The Movies of The Mike's Years

Oh, lists.  You're so easy and fun and at the same time thought provoking and debatable.  You're like some crappy ABC series, and for that, I think I love you.

Long time Midnight Warrior Emily C over at The Quest to Watch Every Movie Ever recently brought up a list meme that's going around the cyber 'verse, and I, The Mike, decided it was about time I jumped in.  The rules for this list are pretty simple. For each year you've been alive, you pick a movie.  I'm gonna pick a movie from each year that I think most represents who I am as The Mike - and (in a break from FMWL tradition) I'm not even limiting myself to genre films!  That's right.  This one time, and one time only, you can look into what's going on in the other areas of The Mike's movie lovin' mind! (And yes, I realize that I'm like 431 in blogger years.  Sorry. Now let's do this!)

1981 - Escape From New York - John Carpenter's flick, led by the mega-antihero Snake Plissken, is too cool for school.  I can't get enough of its gritty universe.

1982 - Conan the Barbarian - The easy answer would have been The Thing, but since I just went with Carpenter I'll let my love for Mr. Schwarzenegger's films shine. Some of the drama between Conan and Subotai, as cheesy as it is, moves me.

1983 - Something Wicked This Way Comes - I'm a sucker for horror tales that focus on real human characters, and Ray Bradbury's tale of an ominous carnival that preys on human desires is a classic in my mind. (I almost went with Valley Girl, because I am a bit convinced I WAS a Valley Girl in a previous life. But then I was like, AS IF!)

1984 - Gremlins - For a child of the '80s, this is the gateway to old-school sci-fi and monster movies.  I still want a pet mogwai.

1985 - The Breakfast Club - A classic whose dramatic punch can't be understated.  The rare '80s film that improves with age.

1986 - Hoosiers - MAN, this was a tough year.  Ferris Bueller, Highlander, Transformers The Movie, Big Trouble in Little China - so many of my favorites.  But, as a movie nut and sports nut, I have to give an edge to my favorite sports movie, which gets me pumped up every time.

1987 - Adventures in Babysitting - It KILLS me (I do bleed) to not list Predator here.  But Adventures in Babysitting pretty much got me through my childhood.  Can I call this a tie?  Because I'll give up the rest of the '80s for both Adventures in Babysitting AND Predator!  Oh, and The Monster Squad too!

1988 - Die Hard - Though this was a great year for horror films - including They Live, which was the subject of my favorite thing I've ever written - I can't pass up what might be the Citizen Kane of action films.

1989 - The 'Burbs - There's no argument here.  This....this is my neighborhood.

1990 - Goodfellas - Oh look, a good movie thrown in for good measure!  I wanted to go with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie, but Scorsese won the coin toss.

1991 - The Addams Family - I must have watched this update of the classic TV show a hundred times on HBO when I was young.  So many memorable lines and deep laughs, I just can't get enough of it.

1992 - Scent of a Woman - Pacino at his loudest.  Great stuff.

1993 - Wayne's World 2 - I can recite this movie from memory.  In fact, I'm pretty sure it contains instant happiness and relief from the world's problems. Excellent!

1994 - The Shawshank Redemption - Gaaaahhhhh, I kind of want to throw Ed Wood a bone for being black & white and about horror/sci-fi films gone by.  Alas, Shawshank is just too good.

1995 - Copycat - I'm picking this over some better thrillers (like Seven and Heat and The Usual Suspects) because my sister flat out loved it and I was always like "Meh, it's OK" to combat her - when in fact I totally loved it too. I admit it now for the world to see.

1996 - The Rock - This is the movie that made me who I am. Every passionate thought I've had about a film since June 7, 1996 was born when I saw The Rock that night.

1997 - Grosse Pointe Blank - I don't give Cusack enough respect these days (probably because most of what he's done the last decade sucked hard), but the man used to be an icon to me.  Grosse Pointe Blank, like The 'Burbs before it, wins my dark comedy lovin' heart.

1998 -The Spanish Prisoner - This is another year where I love a lot of movies.  Out of Sight, Rushmore, and The Truman Show are all personal faves.  But The Spanish Prisoner is just the kind of mystery that speaks to me, and I get caught up in it like I have few films since Hitchcock.  Mamet rules.

1999 - American Beauty - It's cliche now because everyone followed it and mimicked it, but this movie really did move me deeply when I first saw it.  It still remains among my very favorite movies.

2000 - High Fidelity - My roommate at the time swears up and down that Jack Black's character in this film was based on me.  I can't confirm or deny this, but you should know that I'm a surprisingly awesome singer. (OK, maybe I'm just an awesome singer in my mind. BUT DON'T YOU DARE CRUSH MY DREAMS!)

2001 - Lantana - This is another underseen human-based thriller - like The Spanish Prisoner - that just catches me and doesn't let me go.  Oh, and Barbara Hershey's in it!

2002 - Dog Soldiers - 2002 was one heckuva year for films Mike loves.  Spider-Man changed my perceptions and revived the young Mike who wanted to be a superhero, Minority Report ruled, Moonlight Mile and The Salton Sea both moved me deeply. But, Dog Soldiers...man, it gets my blood pumping like nothing since The Rock can.  Tonight that's the winner.

2003 - Big Fish - I'm not usually one to fall supremely in love with a movie, but this was in my Top 5 of all-time after first viewing.  It's been years since I watched it and the memory has faded a bit - I overloaded hardcore when it was in theater and I had free passes - but the thought of it still gets me a little misty eyed.

2004 - Spartan - More Mamet.  Like Spanish Prisoner and Lantana, this one haunts me with its depth and intrigue.  Also features what might be the most amazing musical score ever to hit my mind.

2005 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Back to back wins for Val Kilmer, who teams with Robert Downey Jr. in what is probably my favorite film since at least Big Fish.  It's just a ton of improper fun.

2006 - V for Vendetta - I'm a little surprised to find this atop my Flickchart for 2006, but I am quite the fan of this dystopian action tale.  And Natalie Portman is my birthday twin, so why not?

2007 - Hot Fuzz - I like to think that Nick Frost's character in this movie was based off of me. Little hand says it's time to rock and roll...

2008 - Iron Man - Aside from The Fantastic Four - whose movie sucked (OK, I loved the first one, but I'm not admitting it here) - Iron Man was my favorite hero as a kid.  Jon Favreau and Robert Downey Jr. brought him to me and made me quite happy.  For that, I salute them.

2009 - Watchmen - My comic nerd twist continues, as Zack Snyder's epic version of the graphic novel wowed me.  It might not have been an exact follower of the comic, but it's as good as we can dream to see.

2010 - Monsters - This is a tough one to call, as most movies from 2010 are still pretty new to me, but Monsters is one I've seen at least five times already.  So it gets the vote for now, we'll see how time treats it.

2011 - Dawning - While I could go with films that actually came out this year in theaters - if I did it'd be a toss-up between Thor and Hanna thus far - I'm gonna show some love to a film that hits DVD in June, Gregg Holtgrewe's Dawning.  It's a movie that's meant a lot to me on its own merits, but it's also special because Gregg has been a great friend of FMWL and a gracious recipient of feedback from myself and some other bloggers.  I hope that you'll have a chance to understand this pick more when it hits DVD June 28th,  and you can click HERE to add it to your Netflix queue today!

Midnight in the Twilight Zone - Changing of the Guard

It's been well more than a year since FMWL spent a Midnight in the Twilight Zone. Not sure why I abandoned this feature, because I freakin' love The Twilight Zone.  It's like the best thing to ever happen to TV, except for maybe Sports Night.  Thankfully, a good friend of FMWL - Andre Dumas of The Horror Digest - got me thinkin' about The Zone again yesterday.  And, with the help of Instant Netflix, I decided to go out and find an episode of The Twilight Zone I hadn't seen before. Which brings us to the final episode of the series' third season: Changing of the Guard.

"Professor Ellis Fowler. A gentle, bookish, guide to the young. Who is about to discover that life still has certain surprises, and that the campus of the Rock Springs School for Boys lies in a direct path to another institution - commonly referred to as The Twilight Zone."

First of all, I will admit that the main reason I chose this episode was the fact that the lead is played by Donald Pleasence.  We don't talk about it enough, but Donald Pleasence is completely the most underrated genre icon of his era.  While the likes of Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, and Peter Cushing - all among the all-time greats - were showing up in Victorian horrors by Roger Corman or Hammer Films consistently, the 218(!) film and TV appearances of Pleasence seem to have been slightly overlooked by the cult film fanatic.  Well before his famous turn as Dr. Loomis in Halloween - a role he only got because Lee turned it down - Pleasence was appearing in sci-fi films (Fantastic Voyage, THX 1138), big budget action films (The Great Escape, You Only Live Twice), cult flicks (Roman Polanski's Cul-de-sac), and even a few horror films (former Midnight Movie of the Week pick Raw Meat).  Alas, Pleasence's name has rarely been recognized alongside those names - even though Price, Cushing, and Lee never made their way to The Twilight Zone.  I think it's about time we change that, don't you? This dude belongs on the Mount Rushmore of Awesomeness, I say.

In Changing of the Guard, Pleasence plays Professor Ellis Fowler, mentioned by Mr. Serling in the opening, a stodgy old teacher who finds himself forced into retirement days before Christmas.  The dejected professor, lost without his pulpit, begins to consider suicide as he stands at a statue which honors Horace Mann - recognized as the father of modern education - and bears the inscription shown above: Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.  As Professor Fowler laments that he has won no victory and that his words have been lost on the youth he interacts with, a funny thing happens.  The ghosts of several of his fallen students appear before him, with a message from beyond the grave.

With a Christmas setting and a plot that sounds similar in tone to It's a Wonderful Life (despite the fact it originally aired at the beginning of June), you might guess that this is not your average Twilight Zone episode.  You'd be right.  Changing of the Guard offers no dark and sinister twist and in fact ends up with one of the series' more charming finales.  (Note from The Mike: As the final episode of the series' third season, this truly did represent a "changing of the guard". Season 4 broke from the series' tradition, replacing the normal 30 minute format with 18 one hour long episodes.)

While the tone certainly doesn't match much of the series, I found it quite rewarding on a personal level.  Though I am not a teacher in the strictest sense of the word, my real world job also consists of trying to mold young minds for the better, and I could relate very well with Professor Fowler's lamentation that he has failed in his endeavors.  It becomes difficult to see the positive aspects of the day to day grind, especially when you only have a certain amount of time working with a young mind, and educators don't often get a chance to see whether or not their efforts have paid off.  

Yet Changing of the Guard works as a good reminder that even the smallest thing - even a memorable quotation - might be all it takes to change the course of a youngster's life.  Pleasence sells the message well in his own way, and his reactions to the apparitions before him do more than enough to make the episode feel authentic despite its cliche plot.  While we've certainly come to expect the macabre from this series, this episode is a nice change of pace that reminds us that there are people out there who are waiting to inspire us - and that a few of them even reside in The Twilight Zone.

FMWL Indie Spotlight - Kiss The Abyss

(2010, Dir. by Ken Winkler.)

Reanimation takes on a life of its own in Kiss the Abyss, a unique indie horror that's full of surprises.  By melding the things we learn from stories of Frankenstein, vampires, and zombies into one horror tale, the film provides an interesting bit of macabre that provides several neat turns.

Our story starts in the middle of things, as Mark (Scott Wilson) heads into the desert on a secret mission with what we soon learn are his father-in-law and brother-in-law.  As the film moves forward, it also works backward to reveal the events that put Mark on this journey, culminating in the death of his young wife Lesley (Nicole Moore).

As you can guess - especially if you can read the poster - death is only the beginning.  The group's desert destination is the home of something of a magic man, a cowboy named Gus (Douglas Bennett) who uses a couple of simple injections to bring Lesley back to life.  In the process, he makes sure to point out that he has no return policy.  The three men attempting to restore Lesley to her previous state should take this as a bad sign, but those blinded by love rarely see things clearly in this kind of situation. (Just ask that Victor Frankenstein fellow.)

Lesley awakes shortly after the treatment, but she quickly realizes that her life is no longer what it was.  She first begins to suspect something when she hears her husband and father arguing about whether or not they should tell her what happened, but things truly get interesting when she begins to notice changes in her behaviors and desires.  I won't go into details here, as much of the film's intrigue comes from watching her plight evolve, but it's safe for me to say that the Lesley that came back is not the same as the one Mark married.

While the monstrous hijinx are Kiss the Abyss' calling card, I found myself very impressed by the film's attention to the relationships between the characters.  Mark and Lesley are at the foreground of all the film's events, but their interactions with others - particularly the difficulty Mark has with his father-in-law - provide added depth to the proceedings.  Like other horror tales that grow from good intentions, we're shown two people who are interested in the preservation of Lesley, but the disconnect between them adds to the drama.  There are also some interesting twists involving Lesley's siblings that add to the film, and the actors work well within the script to represent the human drama of the story well.

The evolution of Lesley's character after the accident is handled very well, and the film uses practical special effects to highlight the changes in the character that drive us toward the film's bloody conclusion.  As the film returns to that desolate ranch - you had to assume that no return policy comment meant something, didn't you? - the film speeds up and offers a barrage of carnage that provides plenty of thrills.  The introduction of two more undead characters in the final act is a nice touch, as the shifting odds certainly add another dimension to the film's climax.

In the end, Kiss the Abyss resonates with me as a thoughtful piece of horror that is confidently made.  Director Ken Winkler and his crew have put together a well-made film that is a fantastic slice of modern day mad science, and the cast presents the story quite well.  The film still feels a bit hollow - most of the characterizations fit into roles we've seen in other films - but Kiss the Abyss still manages to be wildly entertaining and deceptively thought-provoking.  It's more fun than I've had with a new horror film in some time.

For more information on the film, check out the official website or like Kiss the Abyss on Facebook!  And many thanks to Ken for sending the film along so I can share it with the Midnight Warriors!

Midnight Movie of the Week #71 - I, Madman

I must admit that - in an unfortunate turn of events - I, The Mike, never learned how to read.  Or maybe I did know how at some point, I'm not really sure anymore, all I know is that now that I'm older and more hairy and less able to remember what happened this morning, I simply don't know how to do it.  Those books are so nice looking, and I'm sure there's plenty of things inside them that could prove helpful or even enlightening to me, but they just don't talk to me like movies do.  No, literally.  They don't talk.  Except those little kids books with the buttons.  Those are cool.

If there's a movie out there that helps validate my decision to not know how to read, it's Tibor Takacs' 1989 horror film I, Madman.  The film stars Jenny Wright - fresh off her romantic lead performance in Near Dark - as a young blonde woman who enjoys sitting around in a tank top and see-through panties and reading books when she's working at a quaint little book store.  As the story begins, we witness a scene from the book she's reading, a horror tale called Much of Madness, More of Sin, in which a genetically created "jackal boy" harasses folks in a seedy motel.  The book's terrors clearly have an impact on Wright's Virginia (such a literary name, I say); in fact, she's so scared by the book that she has to make a booty call.

After some passionate I'm-not-sure-what with her boyfriend (a detective played by '80s cool dude Clayton Rohner, who is awesome), Virginia shows up to work at her seemingly ginormous book store, which I really just wanted to walk around.  It's a fantastic set - even though I'm sure it was probably just a book store that they were able to film in - because the sky high shelves packed with old dusty books set a segmented view of the space that allows for plenty of ominous shadows and dark corners.  The multi-level book store - which includes an upper level with a ridiculously high (Gee, you gotta wonder if that's gonna come into play later on) ceiling.  Some shots of the dark hallways remind me of the kind of things we'd expect to see from John Carpenter in The Thing or Halloween, as the absence of movement in these cramped, dark spaces can be just as ominous as an attacking jackal boy.

Oh, we need a reason for the book store to be ominous, don't we?  Well, it seems that Virginia - entranced by Much of Madness, More of Sin, is trying her damnedest to seek out the author's second and last book, another horror tale entitled (you guessed it!) I, Madman.  Though she's unsuccessful in her early attempts to find the book, a copy mysteriously appears on her doorstep the next day, and now she's even more intrigued and afraid.

I, Madman - the book - follows a character named Dr. Kessler, who is murdering a string of victims and taking elements of their face to make his own.  I, Madman - the movie - shows us some of these scenes and then quickly blurs the lines of reality as killings begin to occur in Jenny's world that mimic the actions of the titular madman in the book.  Once haunted by her imaginings of what the book's death scenes look like, Virginia is now haunted by real visions of what is either Dr. Kessler or the book's author, Malcom Brand.  These visions draw increasingly close to Virginia, at times even threatening her, but it becomes clear to her as the plot moves on that her fate is entwined to the book - which is revealed to have been published as NON-FICTION!

As a film, I, Madman occasionally struggles to stay interesting with such a silly script, but the film is visually interesting - in a cheap, '80s horror way - on a consistent basis.  The scenes in which Dr. Kessler/Malcom Brand stalk victims are often darkly lit with billowing fog, and the 1950s setting of the book scenes are fantastically retro.  To be fair, I should say that the whole film (which is only available these days on a sadly pan-and-scan DVD) seems to have a retro filter over it at this stage in its life.  This makes the movie, much like the book it's named after, and odd little outlier that feels like it belongs in another dimension.  It's dated and silly - and it's certainly intentionally pulpy - but it certainly hooks the viewer.

In the same way, the book sinks its hooks into Virginia.  There's a fantastic scene in the middle of the film when Virginia - knowing the book's potential power - does her best to ignore the text by watching television.  But as she flips the annoying cable channels, her eyes continue to glance at the book - which seems to be inching its way out of her purse and crawling toward her.  This woman is completely incapable of escaping the nightmare she's unleashed upon herself, and simply because she's a bookworm.

I, on the other hand, am not - which is probably why they turned I, Madman into a movie.  Like The Gate (Takacs' more known and more accomplished horror film of the '80s), I, Madman is a visceral film that works on the level of nightmarish pulp.  It may not "make Stephen King read like Mother Goose" as Virginia claims, but it's a surprisingly unique horror tale that is certainly worth a few viewings - especially if you enjoy stop-mation monsters as much as I do.  If nothing else, it's a film that allows you to stare at Jenny Wright (or Clayton Rohner, if that's your thing) for 89 minutes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have the strong desire to wander around a dusty book store. Even if I don't know how to read.  That stuff's dangerous.

Random Horror Throwdown - Leviathan vs. Lifeforce

Up until this weekend, I could never tell the difference between these two movies.  I know that seems weird - especially if you've seen them - but allow me to make three points on the topic to explain myself.

1) They both start with L and have long one-word titles.
2) The DVD/VHS covers of each are similarly blue.
3) I hadn't seen either film.

I knew that someone told me one of these two movies was good, but I could not, under any circumstance, remember which.  And the more I researched, the more I found both movies getting some praise.  So, I did what any rational me would do - and watched them both.  Now, they get thrown into a throwdown!  (BTW, if you're too new to FMWL to remember the Random Horror Throwdown - click up in here (up in here) to go re-live its past glory!)

The Movies:


Leviathan (1989, Dir. by George P. Cosmatos.)
Starring: Peter Weller, Richard Crenna, Amanda Pays, Ernie Hudson.
IMDB Synopsis: Underwater deep-sea miners encounter a Soviet wreck and bring back a dangerous cargo to their base on the ocean floor with horrifying results... (Note from The Mike: Let's see.  Soviet wreck? Dangerous cargo?  You mean to tell me those two things might lead to horrifying results? I DON'T BELIEVE IT!)

Lifeforce (1985, Dir. by Tobe Hooper.)
Starring: Steve Railsback, Peter Firth, Mathilda May, Patrick Stewart.
IMDB Synopsis: A space shuttle mission investigating Halley's Comet brings back a malevolent race of space vampires who transform most of London's population into zombies. The only survivor of the expedition and British authorities attempt to capture a mysterious but beautiful alien woman who appears responsible.  (Note from The Mike: Space + vampires + zombies + alien woman.  Just so we're clear, THAT is how scattered Lifeforce is.  More on that later.

The Casts:
This is a topic of hot debate for me.  The leads couldn't be more different, with the monotonous and controlled Peter Weller (Robocop) headlining Leviathan as the unhinged and potentially psychotic Steve Railsback (The Stunt Man) leads Lifeforce.  Neither actor could possibly function in the opposite role, as the switch would kind of been like asking Isaac Hayes to do Diamonds are Forever while Shirley Bassey does the theme to Shaft.  (Read as: It just doesn't work.)  I'm certainly a bit more Weller, personally, but I do admire Railsback's manic style in the right setting - and this is the right setting for him.

If we're calling the leads a wash, I guess the next step is the ladies.  Lifeforce's Mathilda May racks up some points with her impressive physical presence, while Leviathan's Amanda Pays (who was also the attractive British lady in The Flash) is a fine example of a survivor girl who can hold her own.  I'm calling that a wash too.

Here's where the switch happens. Lifeforce's next most notable name is Patrick Stewart. I know Patrick Stewart is a big name to some, due to his Next Generation duties and his X-Men stuffiness - but I don't care that much about Patrick Stewart. I'm not a Trekkie or an X-kie. You know what I do care about? A freakin' Ghostbuster like Ernie Hudson.  Or Colonel Trautman like Richard Crenna.  Or that blond lady who hung out with Axel Foley.  Or Daniel Stern of C.H.U.D. fame.  Yeah, that's what I care about.  And Leviathan even throws in Hector Elizondo!  But none of that really matters....Ernie Hudson was the knockout punch for this category.  (1-0, Leviathan leads.)

The Directors:
Tobe Hooper and George P. Cosmatos both have made some fantastic films.  Cosmatos is one of the more underrated directors of the '80s, I think.  Sure, he did make Cobra - which might be held against him by some - but he also made Rambo: First Blood Part II, the underseen former Midnight Movie of the Week Of Unknown Origin (also starring Weller) and, eventually, Tombstone (though it took the rallying of the great Kurt Russell to get him aboard that film).

But, Hooper made The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and its first sequel, and is credited as the director of Poltergeist (no matter what anyone says!).  So he wins the point for Lifeforce. (1-1.)

(By the way, I've also got a soft spot for Hooper's remake of The Toolbox Murders, a deeply flawed slasher that survives thanks to Angela Bettis and a heaping helping of atmosphere. Just gotta throw that in here, proceed as usual.)

The Plots:
Leviathan borrows much of its spirit from classics like Alien and The Thing, which is not in any way a bad thing.  There were a slew of undersea genre flicks in 1989 - including the big budget The Abyss and the less popular Deep Star Six - and Leviathan's sense of underwater doom fits alongside some of my favorite sci-fi horrors.  That doesn't necessarily mean Leviathan is near as well-made as those films - its got some pretty severe pacing issues and stalls out at times - but the ideas behind the plot at least make me smile a bunch.

Lifeforce, on the other hand, is just kind of crazy and all over the place.  It's like Mario Bava's Planet of the Vampires had a three way with The Hidden and The Return of the Living Dead and traveled back in time to make Lifeforce.  Or maybe it's, just that Dan O'Bannon - who wrote The Return of the Living Dead - wrote Lifeforce.  You decide.  Either way, I'm going to give Lifeforce - which is truly a one of a kind sci-fi horror (just because it reminds me of other movies doesn't make it unoriginal) - a point for its ability to mix genre staples with a big 'ol pair of naked breasts that appear to be relevant to the plot.  (2-1, Lifeforce leads.)

My Experience with the Films:
Well, as I stated in my intro, my experience with these films is basically nonexistent.  I hadn't seen either until this weekend.

Am I more likely to show one of my friends one of these films than the other? I'm not sure.  Lifeforce is a unique bit of '80s awesome, to be sure, while Leviathan offers a more restrained bit of fun with some cool effects and a wonderfully silly ending.  I guess if I had to give a point here....I really don't know yet.  So, instead of making a choice, let's go to a LIGHTNING ROUND!!!!!!!!

THE LIGHTNING ROUND!

• Which film would benefit more from the use of Barbara Hershey? - I say Leviathan.  Heck, make her the Captain instead of Weller and I'd love that movie to death.
• Which film is most apocalyptic? - Easily Lifeforce.  Some of the late film shots of a ravaged London are kinda fantastic.
• Which film could be most easily remade into an entertaining modern fare? - Definitely Leviathan. It's simple in plot, the cast could be filled with rich modern character actors, and the effects could be improved upon.
• Which film probably could never be remade? - Lifeforce, as the talents of Railsback and May are pretty integral to the film's success.
• Which film doesn't leave me scratching my head and wondering if it's amazing or silly? - Leviathan.  It is what it shows you, while Lifeforce is all over the place.

This Choice is Like: 

You guys all know how much FMWL loves Barbara Hershey, right?  Well, it does.  She's basically FMWL's girlfriend (in an imaginary realm).  In the absence of clarity, and in a time when two films The Mike once couldn't tell apart are battling in their extraordinarily different ways to win his affection, The Mike often has to turn to irrational forms of decision making.

And if I think Leviathan fits the talents of Ms. Hershey the best - because I'd rather see her as a brave undersea mining captain who can be a strong and respected woman than a topless space vampire - then I gotta give the love to Leviathan this time around.  It's up my alley, and would be even more fun with some of that delicious Hershey-ness.  So let's throw a whopping TWO points at Leviathan! (3-2, Leviathan wins!)

Besides, how cute would it be to see Hershey and Amanda Pays having an undersea mining base slumber party?  Sorry Lifeforce, you lost today.  That doesn't mean you have to like it!

What say you, Midnight Warriors? I can't be the only one who's ever mixed up these movies, can I? And, perhaps more importantly, how many times in this post did I post the wrong title because I'm STILL getting them mixed up?  I'm totally not checking...

Thor

(2011, Dir. by Kenneth Branagh.)

You guys, I'm just gonna say it up front. I could watch this Thor movie for days.  It could have just kept going, and going, and going, and I'd have been like "We're up to 87 hours man? Eff it, just keep on goin' with it."  I'm a little surprised by this development, but I'm more than willing to give that surprise a big ol' hug and roll forth as a lover of Thor on film.

I've probably told y'all about my history as a comic book hero geek, but if I haven't, here's a recap.  I sooooooooo wish I had grown up a comic book geek.  I tried when I could by buying up six or seven comics that I kept re-reading, not to mention spending some of my time at the local library studying the origin of the Fantastic 4.  That quartet was my favorite of the heroes at the time (along with Iron Man, who had Iowa State Cyclone colors on his suit), but the thing is that I didn't really know the heroes, I just knew of the heroes.  I knew of Thor, but Hulk Hogan and the WWF were a little more shiny and required less reading, so little The Mike took that road instead.  It wasn't long before his Thor action figure was rebranded as a professional wrestler named Cool Daddy Lovin' by little The Mike's best friend and was engaged in a vicious plastic feud with Ravishing Rick Rude. (I wish I was making this up, but here's photographic proof.)

In his college years and beyond, as superhero movies became mainstream blockbusters, The Mike fought to reverse this curse that he had placed upon himself.  Being a Real American like the Hulkster certainly had inspired The Mike greatly, but the stories he kept hearing about these heroes as he moved back into comic hero land were a ton of fun when put on screen.  He soon was immersed in movies and video games about Marvel's heroes while studying Wikipedia pages to learn where these characters came from, but he still....STILL!....never gave much thought to Thor.  He was just the guy Vincent D'Onofrio played in Adventures in Babysitting. (I'm obliged to follow up any reference to Adventures in Babysitting by reminding you that NOBODY gets out of here without singin' the blues.)

Fast forward to 2011, when Thor finally makes his non-Elisabeth Shue film debut on the big screen.  Despite my new found love for all the comic heroes I skipped as a youngling, I just wasn't feeling Thor.  Maybe it was the Norse God stuff, or maybe it was just the fact that I didn't know crud about Thor except that he had a cool helmet and a hammer I couldn't pronounce.  But in the days before the film's premiere, I suddenly realized I needed to see Thor as soon as possible.  If I'm gonna be a whore for the rest of the Marvel hero films - I'll even defend Daredevil, yo! - I couldn't miss one.

If you don't know the background of Thor, Kenneth Branagh's film will give you plenty of chances to catch up.  The first act of the film spends plenty of time showing us the world of Asgard, where King Odin (Anthony Hopkins, hamming it up in his usual manner) and Queen Frigga (Rene Russo, who barely gets a chance to speak) rule in peace despite an ancient war with some Frost Giants.  We also learn about Odin's two sons, the warrior Thor and the manipulative Loki, one of whom shall soon be king.  While Thor - along with his band of friends including the female warrior Sif (Jamie Alexander) and a few other dudes (one of whom is played by former Punisher Ray Stevenson) - like to run off and start battles of their own, Loki is involved in more mischievous games.  In a convoluted turn of events, Thor's temper gets him banished to Earth, Odin falls into a coma-like sleep, and Loki is revealed to be a)the new king and b) kind of evil. Meanwhile, Thor bumbles about Earth under the identity of Dr. Donald Blake, having humorous adventures with a bunch of scientists and trying to find a way to reunite with his trusty hammer Mjolnir.

The Punisher - Now with Thor powers!

All of that sounds pretty silly, and it certainly is.  But the people behind Thor have found the keys to making such a fantastic story interesting to the masses, starting with a fantastic cast.  Chris Hemsworth - formerly a supporting piece in the Star Trek reboot and the criminally cool A Perfect Getaway - gives a star-making performance as the eponymous God, and is one of the few actors to come along in recent years who can appear both imposing and endearing at the same time.  His over-the-top antics - which include some extreme chivalry and the shouting of loud commands - provide for a lot of laughs throughout the film, most notably in a scene where he enters a pet shop looking for transportation.  At the same time, Hemsworth can still turn it up a notch and become the warrior hero who can dominate a scene, and I have to think his combination of size and talent will take him to great heights in Hollywood.

The supporting cast also shines.  Natalie Portman gets the most publicity as the Earth-bound scientist who is Thor's eventual love interest, but Stellan Skarsgard (whose son Alexander was most internet folks' pick to play Thor as casting was occuring) and Kat Dennings provide a lot of fun scenes as the other two-thirds of her team.  Tom Hiddleston is very serviceable as Loki (who promises to have an even bigger role in next summer's The Avengers), and Russo and Hopkins' presence is welcome - even if they are basically there to add to the name factor of the cast. I must also mention how happy I always am to see Clark Gregg show up as Agent Coulson, because he's both a fun actor and the guy who showed up in the final two episodes of Sports Night to save the day.  It tickles me pink to think about the fact that this guy is working with the Universe's greatest heroes AND the best cable sports show in the history of fake television. You go Clark Gregg!

La Forza del Destino....Clark Gregg is a true hero.

With three different "realms" containing the action and so many characters to introduce, it's very possible that Thor could have run for at least three hours under the supervision of Shakespeare-specialist Kenneth Branagh.  But the film makes its trips from one world to another quite easily, and I never found myself lost in the film's complex universe.  Branagh is known for long adaptations - like a 242 minute version of Hamlet - but this 114 minute version of Thor moves quite briskly while covering a lot of ground.  Like I said - I could have watched the story of this Thor go on for some time - but I think mainstream audiences will appreciate how easy it is to get caught up in this escapist origin story.

If I had to quibble a bit about Thor, I do feel like the final 20 minutes were handled a little foolishly.  We've got a main character who has been banished by his father - who takes away all his powers and strips him from his presumed glory - and is betrayed by his brother - who then convinces him his father is dead.  It's quite literally a tale in which the hero has had everything taken from him (Can you see why they'd give the story to a Shakespearean director now?), so when his primary motvation for revenge becomes his budding romance with the Earthly Natalie Portman who he met two days ago, I have to wonder if there aren't bigger issues the film could have tackled.  I know that every movie has to have romance in Hollywood, but there's really no reason the relationship between Thor and this Earth woman couldn't have remained platonic and led to a more epic reason for a final battle.

Still, I'm just nitpicking there, because I really enjoyed the heck out of Thor.  I'm almost sorry for allowing him to be rebranded as Cool Daddy Lovin' in my youth, even though CDL did hold multiple Plastic Wrestling Figures And Friends Federation Championships and went on to become our high school band's mascot on our trip to Disney World.  This has quickly become one of my favorites of the many Marvel adaptations of recent years, and it leaves me with a renewed faith that The Avengers should provide a lot of fun as it brings all these heroes - including one who makes a cameo in the middle of Thor and another who makes a returning cameo after the credits - together.  In the meantime, I'm sure I'll return to this Thor film as soon as possible, because it's a fantastic bit of entertainment that I want to experience again and again.

Mother's Boys - Not The Best Movie To Represent Mother's Day

(1994, Dir. by Yves Simoneau.)

Last year, FMWL celebrated Mother's Day the right way.  Actually, we honored The Mike's awesome Masha hardcore.  It's not that there aren't more awesome things I could say about my Masha, who's continued to be an awesome inspiration to me through another year of trials and tribulations and is one of the coolest people of ever to boot, but I decided to take a different route this Mother's Day.  (P.S. - Love ya Masha! And yes, I should.)

Meanwhile, we've got Mother's Boys. A few weeks ago I made fun of Mother's Boys during Scream Week, commenting that I didn't think there was a person out there who saw this mostly maligned thriller from the mid-'90s.  I was proved wrong by E from Shredded Cheddar, and thus decided that I needed to see Mother's Boys now. After all, it is a horror-ish movie starring Jamie Lee Curtis. If anyone out there has served as a cinematic mother to me by setting good examples of how to survive life's trials and tribulations, it's Jamie Lee Curtis.

That said, this is NOT - in any way - a situation where I should follow the lead of the usually trusted JLC.

Curtis stars as Jude, an absentee mother who returns from a hiatus and attempts to reconnect with her husband (American Beauty's Peter Gallagher) and, most importantly, her three young sons.  Much to her displeasure, Gallagher's Robert is now very much dating a younger woman who works at the kids' school (played by Joanne Whalley(-no-longer)-Kilmer, who was married to the awesome Val Kilmer at the time in the real!), and doesn't have much interest in this unhinged woman who has run out on him and the boys twice before.  Jude is not one to be dissuaded, and as she wanders around her classy apartment she devises her own ways to win over her children and her husband. (It should be noted that the couple's divorce had not been finalized due to Jude's absence, which sets up an interesting moral dilemma that the film toys with only briefly.)

Jude is certainly not the most interesting sociopath we've seen on screen, but Curtis does what she can to keep things fresh throughout the film. The film takes several sexual twists regarding her character, and as Jude walks around taking every opportunity to show off her chest it becomes increasingly evident that her sexuality is her primary weapon.  A couple of early scenes are interesting statements on human sexuality, as Jude - who isn't too appealing to the viewer and is seen as repulsive by her husband - tries to seduce Robert and is dangerously close to succeeding simply because she presses the issue so forcefully by touching or showing off the right places.  Robert's relationship with his estranged wife is kind of like when you grow up loving a McDonalds cheeseburger and then realize they're not good for you.  Despite all the things you know, when one gets put in your face you're probably going to bite. (If you didn't follow that analogy, yes, I mean a crazy JLC is like a McDonalds cheeseburger.)

(In contrast, it's interesting to me that Jude - who uses her body like a dog owner uses a Milkbone - consistently refers to Whalley's character as a whore, despite the fact that her relationship with Robert is scarcely shown in a sexual context. This may be the film's best way of showing how far gone from reality Jude really is.)

But it's not the marital relationship that is the film's crux, it's Jude's attempts to regain the trust of her children. The three young boys each have different feelings about their mother's return, and the interactions between them are interesting when they're not being dominated by the eldest son, Kes (What the heck kind of name is Kes? That seriously bugged me THE ENTIRE MOVIE.), who fits that "First Born = Mom's Favorite" cliche to a T.  Kes rubbed me the wrong way for the entirety of the film. While I think the intention of his mental changes was to make him the closest link to being "like his mother", I must admit I spent much of the film wanting to smack him upside the head and tell him to stop being so emo.  As the film goes on it becomes more and more centered on being Jude and Kes' story, and it also becomes more ridiculous each time the childrens' trusty handcuffs or a cut brake line become part of the story.

Going in to Mother's Boys with only a brief memory of an awful trailer from a VHS tape, I expected something far worse than what I got. French-Canadian director Yves Simoneau infuses the film with a lot of psychological intrigue at times - not to mention one really effective jump scare that put my hair on end - but the whole product resembles the lead character a bit too much. Like Jude, things go from a high point of real intrigue to a laughable point of over-the-top drama far too often as Mother's Boys makes its way toward the finish line. There are far better sleazy thrillers of this sort - The Good Son instantly comes to mind - to find; Mother's Boys will probably just stick in my mind as an intriguing miss that at least brought Curtis and Dimension Films together so they could later make two Halloween sequels.

Midnight Movie of the Week #70 - Abominable

Well, they can't all be John Carpenter's The Thing.

But before you walk away, wondering what I'm doing giving a Midnight Movie of the Week spot to a film that premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel (before its SyFy takeover!), I ask you to consider Abominable.  It's not high art by any means, but it's a surprisingly competent drive-in horror that is one of the more entertaining monster movies of recent memory. 

Matt McCoy, who was a minor star in the '90s after playing the male lead in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (a sleazy favorite of mine), stars as wheelchair bound Preston Rogers, who is spending the weekend at a cabin near the site of the accident that left him paralyzed.  He expected a secluded weekend away from everything except his jackwagon of a nurse - a creepily mustached fellow named Otis - but a group of young women preparing for a wedding soon show up at the cabin next door. Because, really, what's the point of having a secluded cabin if there's not another cabin next door?

These five girls - including potential survivor girl Haley Joel (a Harvard grad who I assume is no relation to Osment, I assume) and indie scream queen Tiffany Shepis - are ready to party, but they didn't expect the third party in this game of chance.  As McCoy's Preston witnesses what's going on outside his window, he becomes convinced that some kind of creature that is "kind of like the Abominable Snowman of the Himalayas" is on the prowl.  The girls start to disappear one at a time, and the immobile Preston appears to be their only chance at survival.

If the set up sounds a lot like Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window - which is totally The Mike's favorite movie ever - that's because it is.  While director Ryan Schifrin is no Master of Suspense, he paces Abominable well and definitely instills a strong vision upon the film.  This isn't a film that should be confused with the intentionally awkward cheap monster films that the SyFy network has become known for in recent years, it's a very professional b-movie that tells its story and finds ways to fit the hulking monster alongside its characters.

Abominable also gets a boost from some of the established talent involved.  Established actors that fill small parts in the film include Jeffrey Combs, Dee Wallace Stone, Paul Gleason, and Lance Henriksen, and each actor does more than just walk on screen to add a name to the cast.  A mid film scene where Henriksen, Combs, and Cliffhanger's Rex Linn discuss the strange goings on around a campfire is a welcome break from the cabin-based plot, and Gleason's small role as the speculative Sheriff is pleasantly reminiscent of his iconic role in The Breakfast Club.  Another notable talent involved in the film is composer Lalo Schifrin of Mission: Impossible fame, who is the director's father.  His musical score is nothing groundbreaking, but it effectively helps the film become more menacing than you'd expect at times.

Abominable certainly doesn't hit the b-movie high notes of something like Tremors - then again, what monster movie of the last twenty years has? - but it's a more interesting and well made monster film than you'd expect from the box cover.  From the opening scares to the final ridiculous reveal, Abominable is a lot of fun and a great throwback to Hitchcockian suspense and drive-in monster madness.  If you watch the film and try to mock it with friends, you might succeed.  But if you actually give Abominable a chance, you'll probably have just as much fun.

May the Fourth Be With You....

 ....with the Vader Sessions!  Because, seriously, there are two things on the internet funnier than the Vader Sessions.  (And I can't think of what they are.)  Enjoy!

Fast Five

(2011, Dir. by Justin Lin.)

Somehow, I've convinced myself that a big-budget car chase movie is in fact a "genre" film, and am thus - against my better judgment - going to offer you a review of Fast Five right now.  You've been warned.

I didn't really expect that I would want to write anything about this movie, which is obviously the fifth entry in a fast series of films about street racing and criminal activity.  Though I've been a shameless consumer of summer blockbusters for pretty much my entire life, this is a series that's always left me a little cold.  It all began in the summer of 2001, when then little-known thespians Paul Walker and Vin Diesel led a young, "hot" cast in Rob Cohen's sleeper summer hit The Fast and the Furious, which turned a budget of $38 million into a box office run of $144 million in the USA alone.  The film was one of that summer's biggest winners by default, capitalizing on the failures of films like Evolution, Swordfish, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and A.I. that were released in the same month. 

Diesel and Walker alternately took breaks from the series through the next two sequels - 2 Fast 2 Furious and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift - but reunited in 2009 for Fast & Furious, which makes the FATAL mistake of neglecting to honor the word THE.  A return to the formula of the first film led to a box office revival, despite an increase in wooden acting, and Fast Five was all of a sudden a good idea. 

If Fast & Furious was designed to bring back the feel of the first film, Fast Five is director Justin Lin's way of bringing back all the films and shoving everything down your throats.  Cast members from all four previous films head to Rio De Janeiro as Diesel's Dom Toretto and Walker's Brian O'Conner (who's still in a "we're so awkward together because we're terrible actors" relationship with Dom's sister, played by Jordana Brewster) form a team to get revenge on the villain from Desperado and evade a supercop played by none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.  I know that was a terribly long sentence, so let me shorten it for you: Fast Five is trying everything it can to win you over.

Much to my surprise, the plan to overwhelm the viewer works very well.  The film's plot is full of holes and leaps of faith, but the bank heist set up at least feels fresh compared to the other films in the series.  In fact, I'd say the film feels more like a sequel to the charming 2003 version of The Italian Job than the other films in this series.  The story spreads out the members of the team into typical roles - most noticeably Tyrese Gibson as the comic relief and Gal Gadot as the eye candy - but the excess of characters gives us a chance to escape from the tired cliches that come from the scenes involving Diesel, Walker, and Brewster.

The most welcome change to the film is certainly Johnson, who appears to be enjoying himself as he uses his in-ring promo abilities to posture his way through his role as the no-nonsense agent sent to hunt down Toretto and O'Conner.  Like his "sports entertainment" character, The Rock is imposing one minute and cracks wise the next, cementing himself as a physical opponent to Diesel and a....well, he doesn't really compare to Walker, because Walker literally brings nothing to the table but horrible acting.

Fast Five keeps the pedal down for over two hours, straight through a mid-credits teaser for Fast Six that features one and a half more cameos to add to the ten returning characters from the first four films.  Though it derives so much from its predecessors, it never gives us time to stop and think about what we're watching.  I went into the film wondering why all car movies couldn't be as poetic as Vanishing Point, but it wasn't long before thinking was no longer an option. 

Fans of the other Furious films will certainly get a kick out of number Five, but I'm surprised to admit that it's fast enough for me.  This is a truly mindless summer action film that offers plenty of high-speed fun, and I'm not above turning my mind off at the door.