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February 14, 2011

Midnight Top Five - The "My Horror Valentine" Edition

I care for Valentine's Day the same way most people care for cockroaches.  Which is not at all.  In fact, I've often told people that Valentine's Day is the Freddy Kreuger of all holidays...meaning that if you ignore it you take away its power.  As a happily single individual, I fail to see the charm of a holiday designed to spark jewelry sales among the committed and candy sales among the single.  If you love someone, love 'em all the time.  If you don't, you shouldn't be forced to think about it.

HOWEVER...if there were an alternate universe in which I accepted Valentine's Day, it'd probably be the same universe in which movies happen. Thus, it's only fair for me to send out some horror valentines to five horror 'verse ladies I wouldn't mind choo-choo-choosing on Valentine's Day. right?  Right.

There was a little bit of struggle narrowing down all the lovely ladies of the horror scene to five. Since I'm not going on no first date where I can't wear blue jeans, I had to pretty much rule out everything before Rebel Without a Cause.  (Rebel Without a Cause did invent blue jeans, didn't it? That flick RULES!)  And then I remember looking at the horrors of the '70s and going "Meh, all these women are married and have demon children!", and that was kind of a buzz kill.  So that brought me to the horrors of the '80s and today, which make me a little more comfortable to say - let's get it on!

Stevie Wayne (played by Adrienne Barbeau) - The Fog

Despite an unfortunate case of gigantic hair, Stevie Wayne just seems like one of the coolest ladies on the horror block.  With her refined taste in music, smoky voice, and laid back demeanor the queen of Antonio Bay's airwaves seems like the sort of lass that alternate universe The Mike would enjoy hanging out with.  I mean, she wears flannel, listens to smooth jams, and hangs out in a lighthouse.  How is that not cool?

Maybe it would be intimidating having a Valentine who spends most of her time in a giant phallic symbol, and I'm still not sure about that hair, but I'm willing to take my chances.  Fog sets a great mood.

Leigh Cabot (played by Alexandra Paul) - Christine

Alexandra Paul is most known as "the flat one from Baywatch", but long before Hoff and red swimwear invaded Germany she was the wholesome and charming Leigh Cabot in John Carpenter's adaptation of Stephen King's Christine.

Leigh is the perfect example of something many men don't like to admit...we're totally in love with smart women.  Some think that this occurs because men want to corrupt the women, but the fact is that the smartest men realize that they're half as smart as their female counterparts.  It's some sort of karma for us being able to lift things, I think.

Theories on gender aside, Leigh's cute as a button, is open to watching football (which is a The Mike magnet, I must say), and I dig the sweaters.  She'd be an adorable horror valentine.

Nurse Alex Price (played by Jenny Agutter) - An American Werewolf in London

Her morals are certainly questionable (Then again, who's to say mine aren't?) but I'm still terribly drawn to the gorgeous Jenny Agutter.  She's a caring sort who is a go getter when it comes to finding solutions, and she at least has a passing knowledge of Hammer Films, as her idea of The Wolf Man starts with Oliver Reed.  She also enjoys hijinks on the tube, which has an entirely different meaning in London than it does in my mind.  Marvelous night for a Valentine's Day Moondance, she says?  INDEED.

(NOTE FROM THE MIKE: For a minute before that picture of Ms. Agutter, you probably thought I would go with only Carpenter flicks, didn't ya?  Well, NO.  And y'know why I can't stick to Carpenter?  Because of  Julie Carmen in In the Mouth of Madness.  She brings that whole flick down.  Shame on you, Julie Carmen.  SHAME!)

Amber (played by Amber Tamblyn) - Spiral

With a level of quirkiness that seems to have been borrowed from an arthouse film, Amber Tamblyn's character from Spiral has quickly become one of my favorite horror 'verse valentines.  She digs old movies, loves random conversation about hobbies, and just seems to enjoy being goofy and having fun despite what others think.  She might be a little too outgoing - I need a few moments of silence, woman! - but she's just so cute that it's not even fair.  I also get the feeling that she wouldn't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, and that means we could just chill with an old school romantic comedy favorite like The Shop Around the Corner or My Man Godfrey.  I can dig that.

Megan (played by Greta Gerwig) - The House of the Devil

Sometimes, you need a valentine who's not afraid to shove pizza in her mouth.  In the scene pictured, she shoves like half a slice in her mouth, then comments that "this pizza is nasty today" while throwing the slice down.  Moments later, she eats more of the pizza.  My kind of girl.

And I can't be alone in wanting to see more from Megan, who got a raw deal by being Sam's driver on the night of an eclipse.  This was a fun side character, the best friend type that we don't see often enough in horror films.  I say we get a Megan-centric prequel, and soon.  This character needs more lovin', and I know just The Mike to assist her in her journey.

Do you have your own horror valentines that you want to spend time with in the horror 'verse?  Let me know in the comments!  In the meantime, let's just hope Valentine's Day hasn't been too much of a pain in the neck!


Jinx said...

Awesome! Stevie Wayne is possibly one of the coolest characters ever, she's definitely a prime Valentine. And I completely agree with you about HotD's Megan, she was adorable and deserved better. Obviously Ron Perlman will be getting a card from me. I shall probably receive a restraining order in return, which is super romantic.

DrunkethWizerd said...

I too liked Megan from House of the Devil. What a way to go huh?

Reanaclaire said...

Hello, first time coming by and I am deeply impressed, I have written an email to you and hope you will respond, thanks!

Jose Cruz said...

I'm trying my damndest to think of a horror vixen, but Isla Fisher from "Wedding Crashers" keeps invading my mind. Get out of my head, you curvy, little red-headed minx! GET OUT!

Enbrethiliel said...


So it seems they got the casting right for Leigh Cabot!

While I love Christine the book, I was never a big fan of Christine the movie. But there was something about Alexandra Paul even I never forgot. She's supposed to be the dream girl, while Christine is the dream car--and I think she holds her own. =)

My own Horror Valentine would probably be Randy Meeks from Scream. I trust I don't have to explain why. ;-)

Cinema Du Meep said...

I'm kind of in love with this list. Great choices!