pm - And the credits roll. What a fantastic little film. Like West's more recent and more publicized House of the Devil, The Roost is an effective throwback to how horror movies used to be, without really being a ripoff of any specific film. The cast is average and the plot isn't anything too deep, but the whole movie just has a fantastic feeling of dread behind it.

2:13 pm - And, Noonan is back for a curtain call after the credits. Nice touch.

2:15 pm - By the way, classic horror character stupid decision that leads to the finale. But I've never let that slow me down in my love for a horror.

2:19 pm -On to my second film, and I expect to be far less enthusiastic about this one. It's from the After Dark Horrorfest series and it's entitled From Within.....
2:21 pm - I'd just like to say that seeing the Crank 2: High Voltage trailer makes me very, very happy.

2:22 pm - But in the name of saving time, I skipped the Transporter 3 trailer. :(

2:23 pm - Lions Gate should really just label all their DVDs the "ALL OUR TRAILERS AND EVENTUALLY THE MOVIE EDITION!"

2:24 pm - Finally, a movie. I'm assuming it'll start with a suicide.

2:25 pm - Bruce Willis' daughter looks just like him....which is kinda hot.

2:26 pm - I'm pretty certain that is NOT how that would have gone down....from a ballistics/physics standpoint, that is.

2:27 pm - Commentary on the difference between you and your reflection? Gotta wonder if that's gonna come in to play later on....

2:31 pm - Death toll up to 2. Creepy sound effects? FAIL.

2:32 pm - "Juliet drank poison. Not stabbed a pair of scissors into her neck." Is our lead dyslexic?

2:36 pm - So we don't only have bad sound effects, we have bad creepy montages of random "scary" images?

2:37 pm - More overhanded "messages" and a story of a past murder and/or drowning? Hmmmmm......Hey, that guy! (Adam Goldberg, to be exact.)

2:41 pm - Reveal of corpse number three in 3......2.......1..........YAHTZEE!

2:44 pm - Just when I thought we'd escaped the influence of gangly long-haired J-horror ghosts....

2:46 pm - I don't remember anything in that "Son of a Preacher Man" song about beating up TV's John Connor. Maybe it's just me.

2:48 pm - Whatever train of thinking includes nude paintings of one's great-grandmother is a little weird for my tastes. In other news, it's only been 25 minutes and this movie is making me want to cut myself.

2:54 pm - Our first alleged scare is a big LOL moment. It's now 10:00 PM in the movie at 2:55 pm here and we're 30 minutes into the movie. Number overload.

2:58 pm - Oh yeah, that LOL moment led to death #4. And now we've got piano music that's depressing. See what I said above: Violins = GOOD. Pianos = BAD.

2:58 pm - Apparently the rules have changed. Or at least what we thought were the film's rules have changed. Getting sloppier.

3:02 pm - Dramatic janitor.

3:04 pm - "If your pants are open, can I go in?" Weirder when said by a creepy chick to another chick.

3:06 pm - Wisdom from the town cop: "People here are just passionate. That doesn't make them murderers." It's true. Killing people makes them murderers.

3:08 pm - Riiiiiight. That would pass for a suicide. Sure thing, boss. [/sarcasm]

3:09 pm - If emo-TV John Connor turns out to be a sparkly vampire and this is all a trick, I'm gonna be angered.

3:12 pm - This movie's making me hungry. I think it's all the religious zeal mixed with pasty ghosts whose faces evaporate. Kinda reminds me of a Sunday lunch at Long John Silvers.

3:15 pm - There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission.

3:17 pm - Those mirrors. So tricky. We're up to six dead. And there are still 36 minutes of predicted pain left...for the viewer, that is.

3:20 pm - Man, I just got the crap scared out of me and am afraid someone's following me and I'm going to die. Thus, it makes sense that we LEAVE THE FRONT DOOR WIDE OPEN.

3:22 pm - It would be great if a montage could cover the next 15 minutes of plot in the next 2 minutes of time.

3:29 pm - And, the loose ends of the plot that we already assumed are finally coming together. Yawn. I'm entirely focused on my next movie pick right now.


3:33 pm - This lead actress is so whiny. She's like the evil doppelganger of Ellen Page.

3:41 pm - Boat. Great idea. [/moresarcasm]

3:49 pm - And, the final twist. Mega yawn. Need better movie, now.

Thus endeth Part One of my marathon. I'll have more up as soon as the next movie is over.

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