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December 17, 2010

FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas: 9 Ladies Kicking Ass! (By Totally Jinxed's Jinx!)

The magnificent Jinx, of the aptly named blog Totally Jinxed, has been one of the most devoted Midnight Warriors in the history of FMWL.  She's also pretty freakin' awesome, and I'm ecstatic to have her bringing her own brand of untamed awesomeness to FMWL's 12 Midnights of Christmas.  Below, she offers up her own list of holiday goodies for us all, proving once again that she's as fantastic as Ron Perlman and space sharks.

FMWL's 12 Days of Christmas presents: 9 Ladies Kicking Ass
By Jinx of Totally Jinxed

When The Mike first asked me to participate in his wonderful From Midnight With Love ‘12 Midnights of Christmas’ project I was so ridiculously excited and honoured at the prospect that I bounced off the furniture like an erratic redheaded ball in a badly operated pinball machine for a good half an hour. At some indistinct point during this exhibition of poorly coordinated fervour two things became apparent to me; number one was that 35 year old women shouldn’t leap about without breathing apparatus on standby, number two, more importantly, was that women (even faintly ridiculous ones like me) rocked like Slayer on a particularly good day. It was then, with that second thought echoing around in my oxygen starved brain that I decided that, as soon as the room stopped spinning, I would present for The Mike’s 9th day of Christmas some of the tough, terrific, terrifying, tantalising women of genre film, TV and literature so we can celebrate them. So, be they naughty or be they nice, let’s look at nine of my personal favourite badass broads and give them a big ole cheer this holiday season.

Tiffany from Bride of Chucky & Seed of Chucky

Whether in doll or human form don’t mess with Tiffany because Tiffany will take you down. Obsessive, single-minded, completely crazy, nothing is going to stop Tiffany getting what she wants. The lady may look blonde, curvy, sultry and cute, but under that immaculate made up façade Tiffany is taking no prisoners. As a woman I’m always supportive of women determinedly striving to get what they want, whether it’s education, a career or the love of a serial killer trapped in a doll’s body. Tiffany not only keeps up with Chucky every bloody step of the way, she also dresses better, is more creative, is unquestionably smarter than her male counterpart and has the voice of an angel.

Tank Girl

“Prone to random acts of sex and violence, hair dyeing, flatulence, nose-picking, vomiting, spitting, and more than occasional drunkenness” post apocalyptic Australian outlaw Tank Girl is a hard drinking, ball breaking, ass kicking, trash talking, kangaroo loving ball of pure puck rock awesomeness. An enthusiastic slave to her id, Tank Girl is irreverent, hilarious and always rebellious; she dresses up in silly outfits, could drink for her country, has an impressive arsenal of miscellaneous weaponry and is obsessed with referencing obscure 80s celebrities - all things I heartily approve of. Tank girl epitomised the riot grrrl aesthetic, she stood as an icon for all the girls who didn’t fit the conventionally acceptable norm and didn’t damn well care to.

Ellen Ripley from the Alien franchise

The undisputed bad ass momma of strong female horror characters. Ripley strikes a perfect balance of being an uncompromising and aggressive fighter whilst still reaming charming, intelligent and vulnerable. Xenomorph annihilator Ripley is lean, mean, tough, smart and intuitive - a formidable force that no alien wants to meet in a darkened spaceship. Sigourney Weaver battles her way through the Alien franchise with a power and dignity that has deservedly earned Ripley a place as one of the finest feminist icons in cinema history. Ripley is without a doubt the poster girl for pure, unadulterated, absolute badassery.

General Samantha Carter from Stargate: SG-1

Among many other things, General Samantha Carter is an astrophysicist, an engineer, a pilot and a leading authority on quantum mechanics and alien technology, she is also possibly one of the best female role models television has ever produced. Part soldier part scientist part blonde bombshell in khakis Sam is a killer combo of brains and brawn, she’d just as easily take down a troop of Goa’uld foot soldiers as she would figure out a way to get you back home after a solar flare has accidentally sent you back to 1969. One of SGC’s finest, Sam is loyal, courageous, driven and honourable and while she may be a soldier at heart she still always conducts herself with a humour, warmth and humanity that reassures us that the planet is safe hands with her. And if you need another reason to love her; she blew up a sun, blew up a bloody sun, for Ron Perlman’s sake!

Alice from the Resident Evil franchise

There’s not a chance that Alice is going to let a little thing like amnesia stop her, this lady is a badass babe rediscovering herself in a horrifying post apocalyptic landscape. Beautiful, strong and capable, Alice takes down rampant zombie hordes like they were nothing more than a minor inconvenience on her way to attend to something much more pressing. With a deadly combination of keen wits, remarkable physical prowess, an extraordinary capacity for dexterously handling any given weapon she comes across Alice is a fearless hero and come the zombie apocalypse I’d want her on my side, and preferably a little bit in front of me.

Donna Noble from Doctor Who

I feel obliged to point out that I am not in any way biased toward feisty, outspoken, comically obnoxious redheads, not in the slightest, well, maybe just a little.

Donna Noble is by far my favourite Doctor Who companion of this current crop. When I first began watching Doctor Who, back when fire was new and exciting, Peter Davison was running about in cricket whites with celery pinned to his lapel for no discernible reason and boys hadn’t been invented, I’d have sooner vomited on the carpet than watch anything with icky kissing and mushy love stuff, I wanted excitement and adventure and foiling aliens. When Doctor Who returned, although boys had then been invented and I was much more into kissing, I somehow maintained this attitude along with my general childish wonder and was really consistently blummin’ annoyed by all this romance nonsense that pervaded the new show. It was therefore refreshing for me when Donna pitched up and had no interest in the Doctor and it was all about the excitement and adventure and foiling aliens again, as it should be.

Loud, brazen, wilful, blunt to the point of petrifying and genuinely funny, Donna brought humour and her own unique brand of obstreperous quirkiness to the show. She went from mouthy, insular, unexceptional Londoner to the most important person in the universe and during her journey she repeatedly triumphed with her brains and her quick wit. Beneath her brash exterior was a compassion and humanity that was often heartbreaking and she ultimately proved herself to be a fiercely loyal friend and a genuine selfless heroine. While she may not be the physically conformational heroine there is still no way that Donna is isn’t going to stand up for herself and for others when she needs to and that makes her kick ass in my book.

Debra Morgan from Dexter

Debra Morgan is the foul mouthed, hard working, no shit taking, short fused, crime solving sister of high functioning serial killer Dexter. In stark contrast to her all flavours of crazy brother, Debra is emotional, impulsive, loyal and sensitive, but she is also vulnerable, a women beset with issues, and this makes her a compelling and charming character. Detective Morgan has steadily worked her way through the ranks and her professional skills have earned her the respect and loyalty of many of her co-workers. Although undoubtedly a strong, smart and capable woman, Debra’s outward bluff and bluster often belies her insecurities, both as a woman and as a law enforcement officer, and it is this vulnerability that makes her so believable and makes us want to champion her. We know she’s phenomenal and just can’t wait to see her progress in realising it too.

Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I have to confess that I was never a fan of Buffy, shocking, I know, and I’m sorry, but I think I was just a little too old for it at the time and it just kind of passed me by. However, even I am aware of the cultural significance of the lovely Ms. Gellar’s Buffy and her place in pantheon of ass kicking women can not be denied.

Whilst going through the usual horrendous trials and tribulations of an average highschool girl, cheerleader turned vampire slayer Buffy also had to contend with protecting mankind from all the diabolical creatures hell had to offer. She struggled to come to terms with the huge weight of responsibility burdening her young shoulders and although she attempted to deny who she was, although she made terrible mistakes she ultimately found it in herself to triumph as a strong, independent, asskickingly awesome heroine. Buffy showed a generation of young women that it was ok to grow up to be who you were going to be. She showed us the importance of moral responsibility and fighting for what is right and that we all had it inside us to be unstoppable warrior women.

Mary Shelley, Creator of  Frankenstein

When I was eighteen I was predominately preoccupied with procuring and drinking whiskey, inordinate amounts of black eyeliner, trying to score with boys and the development of new and unique ways to wear fishnet. When Mary Shelley was eighteen she was writing Frankenstein.

Whilst Byron and Mr. Shelley were poncing about writing romantic poetry, Mary was getting her goth on creating the novel that would go on not only to be a literary classic but to be imprinted on the collective conscious of generations to come. It goes without saying that the impact of the novel in literature, film and popular culture is phenomenal. The fact that the scientific implications of her work still continue to be increasingly relevant in terms of the bioethical questions it raises is also pantwettingly awesome. If it hadn’t been for Mary Shelley, James Whale would have never made me cry, Mel Brooks would have never made realise that mispronouncing words for comedy effect is hilarious and Abbot and Costello would have never introduced me to the world of Universal monsters, I’d have also probably never have had the opportunity to see multiple hookers explode due to the ingestion of super crack (God Bless you, Frankenhooker).

Despite being mistakenly made into a film in 1994 by Kenneth Branagh, Frankenstein continues to be popular, fresh and relevant to this day. Mary Shelley is the ultimate grand dame of horror, the rocking rolling grandmother who paved the way for all women in horror.


Thanks again to Jinx for playing the Midnight Warrior game, she's a true champion of truth and justice.  If you haven't yet, head on over to Totally Jinxed and experience her brand of excellence.  And of course, don't be afraid to share your favorite butt-kickin' ladies in the comments below!


Anonymous said...

I freakin LOVE Tank Girl!!!!! And Mary Shelley is an excellent choice for this group of butt kicking beauties!
Great job, Jinx!!
Dreaded Dreams
Petunia Scareum

R.D. Penning said...

Great job! There is a lot of female power going on in these 12 Midnights of Christmas!

Malice said...

I freakin' love Jinx!

This had me bouncing uncontrollably as well, while scrolling down to find all my favorites and a couple I shamefully forgot!

Awesome post.

Jinx said...

Thanks so much all of you! And thanks to The Mike for asking me to play. Can't wait to read all the rest of the posts. Love it!

The Mike said...

This really is awesome Jinx, even if I don't know much about like half your choices. :( Will be fixing that soon!

The Mike said...

And by like half, I mean like 2.5. I'm bad at math.

Liam Underwood said...

Some awesome choices here :D Debora Morgan - good call. Kick-ass girls are the best

Fred [The Wolf] said...

Gotta love those Kick-Ass Girls. Powerful women are definitely sexy. Nice to see Buffy in there. I f'n love that show and that character.