Dead Hooker in a Trunk

2009, Dir. by Jen & Sylvia Soska.

It seems like it's far too often that I sit down with an independent horror or action film and end up wondering if I missed some inside joke that the filmmakers and their friends thought was hilarious and wonderful. These are films that I can tell weren't meant to be taken too seriously, but at the same time I find myself bored with them - usually because they're trying too hard to be witty or stylish or cool or some combination of the above. So when a film called Dead Hooker in a Trunk crossed my path, I must admit I was a little wary of falling into that same trap. Thankfully, this film - by Twisted Twins Productions' Jen & Sylvia Soska - seems to have been made with a genuine interest in pleasing fans of grindhouse cinema. Because the sisters seem to understand what the viewer would want in a film of this sort, Dead Hooker in a Trunk kind of kicks ass.

The sisters Soska (who wrote, directed, and starred in the film) offer up a foul-mouthed roller coaster of a flick, but also speak to the fact that no film can survive on blood and style alone. They lead with the macguffin that becomes the title and appear set on shocking the viewer with the antics that follow. Both twins end up bloodied and beaten several times throughout the film, and most of their co-stars (led by Rikki Gagne as their junkie friend and CJ Wallis as a goody-two shoes choir boy) suffer similar fates. But there's much more to the film than just the violence and the splatter-filled gags.

While focusing on those shocks, the sisters command respect with their handling of the film. This could easily have turned into one of those films where most scenes exist to fill time around a few big gags the director loved - an independent version of a Michael Bay film, if you will - but the Soskas never fail to fill the lulls between the bloody encounters the characters continue to stumble into. The script focuses on the rocky relationship between the estranged sisters and Wallis' character's moral/religious dilemmas whenever it gets a chance, and they all show enough skill as actors to keep these characters fresh despite the fact they're never named and are drawn from simple stereotypes.

I'm almost shocked to say how much I enjoyed Dead Hooker in a Trunk. It never feels raw, despite the fact that it's the Vancouver-based directors' first film; and only a few brief moments seemed to go too far over-the-top for my tastes. It lives up to its sensational title with huge helpings of B-movie goodness, but is also grounded by some poetic moments. A mid film cameo from El Mariachi star Carlos Gallardo is just one of the moments that shows the viewer how much these young women love what they're doing as independent filmmakers.

Dead Hooker in a Trunk could have fallen flat, but it's easy to see that the Soskas and company believed in their film and were not willing to cut corners. Like Robert Rodriguez and other renegade filmmakers that came before them, they take steps to ensure that their love of guerrilla cinema shines through the film's cracks. The result is a rare kind of flick with great pacing, a genuine sense of humor, and buckets upon buckets of groovy blood; and it's one that will stay memorable to me and will keep me interested in seeing what the Twisted Twins have up their sleeve in the future. Kudos to them, because Dead Hooker in a Trunk should make any lover of cult cinema proud.

Midnight Movie of the Week #28 - Pretty Poison

Before we begin, I have a confession to make. It has always been my goal, since the new year when the Midnight Movie of the Week series began, that all consecutive movies in this series would be films that were released at least five years apart. It's basically been the only rule I follow regarding my blog. Last night, I asked for recommendations over at my Twittah account, and even made sure to point out that I didn't want any recommendations of films released between 1967-1975, since last week's pick - The Abominable Dr. Phibes - was released in 1971. Yet tonight, when I went to my DVD room for inspiration, I excitedly grabbed Pretty Poison and put it in, despite the fact it was released in 1968. I shame me.

So, we've got Pretty Poison this week. Anthony Perkins stars as Dennis Pitt, a "troubled" young man. We've seen that before. But in this case, he's just been released from an incarceration that came about due to some childhood arson which killed his aunt, and doesn't seem to have any kind of mother issues.What Dennis does have, however, is an active imagination. When he meets his case officer in the opening scene, he laments that the factory work he's being set up with is a waste of his talents...because Dennis feels like he has some bigger calling, like being on the first Venus rocket. And when Dennis falls for a teenage girl he finds sitting alone in a theater (watching a gangster movie, too!) his mind races faster. He ends up telling her that he's a secret agent, and she becomes intrigued by his tale. That case officer once warned him that the world was no place for fantasies, and Dennis should have listened.

Tuesday Weld - a fetching 25 year old blonde with an innocent smile and the right kind of batty eyelashes - co-stars as Sue Ann, the girl who becomes the titular poison. It's easy to see why Dennis falls for her, though it's less obvious as to why a girl like her would be looking for an older and more awkward fellow like him. Their relationship moves fast, and it isn't long before they're fooling around in the woods and plotting schemes like tampering with the factory Dennis hates working at. As one may guess, the combination of carefree teenage mind and mind of an ex-teenage delinquent don't mix well, and things go wrong fast.Pretty Poison uses a lot of film-noir staples (it's surely got the "femme fatale" idea down pat), but shuns that film movement by spending most of its time in the daylight. It's also easy to see that Perkins' performance as Pitt owes far more to his time with Hitchcock than anything Bogart or Mitchum did while wearing an overcoat in a black-and-white film. The game is the same - an impressionable fellow gets his trousers roused by a woman with a problem - but Pretty Poison plays up the idyllic setting and refuses to become just another gritty drama.

Perkins is responsible for a lot of the charm the film offers. Dennis isn't far off from Norman Bates - which is a good thing from an entertainment standpoint - and Perkins is allowed to use most of the same quirks that made that character so memorable. There are few actors (if any) who can play a character who's clearly got issues and still seems worthy of our sympathy. Perkins' name must be at the top of that list. Weld doesn't disappoint either, and is a tart anecdote to Dennis. She manages to charm without any blatant flaunting, which leaves a realistic "girl-next door" feeling as the plot moves forward.Pretty Poison definitely doesn't fall into the horror genre, but it's an interesting piece of subversive cinema that plays well as a distant cousin to Psycho. The leads give it more than enough juice to keep the simple plot going, and director Noel Black and screenwriter Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (who was responsible for Batman 1966, Three Days of the Condor, The Parallax View AND Flash Gordon!) add some nice touches to the simple idea. Pretty Poison never fails to entertain during its brief run-time, and I'm comfortable saying it's a fine addition to the Midnight Movie of the Week clan. Even if I am breaking my own rules.

Random Horror Throwdown - Pieces vs. Halloween II (2009)

I'm just gonna say this up front: I can't think of a movie in recent memory I've hated as much as Rob Zombie's Halloween II. As a Halloween series fanatic, it took everything in my power to accept Zombie's version of Halloween for what it was, and then when the sequel happened I felt like I was starring in an episode of 'Ow! My Balls!'. But, since I'm promising "random" in my Random Horror Throwdowns, its number came up and I'm gonna talk about it. But I'm not going to like it.

Halloween II 2009's opponent? Pieces, a film which can be described and defended as either a masterpiece or a piece of something else. So, this should be fun.

VS.

The Movies:
Pieces (1982, Dir. by Juan Piquer-Simon.)
Starring: Christopher George, Linda Day (George), Edmund Purdom, Ian Sera.
IMDB Synopsis: Young co-eds are being cut up by a chainsaw killer on a college campus. The killer is attempting to put together a human jigsaw puzzle made from body parts. (Note from The Mike: Simple and effective. It's exactly what you think it is.)

Halloween II (2009, Dir. by Rob Zombie.)
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Scout Taylor-Compton, Brad Dourif.
IMDB Synopsis: Laurie Strode struggles to come to terms with her brother Michael's deadly return to Haddonfield, Illinois; meanwhile, Michael prepares for another reunion with his sister. (Note from The Mike: I could spend the rest of the night dissecting this statement, due to my frustrations with Mr. Zombie, but instead I will just sigh and move on. *sigh*)

The Directors:
The other films I know of by JP Simon are Mystery on Monster Island, which I failed to finish despite the presence of Terence Stamp and Peter Cushing, and Slugs: The Movie, which I remember laughing at as a child. He's definitely not a top-shelf director by any means, but Pieces manages to stay afloat despite being a generally awful film from a technical standpoint because he offers what an audience that would be looking for a film like this wants.

Zombie's films show a technical proficiency, and I - like many other horror fans - have often lamented that he has all the tools to make a great horror film. I don't think he ever has, and each day I'm less convinced that he ever will. Zombie has had a lot of things given to him on a silver platter as a filmmaker - name one other director who could make The Devil's Rejects and get a wide summer release - but has continued to frustrate. In the case of Halloween II he did more than frustrate me, he enraged me. Don't care who he is musically, I'm giving the point to Pieces. (1-0, Pieces leads.)

The Plots:
Pieces continues to live up to its tagline by being exactly what you think it is, a simple seedy slasher whose killer carries a chainsaw and cuts up naked women. There's actually a lot of time spent on the side story of the police investigation, which allows us to get Linda Day's famous scene into the film. Halloween II follows up the original remake of Halloween by giving us some incomprehensible crap about Michael's ghost stripper mother and a unicorn making him come back to kill his sister who's now smoking pot and gettin' with dudes because she's so broken up over Michael happening, all while Dr. Loomis, who spent 15 years with Michael has turned into a jackass media whore. So, Pieces gets another point. (2-0, Pieces leads.)

The Casts:
Y'know, I actually kind of like Scout Taylor-Compton as Laurie Strode. Casting her may have been the best thing Zombie did in his two Halloween films (it's just sad that he never understood what the character was supposed to be). Malcolm McDowell has always been great, and sightings of Brad Dourif, Danielle Harris, Margot Kidder, Howard Hesseman, and Bill "Dauber" Fagerbakke are all welcome.

Pieces has the Georges, Edmund Purdom being goofy, the impressively hairy and bald Paul Smith, and the over-the-top awful Ian Sera. But it doesn't have Sheri Moon Zombie, who's both awful and shouldn't belong in this movie because the subplot she's involved in is stupid, so I'm giving another point to Pieces. (3-0, Pieces leads.)

OK, The Mike...we know how much you hate Halloween II, and that you aren't going to give it any points. Why even write this?:
Really great point. The title of the blog is From Midnight, With Love, and this is most certainly (except maybe when I saw Larry Clark's Teenage Caveman) the most unloving thing I've written. But Zombie's Halloween II just pushes all the wrong buttons with me. With Zombie's Halloween, I could at least look at it and say "OK, this would be a good movie if they didn't pretend to be a Halloween movie, but since that was how they could make money with it, that's what they did. I can accept that...I don't necessarily like it, but I accept it. And I knew going into Halloween II that Zombie's version of Michael Myers was not John Carpenter's version of Michael Myers. This was not the boogeyman, this was not just a shape, this was a disturbed redneck kid that turned bad based on the world he's in. Yes, it's more real, but it's not what Halloween was.

But when Zombie turned Laurie Strode into an anti-survivor girl, and turned Loomis the crusader into Loomis the snake; all while adding a ridiculous supernatural back story that both cheapens Myers further and serves primarily as an excuse to get his hot wife who can't act into the film, I lost it. Am I being that guy who craps on details of remakes and sounds like an old man on a bench complaining about those young whippersnappers? Yes, absolutely. But Halloween freaking matters to me, and the fact that I have to distinguish it against Zombie's "reimagining" for the rest of my life makes me sick. I can not let this go unsaid, because my love of Carpenter's film and what it stood for (plus my respect for the sequel he wrote for what it was) is the driving force in my effort to point out why I feel Zombie's Halloween films are offensive.

I blacked out a little while typing that all, but I'm giving a point to Pieces here. (4-0, Pieces leads.)

So, what makes Pieces - a cinematic travesty that's best played for laughs - any better, The Mike?
Funny story: About 8 or 9 years ago, my sister got me a cheap DVD of Pieces - which I'd never heard of before - as a Christmas gift, because back then she used to always get me a random cheap horror DVD with my Christmas presents. At the time, when I was a more discriminating filmgoer, I dismissed it entirely and thought it to be one of the worst films I had in my young DVD collection. When I got to the next point where I needed to sell some DVDs to pay for Christmas presents for my family, it was one of the first DVDs to go.

But time, viewings of other flicks, and memories were - for a reason I can't explain - kind to Pieces. The more bad slashers I saw, the more I looked back thinking "Y'know, that thing was kinda fantastic for what it was!" It didn't take itself seriously, it heaped on what viewers wanted from it, and featured some insanely over the top moments that lived in my mind in infamy. It wasn't a film that deserved my disdain, because - going back to the tagline again - it was exactly what you would think it would be. So, when a remastered version came around and I thought that I should revisit it; on to the Amazon wishlist it went. When my birthday came around, you can probably guess who got it for me as a gift. Yep, my sister. Rob Zombie had one thing right - Family is Forever. So Pieces gets a point. (5-0, Pieces leads.)
This Choice is Like:
Y'know what people love? Diners. You go eat at a diner like the one pictured above, or the one in The Blob, or the one in Superman 2, and you know exactly what you're getting when you order a burger. The food isn't anything special - probably isn't even good for you at all - but it's got that down home charm and you just want to guzzle it down, even if it does seem a bit greasy and the fries are too stiff.

Y'know what people don't love? McDonald's. It sure makes its money, and I admit I'm there more than I should be, but deep down we all know it's just wrong. Doesn't stop it, as it's got name recognition, but it doesn't have any of the charm that diner has.

From what I've been typing, you can tell which flick I think is the diner and which flick I think is McDonalds. Mercifully, the first shut-out in the history of the Random Horror Throwdown is ending, and I swear that it will be a long time before I ever mention Halloween II here again. Rob Zombie, if you're reading this, please go away and leave my Blob alone.

(Note from The Mike: 858 is way too low. This is one fine greasy diner.)

Some Call Me Versatile, Even Though That's Not My Name!

Good afternoon, Midnight Warriors. While I plan to bring you all a fine Random Horror Throwdown this evening, I thought I'd take a moment this afternoon to spread some blog cheer. You see, the fantastic Mr. Joe Monster from over at From Beyond Depraved felt the itch to offer FMWL the prestigious Versatile Blogger Award. While I don't usually partake in these blog award shindigs, I'm feeling most appreciative of late and am more than happy to accept this honor.

With great awards comes great responsibility, so I must fulfill some conditions that come with the award. Primarily, the recipient should 1) Thank the blogger who gave the award; b) Share 7 random facts about theirself; and, lastly, pass the award on to 15 wonderful bloggers who they find to be most fantastic. Done and done.

First of all, Joe Monster. If you haven't experienced From Beyond Depraved yet, you're missing one of the most fantastic young horror blogs on the web. Mr. Monster is one of the most talented writers I've come across, and his passion for the horror genre bleeds through each of his posts. He's quickly become one of the most likeable folks in the horror blog world, and I'm most grateful to receive this award from him.

But enough about him, let's talk about me. (One of my least favorite topics, I assure you.) Seven things you probably don't know about The Mike...begin now.

1. I occasionally sit around cross-legged with one leg (or at least one calf) directly on top of the other. It's weird, but comfy. In fact, I'm doing it right now.
2. I grew up assuming I would take over our family's farm, which had been around for over 100 years. Alas, it was not to be, and I moved on to become a city-dweller (at least in Iowan terms).
3. My quest to bring the horror genre to the world began at a young age. In 2nd Grade, I completed a project for display in a school fair which featured histories of Universal's Monsters, King Kong, Godzilla, and more, all set to one of those scary sound effects cassettes that played through my red tape player.4. I learned to read at age 2 by memorizing The Berenstain Bears and The Spooky Old Tree. Do they dare go into the spooky old tree? Do they dare? Yes, they dare!
5. Last fall, I spent about two months recovering from a knee-injury that occurred while I was dancing to Lady Gaga. (She told me to Just Dance, so I feel she's responsible for damages.)
6. I graduated from college (Iowa State University, to be exact....GO CYCLONES!) with a minor in English. This only happened because I realized I had enough credits for one after taking a couple of film classes and a Science Fiction course.
7. I'm really fond of clocks. No idea why, I just always end up stopping and staring at the clocks in any store. I assume this is due to some kind of alien imprinting, and that when the invasion happens it will turn out that I've already been marked as a "sleeper" agent. (OK, that last sentence isn't true...I hope.)

Now, the fun part, spreading the love, like a joyous rash, to 15 amazing blogs. Mr. Monster's list of blogs covers about 14 of the ones I'd have named (I'm shunning, of course, that From Midnight fellow), but I'm still running into trouble cutting my list down to 15. To those I follow and love who aren't listed below, I apologize.She Blogged By Night
Shredded Cheddar
I Like Horror Movies
Hey! Look Behind You
Z for Zombies
Dead End Drive-In
The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever
Cinema Obsessed
The Person You Benefit From Knowing
Heart in a Jar
Midnight Fright
The Kid in the Hall
The WGON Helicopter
Radiation-Scarred Reviews
Enter The Man-Cave

Thanks to all these fab bloggers for continuing to be fab. Read them, read From Beyond Depraved, read the blogs he listed...read so much that you never need to come back to this hole-in-the-wall site!

(But please, come back anyway. I won't bite.)

The Audio Commentary in which FMWL talks about THE BLOB

I've been promising another audio commentary for a long, long time. And I knew I had to do something special to honor the weekend of Blobfest, where my beloved amorphous killer film is remembered. So, I put two and two together, and here it is.

Unfortunately, The Blob's availability free online recently expired, though a poor quality version of the film does appear to be on YouTube. But if you have the means to watch the film and want to hear me ramble about the flick's production history and social relevance, click the thang and have at it (or download it after you click the thang).

(OK, there's no thang here. Working on fixing it, if you want the commentary in the meantime email me at frommidnightwithlove@gmail.com)

In the meantime, Happy Blobbing to all my Midnight Warriors!

Predators

2010, Dir. by Nimrod Antal.

I'm not sure there's an action movie that male viewers of the last 25 years love more than Predator. The jungle-based sci-fi blockbuster starring Arnold Schwarzenegger has held up extraordinarily well, and also holds the distinction of being one of the few genre films of the late '80s that didn't spawn a series that was based around its star(s). While Terminator/Die Hard/Lethal Weapon/Aliens flicks continued to occur with original cast members, John McTiernan's original Predator - despite the fact it did have an Arnold-free sequel and the two AVP films cashing in off of it, has always remained its own entity. While others could argue their favorite film in each of those other franchises, I don't know if I've ever met anyone who proclaims something other than Predator as their favorite dreadlocked alien hunter film.

I don't think that's going to change with the release of the Robert Rodriguez production of Predators - though I imagine the youngsters who only know Arnie as a governor might disagree - but I'm actually kind of shocked at how pleased I am with Predators after an initial viewing. This "rebirth" of the franchise, which only briefly refers to the events of the 1987 film, manages to dive into some fresh ideas while maintaining a strong connection to its original source.

The biggest change in the film is dealt with early, as it's established that our cast of characters (a who's who of dangerous folks from around the globe) have been dropped onto a strange world where they are being hunted by something. Those who have seen McTiernan's film or any of the follow-ups know what is hunting them, of course, but there are still some surprising reveals to come for even the trained viewer. The new additions to Predator lore don't come with many details - a large portion of what you need to know to understand the film's final act is dealt with through a couple of lines of dialogue by a character that pops up mid-film - but as a student of the first film I welcomed the new aspects of Predator culture. (Speaking of, since the characters here have no prior connection to each other, I don't think I'll be discussing this film's relationships like I've done with Predator.)

Another fine touch is the film's musical score. Original music for the film is credited to John Debney, but I didn't find much in the film that wasn't taken directly from Alan Silvestri's score for the original Predator. That's not a bad thing, as this has always been one of my favorite soundtracks for any action film, and it helped remind me of the connection to the original film...and even seemed like a genuinely respectful gesture.

I think that was the most exciting thing about Predators for me. The movie offered an entirely new set of characters (I thought Adrien Brody was a fine lead, if anyone is wondering) and an entirely new world, but still felt like it really respected the film it was following. Though it would have been easy to assume audiences don't remember what happened 23 years ago (and many studios/producers assume far less of audiences), Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antal manage to avoid short-changing the viewer. They don't do this by simply mimicking Predator either, as a couple of iconic one-liners from that film are left out of this version entirely.

A few of the twists this story takes in regard to its characters and predators aren't completely effective, but I admire the film for not taking the easy route. It would have been cheaper for Fox to send us Alien vs. Predator 3: The Quest for More Money, but respect for the viewer somehow won the day. It's a rare victory for us, so I most definitely plan to enjoy it while I can. You should too.

Midnight Movie of the Week #27 - The Abominable Dr. Phibes

Y'know, if I was married to a young Caroline Munro and she was killed, I'd want revenge too.I strongly considered ending my review after that sentence, because a) Caroline Munro is amazing and b) there's not a lot I can say about The Abominable Dr. Phibes without getting gaga eyed. (No, I'm not going to make a joke about me having a bad "poker face".) But, just for the sake of anyone who might not know the joys of Phibesdom or the science of Phibesology yet, I shall proceed.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes is Anton Phibes, played by that guy called Vincent Price. He's actually an organist who has doctorates in Music and Theology. He's also presumed to be dead, but we learn early on that that's not quite true. Dr. Phibes, despite being disfigured and losing the ability to speak, survived the car crash that occurred while he was rushing to save his sick wife. (Again, the wife = Caroline Munro. I'd rush too.)

Try as he might, Dr. Phibes wasn't able to save his wife, who died on an operating table. The not-so-good doctor, enraged by this fate, decides that the doctors - medical ones, in this case - who were operating on his dear Victoria must have been incompetent and thus were responsible for her death. His solution: take revenge by killing each of the 9 doctors and nurses using the biblical plagues. Naturally, it's Caroline Munro. (OK, I'm done fondling Munro mentally for a few paragraphs. Let's move on.)
The Abominable Dr. Phibes was the 100th film in Vincent Price's acting career. I think it's safe to say there are few actors that can boast that their 100th film is one of their best pieces of work, but that's exactly what happens in Phibes. A large percentage of that is due to the presence of Price, who manages to shine as the disfigured antagonist despite being restricted to only physically express himself with his eyes and his dance moves. The dubbed voice work - because his character can't speak through normal means - adds to the intrigue of the character, as each of his words (spoken via a gramophone connected to his throat) resonate like his cackling at the end of Thriller.

But unlike other flicks that entirely rely on Price to carry the film, there's a lot of help around him in Dr. Phibes. There's also a surprising bit of humor, led by a goofy police subplot, featuring lead Inspector Trout (played by Peter Jeffrey), that keeps the film feeling fun while not allowing the macabre plot to pull the film down. A lot of popular films would borrow the Phibes formula later, but the mixture of comedy and horror here really helps the film stay charming. For the most part, director Robert Fuest balances the cheesy and serious aspects of the film well, and the film maintains horror credibility by letting Price unleash some nasty (if not silly) actions in the name of revenge.
The Abominable Dr. Phibes also holds the distinction of being one of the earliest films to focus on using inventive kills, which became a staple of the horror genre with the rise of the slasher film. Though I'm shamed to admit that it's a little difficult to keep up with the use of the 10 plagues (in my defense, it's easier for me to follow than the Shakespeare references in one of Price's later Theatre of Blood), the kills are all unique and even a bit disturbing. The use of locusts is my personal favorite, and is another great example of how Fuest's film takes ridiculous ideas and makes them work within his film.
There aren't many horror films that are more fun to watch than The Abominable Dr. Phibes. It might not be a horror film that will spread chills down your spine consistently, but it never ceases to work as a campy revenge tale. Mr. Price made a career out of headlining this kind of audience pleasing macabre, and Dr. Phibes might just be the best example of his appeal out there. Dr. Phibes' tagline preaches that "Love means never having to say you're ugly". They must be right, because I can't find anything about this flick ugly.

Especially not Caroline Munro.



(Normally I put a trailer for the film here, but the only trailer I can find on YouTube spoils like 90% of the awesome things about the movie. So you can go there and watch it if you like, but I'm not linking it for the sake of anyone who hasn't gotten Phibesed yet.)

Random Horror Throwdown - High Tension vs. Orphan

Hey boys and girls, there are going to be some REALLY HUGE SPOILERS right about here. You see, this week's Random Horror Throwdown features two of the most absurd twist endings in recent horror history. In one corner, we have High Tension - in which two young women are chased across the French countryside by a murderous madman who is in fact one of the girls' herself, suffering from multiple personalities or schizophrenia or whatever - and Orphan - in which a murderous adoptee is revealed to be a Russian ex-prostitute dwarf or midget or whatever. I know I'm probably getting the details wrong, but they shouldn't have been so ridiculous.

VS.

The Movies:
High Tension (2003, Dir. by Alexandre Aja.)
Starring: Cecile De France, Maiwenn, Phillipe Nahon.
IMDB Synopsis: Two female college students, Marie and Alexa, set off to Alex's parents' secluded homestead in the country to relax and study. Come nightfall, Hell pulls up at the front door when a mysterious killer breaks in and kills Alexa's father, mother, brother, and pet dog. Alex is now bound and gagged, taken off by the killer, with Marie not far behind eluding the intruder. Can she save her friend's life in time, or is everything all that it seems...? (Note from The Mike: This guy should be in sales. Despite the weird punctuation at the end, I want to see this now!)

Orphan (2009, Dir. by Jaume Collet-Serra.)
Starring: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman.
IMDB Synopsis: A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be. (Note from The Mike: Of course she's not as innocent as she claims to be! She's a Russian ex-prostitute dwarf!)

The Casts:
OK, I don't speak French and am Americanese. Thus, I have no idea who the people in High Tension are. Apparently Maiwenn was in The Professional and The Fifth Element (and had a kid with Luc Besson in real life). And Cecile De France was in the 2004 version of Around the World in 80 Days...though if nobody saw it, was she really in it?

As for Orphan, the duo of Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga are awesome. And we can't take away from little Isabelle Fuhrman, who is not a Russian ex-prostitute dwarf yet gives a relatively believable performance in the role. Despite the presence of young Jimmy Bennet, who is probably my least favorite actor of all-time, I have to give a point to Orphan here. (1-0 Orphan leads.)

My Experience With the Films:
I'm not terribly connected with either of these films, though I do have fond memories of High Tension opening at the local art house theater back when I was employed there. It was rare for us to get a horror film, so I was quite pleased. The only joy I've ever gotten from Orphan, is from when I had the ending spoiled for me - willingly - because I couldn't stand to wait to hear how ridiculous it was. Laughs were had. Oh, and also, I have to say how much I love that High Tension poster. I've had it on my wall a few times. I guess that's worth a point for High Tension. (1-1.)

The Directors:
Jaume Collet-Serra has three films under his belt. One is Orphan, one is a soccer movie, and one is the remake of House of Wax with Paris Hilton. By default, Orphan is definitely the best thing he's done. On the other hand, despite High Tension probably being the movie I've most enjoyed from Alexandre Aja, I kinda like him a lot. The Hills Have Eyes remake wasn't crap, and now he's got Piranha 3-D coming out. Piranha 3-D stars my true love, Elisabeth Shue. Aja knows Elisabeth Shue! Thus, his movie gets a point (2-1, High Tension leads.)

So really, how ridiculous are these plot twists?
Well, Orphan hinges on the fact that little Esther has hypopituaritism, a disease that results from the pituitary gland in the brain not producing hormones as it should. In the case of Esther, we have to believe that Esther's main problem was with the growth hormone and not others like the luteinizing hormone, which would have lead to a lack of libido that wouldn't work for a Russian ex-prostitute. I guess it's entirely possible that someone would suffer this way, but I have to wonder how such a disease could have gone untreated for so long while she continued to pose as a child.

As far as High Tension goes, there's a little movie from 1960 that showed us all that alternate personas as killers can work. Though that film's "psychology" has now been pretty much debunked, it's fine with me that High Tension decided to rely on this. What's not OK is how the story handled this, including the fact that large portions of the film feature a truck being driven by the killer being chased by a vehicle driven by the young woman who's revealed to be the killer.

So, in conclusion, they're both quite ridiculous. No points are awarded here.

The Plots:
Y'know, for about 70 minutes, I really liked what High Tension had to offer as a slasher film, a subgenre that was entirely dead during that part of the decade. It was brutal, it was well shot, it lived up to that awesome Sonic Youth-filled trailer. If I get past the silliness of who's driving who, I kinda want to say I like it.

Then there's Orphan, which could have worked really well in a The Good Son kind of way, except for the fact it seemed to go on for a half-hour too long. (Coincidentally, I recall Collet-Serra's Wax remake also being far too long. Someone get him an editor, stat!) It offered a fine cast, some strong chills, and I can almost forgive the twist based solely on Fuhrman's performance. I'd honestly say that both films featured a perfect idea for a horror film, but both were handled poorly.

This Choice is Like:
I rarely mention it here, but I'm a pretty big sports fan. If God came down from above and said "The Mike, I'll let the Packers win every game they play, including Super Bowls, for the rest of eternity, but you can never watch another movie", I'd sign on a dotted line in an instant. I might even agree to trade my DVD collection to said God, asking only for the damnation of John Elway in return.
So this matchup kind of reminds me of the NFC title game from 2008, in which the Packers tried everything they possibly could to lose to the New York Giants, only to have the Giants meet them by doing everything they could to not win the game. The game went to overtime, and the Packers had the momentum, and everything seemed to be coming together...and then they made another mistake and finally lost the game, despite a historic home field advantage and a not-yet-annoying future Hall of Fame quarterback. (Oh, and then the Giants went on to pull off the biggest upset of all-time by beating the undefeated Patriots, too.)

What does that have to do with this pair of films? I don't know, but it's depressing. And both of these twists took away from what could have been great horror films, which is also depressing. In the end, I guess I'd say that Orphan had the home field advantage by being a big budget American production and, despite going to overtime and being a near two-hour horror film, managed to make just enough mistakes to give High Tension this point and the 3-1 victory. Lets hope Aja has some of the same magic that that Giants team had as he moves forward, because if he screws up a film that stars my darling Elisabeth Shue, I just might rage out and then cry.

(Note from The Mike: Not that that happens after Packer games....just...please...leave me alone for a bit. I'm not crying.)

That One Time When Christopher Lee Hosted Saturday Night Live

If you're like me, you love looking back at the joys of Saturday Night Live. While I wasn't quite born when the show first aired, looking back at the initial seasons of the show and the cast of comedy geniuses fills me with awe. So, imagine the shock that occurred when I put in a disk from SNL's third season and found that something magical happened on March 25, 1978. On that night, Saturday Night Live was hosted by horror icon (and member of FMWL's first Hall of Fame class) Christopher Lee.Surprised? Me too. Thankfully, Mr. Lee explained himself with this monologue:

I'm quite sure that when some of you heard that Christopher Lee was going to host Saturday Night Live you were somewhat surprised, if not a little apprehensive. Well, so was I. In fact, I approached this whole thing with considerable trepidation and dread. You see, I've seen the show, and I admire it enormously; at times I even find it...quite humorous. You know, I've appeared in over 130 motion pictures, and not ALL of them begin at 3 AM on Channel 9. I was The Man With The Golden Gun in the James Bond film; I, uh, played with Raquel Welch in The Three or Four Musketeers; I drowned in Airport '77, and I'm sure that you will remember me vividly as Trixie in The Honeymooners. As you may know, I first came to public attention as a result of my appearances in certain rather eerie and even macabre films. But you may be surprised to know that I haven't made one in several years. This is because I have a great deal of respect for this kind of film, and I don't think that very good ones are being produced anymore. Week after week, I find myself receiving scripts like The Creature from the Black Studies Program...and Frankenstein Snubs The Wolf Man...and of course, Dr. Terror's House of Pancakes. To give you an idea of the depths to which this sort of picture has sunk nowadays, I can't do better than to show you some coming attractions. Here then, are the trailers for three current films:

That was followed up by three trailers featuring the SNL cast: The Island of Lost Luggage (in which "No one will be seated during the horrifying tote bag sequence"), The Thing That Wouldn't Leave (in which John Belushi overstays his welcome and terrorizes Bill Murray and Jane Curtin), and Dr. Jekyll and Mister Rogers (in which Dan Aykroyd plays Vincent Price playing both the mad doctor and the sweatery (Thanks to Emily C!) TV host). After the three trailers aired, the show cut back to Lee who smiled knowingly and said "See what I mean?"Lee only appeared in three skits during the episode, competing for air time with Weekend Update, two musical performances, stand-up by Richard Belzer, a short film by Gary Weis (which features Stacy Keach!), AND an episode of Mr. Bill. But when he did get into the show, he didn't disappoint.

The first skit featured Lee as My Fair Lady's Professor Henry Higgins (originally played by Rex Harrison), who is faced with the challenge of helping out a young TV personality with a speech impediment - ABC's Barbara Walters. The skit works best when music swells up to introduce a musical number...which never happens. It's probably the least interesting of the skits Lee's in - primarily because the movie was already about 10 years old and is now nearly 40 years old - but he plays the role well.
Near the midpoint of the episode, Lee shows up in a full costume as an incarnation of Death itself. It seems a young girl, played by Laraine Newman, has just lost her pet dog, and Death feels a little sorry about it. He explains his profession to the youngster, stating "it's a living", but occasionally gets frustrated with her. When she continues to list the pets she's had that have died, Lee is forced to shout "So I don't like small animals!" The two make peace, and just before he leaves the young girl asks for a kiss good night. Lee fights back the urge to smile as he warns her: "Don't tempt me!"
Later in the show, Lee plays a role that he's familiar with - though he was usually on the other side of the set. With Belushi assisting him, Lee plays a stake-wielding hero whose name might just be Van Helsing. But the duo aren't after a vampire...they're after disgraced ex-President Richard Nixon. Dan Aykroyd plays the non-crook, and is the funniest part of the skit. Lee again seems to be playing the straight man in the scene, but his willingness to mock the character that helped make him famous is quite enjoyable.

Perhaps the biggest laugh of the show comes, however, when Lee introduces the musical guest. He motions toward the band, and grandly pronounces "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like you all to meet....LOAF!" Lee plays confused for a moment, listening to a stagehand, before apologizing to the audience; and proceeds to properly introduce Meat Loaf.Maybe Sir Christopher Lee wasn't the most suited to host the show, especially alongside the comedy heavyweights of that era, but it's most welcome to see him out there having fun. As the show closes, Lee seems genuinely grateful for the opportunity, and the smile on his face is nearly as big as the one that was on mine seeing one of my favorite actors hosting the show I'd never have expected.

And really, if Betty White can do it, why can't we get an encore performance 32 years later? Who's with me????

FMWL'S Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments! (Inspired by The Horror Digest)

Over at the all-too-fantastic The Horror Digest, Ms. Andre Dumas has offered a minor challenge to readers like myself. She listed her Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments, and has asked others to ponder their own moments of discomfort. Since discomfort is my middle name, I decided I must put together my own list of moments that give me mega-goosebumps.

I of course should note that there COULD BE SOME SPOILERS in this list, so beware! As a warning, each title listed will be accompanied by a Spoiler Rating, which lists how severe of a spoiler the moment might be. That said, let's get to listing!

10. Twilight Zone: The Movie - "There's something on the wing of the plane!" (Spoiler Rating - Minimal)With George Miller directing a Richard Matheson story, and with John Lithgow being perfectly unhinged, Twilight Zone: The Movie breaks away from the mediocrity that filled its first three segments in this retelling of the classic "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" episode. Though the Shatner-centric TV episode is still a classic, Lithgow's shivering unease as he watches a creature ravage the wing of the airplane never ceases to bring a few chills to my spine.

9. Saw II - "Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack" (Spoiler Rating - High)Remember back when Saw movies didn't feel like an unfortunate plight? I remember admitting the first film, while SEVERELY flawed had some great moments, and I remember seeing the sequel and being surprised at how it advanced the plot. Really, the Saw series is this generation's Friday the 13th, where everyone will remember Jigsaw even though his efforts didn't expand until the second film.

Anyway, the scene in question here features my biggest personal terror: NEEDLES. And when poor Shawnee Smith, she who survived The Blob, gets chucked into a pit full of dirty old syringes....it's as close as I ever came to throwing up in a theater. And now that we know what her role was in the plot? Fricking creeps me out that she agreed to be a part of it.

8. The Birds - Happy Ending? (Spoiler Rating - VERY HIGH)There's always been something about the final minutes of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds - which I love despite finding it kinda cheesy, it'd struggle to crack my Top 10 Hitch flicks - that has haunted me. Seeing the survivors drive off, with no clear path set for them, as thousands of birds just sit and watch...I never know what happens next. And I want to. I see that glimmer of sunlight shining through the clouds, but it's not much hope. Kinda like how Nic Cage and wife drive off into a cloudy distance at the end of Michael Bay's The Rock....it leaves me wondering what happened next, with doubt running rampant in my mind.

7. Dead and Buried - "Something for the Pain" (Spoiler Rating - Low, it's on the fricking DVD artwork)Remember that one time when I said my biggest personal terror was NEEDLES? Well, if there's one thing scarier than hundreds of them, its one really well placed needle. Thus is the case in Gary Sherman's Dead and Buried (if you haven't, SEE IT), where a mysterious town hides its secrets from victims (and the town sheriff) by disposing of tourists. An unfortunate soul from the film's opening scene is left burnt to a crisp and wrapped entirely in bandages....and then Lisa Blount, dressed as a nurse, is sent in to seal the deal with a needle to the eyeball. Meanwhile, I scream like a banshee EVERY DANG TIME.

6. Pumpkinhead - Crossing Paths (Spoiler Rating - Low)Amidst the horrible acting and silly plot, Pumpkinhead features what might be my favorite monster of all-time. Late in the film, as the characters seek shelter in an abandoned shell of a church, a young man proclaims "I think it's here" and we're suddenly treated to a far off vision of Pumpkinhead seen through the doorway of the remaining wall. Backed by some perfect blue lighting and strobe effects, the monster slowly works his way through the building to a leftover wooden cross, which he fiercely bashes against the wall. This act of rebellion against any overseer isn't really what sells the scene for me, it's mostly the fact that the monster looks so darn fierce with a strobe behind him. Terrified me as a kid, terrifies me now.

5. Paranormal Activity - SHE'S COMING RIGHT AT US! (Spoiler Rating - Really, Really, Ridiculously High)I will admit, despite whatever backlash comes from the 9 month old movement against the found footage horror sensation, that I fell completely into Paranormal Activity's trap. Seeing the film in a packed theater with a receptive crowd was one of the most intense viewing experiences of my adulthood. Case in point: the final moment, where the newly possessed Katie turns her attention toward the camera, and thus the audience. Look, I know it's stupid. I know it doesn't make sense, and I knew that moments after I saw it. But in that moment, when I had been on the edge of my seat for 85 minutes, I actually found myself pushing myself back into my seat, as if I was crawling away from the face heading at me from the screen. I know, it's silly. But it worked on me then, and I still get a little jumpy thinking about that flick. Good times.

4. The Gate - "You've been BAAAAADDDDD!!!" (Spoiler Rating - Moderate)Back on the topic of childhood terrors, there's Tibor Takac's The Gate; in which Stephen Dorff and nerdy friend unleash a slew of claymation demons from a hole in the backyard. Near the midpoint of the film, our lead finds his parents outside and runs to them, assuming safety - only to have what looks like his father scream "You've been baaaaaaaddddddd!!!" in a deep and echoing tone. Then, after a demon filled interlude, the ominous red phone rings, and the phrase is repeated with extra reverberations. I can not even begin to guess how many nightmares I've had that feature that voice.

3. The Shining - Room 237 (Spoiler Rating - Low)I could have gone multiple directions with this film, but I knew The Shining had to be represented here. I almost went with Danny's run-in with the Grady twins, but settled on the horrors of Room 237 as experienced by Sir Jack Nicholson. There's a wonderful build up to the scene and then when Jack finally heads in and meets a seductive lady who turns repulsive, it's as effective as anything I've seen. Plus, any occasion in which a naked woman turns out to be a bad thing is not something I want to experience.

2. Prince of Darkness - Transmission Received (Spoiler Rating - Very High)I will never not love John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness. In my opinion, it's one of the most underappreciated horror films of all-time. Though there are many moments in this "vat-o'-Satan" epic that I love, it's the repeated images of transmissions from the future that have always stuck with me. And when they are completed in the final scene - and Lisa Blount once again terrorizes me! - it's one of the best open endings in Carpenter's filmography.

1. The Innocents - Woman in Black (Spoiler Rating - Moderate)Andre covered this one in her post, and it's what inspired me to go on with this list. As she points out, it's not a hidden scare, it's blatant. Watching the scene in question, steps are clearly taken to keep everything in the scene in light tones. All the characters are wearing white, it's a bright day by the lake, even the trees are illuminated. And then, in the middle of the shot, a woman in black throws everything for a loop. Deborah Kerr reacts the same way I did...with complete shock. If there's ever been a scene that proves the inherent power of black and white photography, this is it.

And that's that. If you want to share your own willy inducing moments, hit up the comments, or head over to The Horror Digest and check in on that great post! Happy 4th, Midnight Warriors!

Midnight Movie of the Week #26 - Ginger Snaps

I really can't know anything about Ginger Snaps, considering my lack of female genitalia. The film's central theme, which is hidden under a shiny werewolf cover, most certainly focuses on the difficulties young girls face when they reach the menstrual cycle. OK, maybe I can relate a little bit, I do have memories of helping my sister do "tampon math" whilst pricing in a Wal-Mart aisle. While my sister was a little vicious, even she can't compare to the teenage behaviors of Miss Ginger Fitzgerald.

Ginger (played by Katharine Isabelle) and her sister Bridget (Emily Perkins) are 16 and 15, respectively, and fascinated by death. They've even got one of those cute BFF-style pacts - "out by 16 or dead in the scene" - which I assume is because they know that life definitely gets worse once you're old enough to drive. But when Ginger gets attacked by a beast, she starts to change. The beast that Bridget catches on camera looks a lot like a werewolf, but the effects look a lot like the blood tide that I hear happens when women reach a certain stage of development. The sisters meet with the school's nurse, a middle-aged woman who's quite chipper while assuring the girls that none of the weird changes are out of the ordinary. But, these girls notice quickly that growing a tail can't possibly be normal.
In a telling moment, a male admirer who notices Ginger being effected offers her some help "to take off the edge". Ginger, who has always been the more photogenic (and thus, more noticeable) sister, responds with a confident "Maybe I like my edge." In what seems like no time she starts to realize what her "curse" is, and this curse in turn changes her outlook on teenage life, particularly when the opposite sex is involved. She begins to dress differently, to interact more aggressively with boys, and to distance herself from her younger sister, presumably because she thinks Bridget couldn't possibly understand her new ways.

If I hadn't used the word werewolf earlier, you might assume the film is simply a coming-of-age drama, or at least a John Hughes film. Like Hughes' film, most adults in the girls' life are presented as out-of-touch and one-dimensional. The girls' father sits quietly and shakes his head most of the time, trying to avoid having to talk about what's going on. The male guidance counselor takes offense to the girls' macabre tendencies, and fits into the sweater wearing conservative teacher role well. The girls' mother, played by Tom Cruise's leftover Mimi Rogers, is the most interesting of these adult characters. Though her role is designed to be over-the-top, her motherly pride while basking in the joy of her daughter's special time adds a lot of humor to the film. It also advances the gender dynamics, and at one point she even tells her husband to "stay in your little world", assuming he'd be confused by the one females exist in. In this case, I'd say she was dead on.Considering the parallel the film tries to make, this almost satiric tone really helps keep Ginger Snaps fresh. The film's ability to lighten the mood while dealing with lycanthropy reminds the viewer of the early '80s when John Landis and Joe Dante, were bringing werewolves back to the mainstream. Director John Fawcett, like those two men, seems to recognize that completely serious takes on werewolf mythology haven't worked since the 1940s.

Ginger Snaps has aged pretty well since becoming a minor sensation on DVD and SyFy in the early 2000s. The film spawned two sequels, which remained true to the sisterly bond that is driving force for the characters. Neither sequel, however, succeeded in creating an interesting take on the female condition, and I think - despite my previously mentioned gender - that the original Ginger Snaps managed to pull that off with flair. Thanks to Fawcett's handling of Karen Walton's script, Ginger and Bridget are allowed to exist alongside the best tragic characters in this generally tragic subgenre, and the film's blurring of the line between the menstrual and lunar cycles - which goes so far as to having Ginger equate feeding on a victim to sexual intercourse - lives on as a stroke of genius.
These days, when teenage girls and werewolves are only put together with sparkle vampires, it helps to have Ginger Snaps around as counter-programming. Maybe, if we're lucky, some of the young ladies obsessed with that watered-down horror franchise will someday realize that they like their "edge" too.