Midnight Top Five - The "80s Horror Sequels That Don't Suck" Edition

If you've been following my countdown of my favorite horror films of the 1980s - and if you're not, you like totally should click here - you might have noticed that a triad of sequels have made that list so far.  And, with only ten films left to make the list, I will also tell you that (SPOILER ALERT!) no more sequels will make the list.  What does that mean to you?  Well, it means that I need to take an opportunity to talk about some sequels that aren't necessarily great, yet still inspire me to make this Keanu face.

In fact, some might say that the '80s have sequels like WHOA. 

(I have no idea what that means, I heard it on the pop radio station.  So it's cool, right?)

Anyway, let's do this....

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

(1988, Dir. by Dwight H. Little.)

What it is: Though it carries a 4 in its title, Halloween 4 is the "Return" of Michael Myers in more ways than one.  Considering that Halloween II picked up at the conclusion of Halloween, and considering that Halloween III has nothing to do with Myers (well, I guess it does feature scenes from Halloween) Halloween 4 is actually the masked boogeyman's first return to Haddonfield. (Did you follow all of that?) The first film in the series which John Carpenter was not involved in - he wrote a story for the film that was primarily about the psychological effects Michael had on Haddonfield that was rejected - introduces Myers' niece Jamie - played by Danielle Harris - and puts the six-year old in Michael's crosshairs.  Oh, and it has this awesome scene with Hobo Jack.

What it is compared to Halloween: Not much, really.  The atmosphere of Carpenter's original is long gone, but this version does offer a few chills, particularly in a scene where Michael Myers seems to multiply and surround our heroines.  But the whole product is just a bit clunky, and the side characters certainly aren't as interesting as the ones in the '78 masterpiece.

What it is compared to the other Halloween sequels: Certainly my favorite of the bunch.  It's not as kill happy and uncharacteristically Michael as II, it doesn't have Tina effing Williams like 5, and it doesn't have the Dimension Films logo that brought crap in parts 6-8.  In fact, I feel safe saying that Halloween 4 is one of the very best horror sequels of the decade.  (Even if Michael wears hockey pads in it.)

Phantasm II

(1988, Dir. by Don Coscarelli.)

What it is: Y'know, I'm not sure if I've ever written about the Phantasm movies here.  That might be because I've only seen the first two (of four) films, or it might be because THEY DON'T REALLY MAKE ANY KIND OF SENSE AND THEY MAKE MY BRAIN CRAZY.  Despite that, I....well, I kind of like what I've seen in them.  This one - released 9 years after its predecessor - brings back Angus Scrimm as the incredible Tall Man and Reggie Bannister (now with a double barrelled shotgun), but adds a young James Le Gros and one of my young teenage crushes, Samantha Phillips.  Oh, and it doesn't make any sense either.  But it's cool doing it.

What it is compared to Phantasm: Both films don't make any sense (have I mentioned that they don't make sense yet?), and both films are cool doing it (I think I said that already too!), but Phantasm has some truly creepy moments and one of the coolest musical scores in horror film history.  It's a movie I will randomly recommend to anyone - even though I know it makes no sense.  Phantasm II is probably only for Phantasmphiles.

What it is compared to the other Phantasm sequels: How the heck do I know?  So, take this opportunity to look at that DVD cover above....tell me what that means, please.  WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I DON'T KNOW! THESE MOVIES MAKE SO LITTLE SENSE THAT I'M SHOUTING!!!!!!

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter/Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning/Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI

(1984-1986, Dir. by Joseph Zito/Danny Steinmann/Tom McLoughlin

What it is: The Tommy Jarvis trilogy!  After wrapping up the Mommy/Jason/Mask events of the first three films (which is really all you need to know about those three films), The Final Chapter does the exact opposite of its title by starting an unintentional trilogy that takes the series to new heights.  First, young Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman) uses his makeup skills to best Jason, then crazy Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd) survives a new beginning, then heroic Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) goes all Blobby in part VI.  (Read last week's MMOTW post for more on that - Thanks Enbrethiliel!)  Oh, and Jason kills a lot of people, including the mystical "Banana Girl" and at least a few topless lasses.

What it is compared to Friday the 13th: There are days when I want to like Friday the 13th, and there are days when it makes me angry like The Incredible Hulk.  And I can't help thinking that, if the original film was more like these three films - I might not have that anger.

What it is compared to the other Friday the 13th sequels: For pure laughs, I think Jason X is probably my favorite film in the fabled slasher series.  But if I'm actually getting down to slasher basics and picking ones I really do like - The Tommy Jarvis Trilogy is probably where I'd start.  In fact, if the rest of series didn't exist and it was just the TJ trilogy - I might say I really like Friday the 13th movies!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

(1986, Dir. by Tobe Hooper.)

What it is: I've already written on this one as a Midnight Movie of the Week, but it bears repeating that I kind of love it.  Hooper's sequel to his own grindhouse masterpiece - you know, it's the movie that's on the marquee when Travis Bickle talks about how filthy his city is - brings back Leatherface and his family while involving a radio hostess (Caroline Williams, who screams brilliantly) and a kinda crazy Texas Ranger (Dennis Hopper, who actually gives a super crazy performance) to the mix. 

What it is compared to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: Again, not much.  The original film is one of the few horror films that can completely turn the viewer's world upside down, and that animalistic rage just can't be reproduced.  Good show, Mr. Hooper, but it's not quite amazing.

What it is compared to the other TCM sequels: This is an easy one.  The series' third installment features some good moments and a young Viggo Mortensen, but falls flat quick.  The fourth film, subtitled "The Next Generation" features a young Matthew McConaughey and a young Renee Zelleweger - and is certainly one of my least favorite films ever made. (Random story - a couple of years ago, on the Fourth of July, my ten year old cousin came to me excited because he had DVR'd The Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night and wanted to watch it with me.  Trouble was, the movie he recorded was said fourth film.   I watched it with him anyway....bad horror with a ten year old is still horror with a ten year old!  Thankfully, he was not impressed by the film either.) So, while TCM2 isn't as great as its predecessor, it's definitely the only other TCM film I regularly want to see again.

The Return of Swamp Thing

(1989, Dir. by Jim Wynorski.)

What it is: To me, this is like the '80s equivalent of The Blob.  OK, maybe I'm slightly exaggerating, but this was one of the movies that definitely shaped my life as a fan of cheesy cinema.  Wynorski - who was most known for creating films filled with T&A and no stories - surprisingly delivers a PG-13 Swamp Thing tale that - when you disregard the part where Swamp Thing turns into a buff dude and gets erotic with Heather Locklear - feels like a comic book movie for kids.  Oh, and dude gets to spend his time in a forest with Heather Locklear.  Wayne and Garth would call that EXCELLENT!

What it is compared to Swamp Thing: As much as I love Adrienne Barbeau and Ray Wise, Wes Craven's original Swamp Thing has never surpassed the cheesy sequel that I saw first.  While it might not be as charming and silly as the likes of Killer Klowns from Outer Space or the remake of The Blob, this is definitely one of the best examples of '80s monster cheese out there.

And, since there are no other Swamp Thing sequels to discuss....I got nothing left.  So here's Phantasm II's Samantha Phillips, who I love almost as much as Heather.  Be well, Midnight Warriors!

Wolfen

(1981, Dir. by Michael Wadleigh.)

First things first - I soooo want that movie poster.  From the ominous taglines to the creepy eye to the bloody title font, it's 100% amazing. 

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about Wolfen the movie.  It seems like I've known about Wolfen all my life, but I only just saw it for the first time this week.  There was a time, years ago, when I was totally excited to see Wolfen - I mean, it was alleged to be a werewolf movie from the '80s starring Albert Finney! - but a chorus of folks who had seen it all told me not to bother because the film was boring and stupid and too long and such.  Now, I've never been one to listen to people when they're clearly drinking Hater-ade, but for some reason I took their bait and avoided Wolfen.  But I knew that, someday, I would have to see for myself - because Wolfen certainly is a film that seems to good to be true on paper.

Finney, whom I've always loved and who makes me cry like a baby in Big Fish (soooo not ashamed), stars as a mentally unstable detective, and is joined on the cast list by a "who's who" of cool folks.  Heat co-star Diane Venora plays his partner/romantic interest, a young Gregory Hines also is featured as an inquisitive medical examiner, and an even younger Edward James Olmos gives a primally charged performance as a young Native American man who is involved in the plot's twists.  As if that's not enough, Tom Noonan (one of my favorite dudes ever!) has a key role and James "Mr. Strickland from Back to the Future" Tolkan and Reginald "I ate twinkies with Bruce and cheese with Urkel!" Vel Johnson show up in bit parts.  As you can see, Wolfen features one of the coolest casts ever put in a horror film.

Oh, and it has a plot too.  Said plot involves the murder of a political heavyweight who - along with his bodyguard and his lady friend - appears to have been mauled by a vicious animal.  Finney, Venora, and Hines are on the case, and Finney's Dewey Wilson quickly becomes wrapped up in the case.  It's a lot like that famous Sherlock Holmes quote about "eliminating the impossible", except that Dewey recognizes that what has happened and the things he learns along the way certainly come from the list of things he once deemed impossible.  The character becomes very interesting as the film dives into philosophical discussions and supernatural spiritual diatribes, and the early section of the film does a good job of creating a fog of intrigue around the mystery at hand.  Olmos also chews up scenery, sporting a look that feels like it came right out of The Warriors while spouting out cryptic ramblings about the hunters and the hunted.

It's when the mystery becomes more - or maybe it's less? - clear that I started to lose interest in Wolfen.  Look, I'm all for horror movies taking a "road less taken" and coming up with their own unique story, but Wolfen - well, I'll just say that Wolfen takes a really radical turn about an hour into the film; a turn that took me out of the film a bit.  Perhaps it was confusion over the film's incredibly abstract revelations, or perhaps it was confusion over Olmos dancing around with his little Edward James flopping in the camera's face, or perhaps it was something else.  Did I want a traditional story from Wolfen? I don't think I did, but I can't help feeling a little bit cheated by how drastically non-traditional the story turns.  I can't tell you what the film settles on, of course, but you can be assured that it is a) not a werewolf story and b) not like many things you've ever seen before.  And when mixed with some poor pacing - this film certainly is too long - and some dated special effects that would work better six years later in Predator, Wolfen loses a lot of the momentum it built up in its first hour.

In the end, I still found myself digging Wolfen despite being put off by some of the plot's turns.  Writer/director Michael Wadleigh - who was most famous for documenting Woodstock for Warner Brothers - keeps the film kind of poetic throughout, and I found myself more interested in what comes next than I was annoyed by the special effects or confused by the spirit animal talk.  I'm not left thinking that this is something I should have gone out of my way to see, but I am glad I finally gave it a spin.  And there's even a part of me that kind of wants to give Wolfen another go, just to see if it makes more sense to me now that I know where the plot is going. 

So basically, you need to see Wolfen to see if it's for you.  (It is on YouTube, apparently!) And maybe you need to see it twice.  Dammit Albert Finney, couldn't you have just dealt with normal werewolves?  This got weird.

The Mike's 31 Favorite 1980s Horror Films: No. 15 - 11

After a week away - and some jaw-droppingly cool stuff from five fantastic souls - The Mike is here and excited to be back with you all!  Let's kick it!

A wise prophet of the '80s once said something to the extent of "Whoooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, we're half way there" - and that currently applies to our countdown of my 31 Favorite '80s Horrors.  So, with fifteen films left, we're getting to the point where the decisions become more difficult and the omissions become more glaring.  Are you ready, or do I need to post another DMC jam?

Previously on The Mike's 31 Favorite 1980s Horror Films....
#31-#26     #25-#21     #20-#16

15. The Changeling
(1980, Dir. by Peter Medak.)

We throw "they just don't make 'em like this any more" around a lot these days - it's a statement that's true of most films on this list - but The Changeling is one of the first films that comes to mind when I think about the changes in horror over the last three decades.  It's one of the last slow-burn haunted house films, complete with creepy seance and legitimate actors in the lead, and I simply don't see any thing these days that matches it. (How sad is it that the likes of George C. Scott could fill their late career with stuff like this while the likes of Robert De Niro wallow in crap like Hide and Seek?)  Oh, and there's a scene in the middle of this film that is among the creepiest things I've ever seen, and that's worth a ton of points.

14. Creepshow
(1982, Dir. by George A. Romero.)

We're officially at the point in the list where I start hitting myself in the head and shouting "How the eff do you rank THAT so low on the list!"  I mean, Creepshow is kind of brilliant.  It's got everything from The Crate and Hal Holbrook (my personal favorite segment) to killer bugs to Jordy Verrill to Ed Harris dancing - and I haven't even mentioned Tom Atkins or the Leslie Nielsen/Ted Danson segment yet.   Man, Creepshow is anthology perfection at its best.  And yet it's only 14th, and that makes me crazy.

13. Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn
(1987, Dir. by Sam Raimi.)

When I wrote about ED2 a while back, I lamented the changing perception of the movie I've had over the last decade.  I mean, I do love it...but for some reason it keeps slipping down my list of favorites.  13 seems ridiculously low here, but I find that the movies I'm ranking above it just speak to me a little more often.  It's not you, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell, it's me.  I promise I'll make it up to ya!

12. Something Wicked This Way Comes
(1983, Dir. by Jack Clayton.)

And now I'm at the point where I think I may be over-rating this one, but I just can't help loving it.  A fine example of how PG horror can work, as The Innocents director Jack Clayton takes Ray Bradbury's story and turns it into a wicked chiller that's appropriate for young-uns but can still send shivers up my spine.  And that cast! Jason Robards, Jonathan Pryce, Pam Grier, good child actors!  It makes my heart skip a beat.  If there's one film on this list that I'd recommend to anyone and everyone, this might just be it.

11. The Lost Boys
(1987, Dir. by Joel Schumacher.)

I KNOW.  This is ridiculous.  I can't believe The Lost Boys isn't even in my Top 10.  I tried so hard, but numbers 9-11 were completely the most difficult decisions I had when finishing this list, and well...it just slipped.  I still totally love it, and could watch it every day.  But...it just missed the Top 10.  I'm so mad at me right now. :(

In fact, I don't even have factoids to add at this point.  Putting these films so low is too sad.  Here's something to cheer me up....

Much better.  The Top 10 is coming soon!

Horror is everywhere (3) - '80s Horror Month Edition (Guest Post by Andreas of Pussy Goes Grrr)

(Note from The Mike: Our last guest host this week is Andreas, an excellent young film fan who covers all genres - and does so quite well - over at Pussy Goes Grrr. Andreas decided to use '80s Horror Month as a chance to continue his "Horror is everywhere" series from his site, and I'm excited to have him on board.  Check out his thoughts below, and head on over for more from Andreas!)

Last October, I wrote a couple of posts over at Pussy Goes Grrr about how "horror is everywhere." As I'm sure you Midnight Warriors know, some "serious" cinephiles look askance at horror, as if it's the ugly cousin of the movie world. These so-called film lovers will embrace Luis Buñuel or Michael Haneke, then act like slasher movies are beneath them.

Well, we know better. Those great, depressing art films and those great, disturbing horror films share common DNA that goes beyond artificial barriers of genre or high vs. low culture. Art and horror filmmakers have bounced off one another throughout history, building on each other's ideas and techniques. They engage the same themes: fear, mortality, the problem of evil.

To prove my point (and stay relevant to 1980s Horror Month), here are five highly respected, acclaimed classics of the '80s that aren't exactly horror movies per se, but aren't nearly as far removed from Friday the 13th or The Fly as some authorities would have you believe...

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Steven Spielberg is no stranger to the horror genre. The guy made Duel and Jaws, for chrissakes. But even when he journeys into prestige territory, whether with a sobering period piece like Schindler's List or with crowd-pleasing schmaltz like E.T., he brings that scary background with him. Raiders may be a nostalgic, imperialist adventure yarn, but that doesn't mean it lacks for horror. Yes, we've got Indy's "Why'd it have to be snakes" moment, but how about that gross-out climax? Those melting Nazis are a straight shot of splattery goodness. Tom Savini would be proud.

The King of Comedy (1983)

Although it's ostensibly a black comedy, watching The King of Comedy was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had with a movie. Robert De Niro's Rupert Pupkin is so painfully awkward and maladjusted that it's difficult to even watch him cross the screen. Furthermore, the film is basically Fatal Attraction if you replaced Glenn Close with Sandra Bernhard. You'd be hard-pressed to find a pair of stalkers more delusional and obsessive than this not-quite-horror film's main characters, as they track, kidnap, and fawn over a big-shot TV host played by Jerry Lewis.

Blood Simple (1984)

Horror really is everywhere in the Coen Brothers filmography, from their friendship with Sam Raimi to the recurrence of horror motifs in everything from Barton Fink to No Country for Old Men. Their debut feature Blood Simple is, on the surface, a James M. Cain-influenced neo-noir set amidst the boiling Texas heat. But after one double-cross leads to another, bodies start piling up, and we reach a grisly conclusion in which sleazy private eye Loren Visser (M. Emmet Walsh) gets his hand nailed to a window sill with a knife. It's nightmarish imagery worthy of the best '80s horror—from two guys who, by now, have a Palme d'Or and a Best Director Oscar under their belts.

Ran (1985)

Shakespeare's King Lear is already a pretty bloody play, but Kurosawa decided to amp up the violence and apocalyptic gloom for his film adaptation. Ran's post-battle sequences frequently look like the aftermath of a joint Freddy/Jason killing spree, with blood splattered like paint across one splayed-out corpse after another. The film has its own monster in the form of Lady Kaede, an icy puppetmaster who gets all of her family's enemies to engineer their own gruesome destructions. Few films of the 1980s are as expressionistically nihilistic or as full of pointless death as Ran.

Blue Velvet (1986)

David Lynch is typically pegged as a surrealist filmmaker, translating dark dreams into weird, confusing art. But let's face it: he makes horror movies. From Eraserhead's how-did-he-do-it monster baby to Mulholland Drive's Man Behind the Dumpster, he's forged some of the ickiest, most horrific movie moments this side of Cronenberg (the other creepy David). His Blue Velvet is one of the best and scariest movies of the '80s, and stars Dennis Hopper as a foul-mouthed gangster so unapologetically sadistic he'd make Pinhead blanch. Between scenes of fellatio at knifepoint, Blue Velvet even manages to pervert the legacies of Bobby Vinton and Roy Orbison. That is horror.

Midnight Movie of the Week #76 - Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI (Guest Post by Enbrethliel of Shredded Cheddar)

(Note from The Mike: When I realized that I was going to have to leave FMWL alone for my vacation, I couldn't think of many people who would be as qualified to keep the midnight spirit alive as Enbrethliel of Shredded Cheddar.  E has long been one of the site's most dedicated readers - even though her specialty is books - and I'm stoked that she's joined us to offer up this week's Midnight Movie of the Week.  Read on to find out why she fits FMWL perfectly (HINT: THE BLOB!), and don't forget to head over to her site and check it out!)

You know that scene in The Blob (1958) when Steve McQueen’s character is trying to convince the police that a monster that has already killed one person is on the loose—and the police can’t take him seriously because when they ask him to describe it, he says it’s a “kind of like a mass that keeps getting bigger and bigger”? He already has a few pranks on his record and this story hardly sounds plausible, so they hesitate to believe him. The trouble is that he’s telling the truth.

Few other characters in horror can relate to that scenario as well as Tommy Jarvis can. When he goes running to the police at the beginning of this sixth Friday the 13th installment, to warn them that Jason Voorhees has risen from his grave and has just begun another killing spree, they not only refuse to believe him but also lock him in a cell until they can escort him out of town. They know of his personal history with Jason and the fact that he has been in institutions or halfway houses ever since; and it’s just reasonable to dismiss his crazy tale of a midnight resurrection. Like Steve before him, Tommy has no choice but to take matters into his own hands.

Thom Mathews is the third actor in a row to portray Tommy Jarvis, and he actually gives the original Tommy, a young Corey Feldman, a run for his money. Feldman was perfect as the weird little brother in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter whose unexpected insight into Jason’s psyche helps him save his sister but nearly lose his own mind. John Shepherd took over in A New Beginning, in which Tommy is supposed to be spiraling into full-blown psychosis, but never matched Feldman’s original intensity. (In all fairness, it was a very high bar.) What Mathews inherits here is a character with a back story nearly as complex as that of Jason Voorhees—and he wastes no time making the role his own. His Tommy Jarvis is a man of action: he doesn’t wait for catharsis to come to him; he drives all night to where it is buried and digs it up.

How it plays out involves equal parts courage, carnage and comedy of errors.

The tragicomic fact is that Jason would have rotted in peace for the rest of eternity if Tommy hadn’t gone to that graveyard in the middle of a storm, and then, deviating from his own plan to burn the corpse, given in to a mad impulse to stab it repeatedly with an iron fence post. That lightning happens to strike that one post out of all the others in the graveyard may be considered a freak accident, and that the electric shock completely revives a man who has been dead for years may be considered some supernaturally bad luck . . . but Tommy remains the main agent of Jason’s resurrection. The irony is that if he had got the police to believe his story, they would have been even more justified in locking him up for the part he has played!

Luckily for Tommy, however, there is someone who thinks he’s too cute to be crazy. Every teenage boy trying to save a skeptical town should be so lucky. That she is also the sheriff’s daughter is a nod to another old trope: the second parallel to The Blob, in which prankster Steve wins the trust of the high school principal’s daughter, and a cute twist that turns Jason Lives into a decent date movie. Jennifer Cooke plays the perky and exasperating Megan Garris and has great chemistry with Mathews.

Clearly, this Friday the 13th movie has a completely different dynamic from all those that have gone before. Yes, we still get our thrills and our kills: the body count is impressive without seeming excessive, and the new, supernaturally strong Jason makes the perfect dressing for this serving of Slasher salad. What we no longer have is passive waiting while the bodies pile up and the remaining survivors figure out what is going on. This time around, we get a hero as well as villain—someone else with a sense of purpose beyond self-preservation . . . someone who gives new meaning to getting the Final Girl in the end.

Lost Boys Love (Guest Post by Marvin the Macabre of The Montana Mancave Massacre)

(Note from The Mike: Please give a hearty FMWL welcome to Marvin the Macabre of The Montana Mancave Massacre (BTW, I'm seriously in love with his blog title) who is today's guest host at FMWL.  Marvin's a horror fan who I can tell is cut from the same cloth as I, and I'm stoked that he's offered to help out at FMWL this week.  Read below for his passionate take on a true classic that he loves, and don't forget to head over to his Mancave for a monstrous multitude of posts dripping with mischievous madness!)

Most movies are just movies. You buy a ticket, pop in a disc, or fire it up on Netflix and have something to do for the next 90 minutes. You love it, you hate it, or you fall asleep to it, but at the end of the day it’s just a movie.

Then there are your favorites—the films you watch over and over, that become part of your everyday vocabulary. You might throw a quote from The Big Lebowski into a casual conversation just to see if someone will give you the correct response, identifying themselves as a kindred spirit. Lifelong friendships are founded on shared favorite movies. We define ourselves by our favorites, and advertise our tribal affiliations with t-shirts, bumper stickers, and tattoos etched into our flesh. These are the movies that matter to us, but usually they’re still just movies.

But sometimes a movie becomes more than just a movie. Sometimes a film changes your consciousness, weaves itself into the very fabric of your being. Usually we encounter these films in our youth, when we are still malleable and unjaded. They aren’t necessarily great films, or even good ones, but something about them fully captures our imagination and never lets go. Movies like these become integral to the narratives of who we are, and our life stories cannot be understood except within the context of these stories.

All of which is to say that I freakin’ LOVE The Lost Boys. It has long-since ceased to be a movie to me. It is my soulmate. It is where I want to go when I die. It is the substance and meaning of life itself.

So, as you can see, there’s no way I could review The Lost Boys as a movie. I mean, who could review the substance and meaning of life itself? Rather, this post is more akin to a love letter, or a psalm.

But since El Miguel has invited us here specifically to discuss films of the 1980’s, I’ll try as best I can to wipe the drool off my chin and examine it in that context. As timeless as it may seem to me, when I step outside myself, I can see how The Lost Boys is most certainly an artifact from another era.

Max: “Wild kids.”

Lucy: “Oh, they’re just young. We were that age too once. But they dress better.”

I sometimes wonder how hilarious that line sounds to a new generation. A teenager today (or one from ten years ago, honestly) might bust out laughing at the display of mullets, butt-rock locks, and loud, schizophrenic patches sewn onto black leather jackets. But that’s just it: I can only wonder how hilarious it sounds, because to me, the vampires of the Lost Boys are the very definition of cool.

It helps, of course, that I first experienced this movie at the tender age of twelve. My sister was three years older and in love with horror movies. I, on the other hand, had been traumatized by early exposure to The Exorcist, and was literally afraid of the bookshelf where she kept her Steven King novels. My sister had seen The Lost Boys at the theater, and rented the video as soon as it came out. For whatever reason, rather than retreat to the basement to watch it, she wanted the whole family to watch with her. I adamantly protested. “It’s not even scary,” she countered, “It’s mostly just really cool.” My parents were like, “Whatever,” so she popped in the tape and changed my life forever.

From the first scene on the carousel, I was mesmerized. I loved the seedy atmosphere of the carnival; the colors, all tinged with a reddish light; the strange, exotic style of the carnival-goers so different from anyone you’d see in Montana. And yes, I loved the mullets, the butt-rock locks, and the schizophrenic leather jackets. No one can rock a mullet like Kiefer Sutherland.

And it wasn’t scary, not really. I was completely blown away by the gore of the Surf Nazi slaughter, but not frightened. The vamped-out Lost Boys with their inhuman eyes and blood-smeared faces looked vicious as Hell, but I wasn’t scared. It was a rush, one that I would soon be utterly addicted to.

The next day, I hooked up our VHS camcorder up to the VCR and made a bootleg copy of the film. For a 4 or 5 month period, I watched it 2 to 3 times a week. If I didn’t have time to watch the whole thing, I would fast forward to the Surf Nazi slaughter and watch until the end. I showed it to all of my friends. We were still young enough to indulge in a little imaginative play, so we’d make our own arsenal of wooden stakes and holy water pistols and play vampire hunters. To this day, I can watch The Lost Boys at any time, no matter what mood I’m in, and just get completely lost in that world. There is nothing I don’t like about this film.

The Lost Boys is the ultimate teenage fantasy. You move to a new town to find it has a permanent carnival on the beach where there are rock concerts every night and the streets are teeming with young people at an endless party. You meet a hot girl who introduces you to a gang of super-cool, leather-clad bikers whose clubhouse is a luxury hotel that sank underground during an earthquake. Then, to top it off, you get the opportunity to fly, to stay eternally young and hot, and to rip the mohawked scalps off of surf punks with your teeth. Sign me the Hell up!

As cool as the vampires are, our hero is in every way their equal. It is utterly beyond my comprehension that Jason Patric isn’t a bigger star: he consistently gives fantastic performances, he’s intensely good-looking, and he’s a world-class brooder. He’s also my one true man-crush, proving my suspicions that Joel Schumacher made the film as a gay recruitment tool.

Speaking of which, I love that Corey Haim’s character, Sam, is so obviously gay. It’s never mentioned, but all the clues are there, from the poster in his room of a provocatively-posed Rob Lowe, to his flamboyant fashion sense (and “Born to Shop” T-shirt). I’ll admit that back in the day, I didn’t pick up on it. In the eighties you didn’t make one of your main protagonists gay. It just wasn’t done. So you could say that The Lost Boys was ahead of its time in this respect. It also makes for an amusing counterweight to the hyper-masculine, all-American Frog Brothers, who make their only kill while Marco is asleep. Meanwhile, Sam is the one who goes all Rambo, delivering “death by stereo” to Dwayne* via bow and arrow.

*Dwayne’s name is never mentioned in the film and I only knew it because I read my sister’s copy of the novelization. I wish I’d kept that.

While the joy of watching the Lost Boys in adulthood is in re-experiencing the feeling of youthful exuberance, I think my favorite character is Grandpa, an eccentric old lawyer-turned-hippie taxidermist who delivers the single greatest punchline ending to any film ever: “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach: all the damned vampires.”

How can you tell when you’re truly in love with a movie? When you write 1,300 words about it and realize you haven’t scratched the surface of everything you wanted to say. So to wrap this up: I credit The Lost Boys with beginning my lifelong love of horror movies. It helped me face my fears and to see the beauty in the dark side of life. And in junior high, it inspired me to grow a mullet of my very own. Like I said, no one can rock a mullet like Kiefer Sutherland. Particularly not me.

(Note from The Mike: 1) I totally agree that the punchline from Grandpa is the coolest thing ever. 2) One of the rules of FMWL, akin to "Nobody Gets Outta Here Without Singin' The Blues" in Adventures in Babysitting, is that any mention of The Lost Boys requires Tim Capello, AKA THE SAXOPHONE GUY FROM THE LOST BOYS!  So, here he is.  Thanks much Marvin!)

The Ballad of a Witchboard Survivor (Guest Post by Dod of The WGON Helicopter)

(Note from The Mike: Today's guest at FMWL is none other than the very cool Dod of The WGON Helicopter.  Dod is a....well, we'll just say he's a veteran in '80s horror fan terms, and he's hear to relay one of his favorite experiences as he fought to survive the '80s!  Enjoy his piece below, and don't forget to head over and check out his site for more fantastic commentary on horror flicks!  Thanks for joining us, Dod!)

 When the call went out for horror bloggers to write a little something about horror in the 80's, I had to snap to attention.  I not only lived in the 80's, but I partied my way through a majority of those years.  Horror movies played a big role in my entertainment menu, and one film in particular somehow found its way into our VCR time and time again.  It was a film that consisted of one part delicious cheese and several parts pure, unadulterated 80's.  I'm speaking, of course, of 1986's Witchboard.

Written and directed by Kevin Tenney, Witchboard wasn't just produced in that heady decade.  It damn near symbolized the decade.  I can still remember it clearly - well, as clearly as I could.  February, 1988:  After a night of Busch Light and Pisanello's Pizza, wandering into one of the many local video stores in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, looking for something to watch.  Three Men And A Baby?  No, too cutesy.  Gymkata?  No, too awesome.  Hardly Working with Jerry Lewis?  By all that is holy, no.  Witchboard?  Well, why not for at least the fourth time.  Besides one of the guys on our dorm room floor hadn't seen it yet, so there you go.  Piling back into my roommate's old K-Car - I am not making this up - we ventured back for some good ol' Oujia-themed goodness.

If you haven't seen it, Witchboard is the story of Jim and Linda (Todd Allen and Tawny Kitaen), a young couple in love but not without a few issues.  A love triangle of sorts exists as Linda's snobby ex-boyfriend and Jim's ex-best friend Brandon (Stephen Nichols) still has a thing for Linda and takes pot shots at Jim whenever he can.  He's also an expert on the Ouija and demonstrates his prowess at a party by contacting the spirit of a little boy named David.  After leaving the party in a huff due to a little spat with Jim, Brandon leaves behind the Ouija board.  Linda gets all adventurous and uses the board to call on David again, and they develop a quick bond.  But Linda's breaking a cardinal rule of Oujia by using the board by herself.  Weird things begin happening, from the innocuous (finding Linda's lost ring) to the insidious (Jim's buddy is killed in an "accident").  Linda's becoming addicted to the board, but Jim has his doubts about it.  He and Brandon kiss and make up without the kiss and investigate this David spirit on their own.  A call to a psychic (Kathleen Wilhoite) ends badly and Linda has a rough encounter with what she thinks is David.  Jim and Brandon go on a road trip where bridges are mended, clues are discovered, and hatchets are buried...literally.  It all spirals into a showdown between Jim, Linda (as possessed by a toothy bloke called Malfeitor), a police detective who thinks Jim's responsible, and the titular board.

Everything about this movie screams the 1980's.  Tawny Kitaen is in it, with beautiful big hair.  She was not far removed from one of my all-time favorite comedies in Bachelor Party and was just about at her Whitesnake car-dancing peak.  With all the legal troubles she's had over the recent years, it's easy to forget just how gorgeous she was in 1987.  Kathleen Wilhoite is in it.  She was guest on a slew of 80's TV shows like Family Ties and Cagney & Lacey as well has having a supporting role in the iconic Road House.  Stephen Nichols is in it.  He was in TV's pop culture soap opera phenomenon General Hospital which had enjoyed its most popular run ever just a few years before with the whole Luke and Laura storyline, which involved intrigue and spies and a giant ice ray that could freeze a city.  But how would I know?  I don't watch soaps.  Ahem...

The colors, the clothing, the hair.  Hell, the very look of the film...it's all the 1980's.  And it all ends with a rockin' hair band anthem for its theme song ("Bump In The Night" by Iannis Xenakis).  I don't care if it seems cheesy now.  I don't care if the movie's only slightly creepy compared to the kind of movie I enjoy now in 2011.  It was about the fun.  It was about a bunch of goofy, pizza-filled, Busch Light-fueled dudes kicked back in their Central Michigan University dorm room, not caring about what was happening outside, not caring what the next 10, 20, or 30 years would bring us.

If Witchboard was bad, we didn't care.  It was good to us, and now all these many years later, it's absolute nostalgia.  You want a time capsule of the "Me Decade"?  Fire up the old VCR and pop in that worn VHS tape of Witchboard (or pop in the DVD, I won't judge), order a pizza, and take a trip back in time that doesn't require 1.21 gigawatts.

A big thank you to The Mike for allowing me to be a part of the 80's horror celebration!

Now please enjoy the trailer:

Oh, and a bonus! Please to enjoy the aforementioned song "Bump In The Night":

Midnight Top Five - The "Scariest Creatures in '80s Films Suitable for Children's Viewing" Edition (Guest Post by Syrin of My Own Little Corner)

(Note from The Mike: I promised you all that I'd leave FMWL in good hands while I take a rare real world vacation this week, and I meant it.  Please welcome Syrin, hostess at the diminutive-but-mighty blog My Own Little Corner, who's got a double dose of Midnight Top Five action for you all!  Please check out what she's got to say below, and head over to her site to see some awesome stuff!)

While my parents weren't overly strict, they did lay out certain rules.  One of these rules meant absolutely no R rated movies before the age of 13.  It was a valiant effort on their part to shelter me from sex, language, and violence that my young mind wasn't quite ready for.  However, the horror boom of the 80s meant that a lot of horror elements were sneaking into comedies, even those primarily targeted towards children.  As such I present to you the top five things that had me turning away from the television and movie screen and ducking under the covers at night.

Stripe's Death - Gremlins
The gremlins themselves didn't really scare me.  While certainly not what I would call cute, they're just sort of reptilian creatures with pointy teeth that cause a lot of trouble.  However, that scene as we watch Stripe decay once he is hit by sunlight?  The stuff of nightmares!

 The Dark Overlord - Howard the Duck

I haven't seen Howard the Duck in many, many years.  I really need to sit down and revisit it to see how well it holds up.  I think it certainly is one of those movies that could only have been made in the 80s.  More than anything else, I remember being caught totally off guard when this seemingly innocent funny movie about a talking duck suddenly had this huge, disgusting scary monster show up at the end.  I may have left the room when it appeared.

The Waiting Room - Beetlejuice

I didn't see too many movies in theaters when I was a kid.  We used to rent a lot from the video store instead.  So I remember my friends ranting and raving about Beetlejuice and how funny it was long before I got to see it.  I also distinctly remember thinking they were trying to torture me when the waiting room scene came on.  Mr. Shrunken Head was particularly frightening to me.

 The Librarian Ghost - Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters is definitely one of my favorite movies of all time.  I watched it over and over again, and I will happily defend the sequel too.  For a movie about ghosts, it is pretty short on scares.. except for that opening scene!  If anything will make you stay quiet in a library, it's this woman!

 Large Marge - Pee Wee's Big Adventure
But the absolute scariest thing I ever saw in a film in my childhood doesn't come from the horror genre at all.  Of course, it is a film made by Tim Burton, and as his first full length film I think it served as a warning to all of us that this man had a very unique vision.  I don't think I've run into a single person of appropriate age who didn't get their pants scared off by Large Marge.  My brother and I watched this movie again and again and again, but I can tell you right now, after the first viewing, whenever I heard "It looked... like this!" I would cover my eyes until Pee-wee stopped screaming.

OR: See Large Marge on YouTube....IF YOU DARE.

Because these sort of things were just so prevalent in the 80s, I thought it would be fun to turn it around a bit and talk about the scary creatures that didn't make me run for cover.

Audrey II - Little Shop of Horrors
While I didn't actually watch the entirety of Little Shop of Horrors until I was an adult, I remember seeing at least parts of the movie in my childhood.  They even made a cartoon adaptation of it!  While Audrey II grows to be large and monstrous and feasts on human blood, the power of humor and music makes him not quite as threatening as some of the creatures and people above.

Slimer - Ghostbusters
Pardon me for mentioning Ghostbusters twice in one post like this, but I think it would be wrong to not talk about Slimer in this context.  For awhile there, he was even more popular than Casper in the friendly ghost category.  He had his own fruit punch and toothpaste, and basically dominated The Real Ghostbusters.  While I think nearly all cartoons automatically count as not really scary, even in the first film he's too busy gorging himself on food to inspire fear, and his one encounter with Peter Venkman definitely inspires more laughs than shivers.

The Troll - Stephen King's Cat's Eye
For the longest time, I didn't know Cat's Eye was an anthology film.  The only part of the movie we had on a VHS tape was the final segment staring Drew Barrymore titled "The General."  The troll who steals her breath away is not meant to be cute or cuddly but there's something about seeing him float with balloons and spin around on a record player that always made him adorable to me.

The Wild Gang - Labyrinth
Somehow, despite being a Jim Henson fan since I was an infant, I didn't see Labyrinth until I was a teenager.  I fell in love with it immediately.  Imagine my surprise when later I was told by a couple people that The Wild Gang gave them nightmares.  But.. they're so cute!  And fun!  And it's such a great song!  I'm calling it here that anything created by the Jim Henson gang cannot scare me, and therefore these guys belong on the list.

The Chamberlain of the Skeksis - The Dark Crystal
Yeah, I'm fully expecting a fight on this one, but what's the point of a top 5 list without being a little controversial?  There is no doubt that the Skeksis as a race are incredibly ugly creatures.  And that scene where the Emperor turns to dust?  I'd even allow that it could belong on a list with the scary ones above.  But the Chamberlain himself is too likeable to be scary.  His constant whimper, his pleading "Please.. gelfing.. come to castle.."  make me find him more cute than scary.  He's one of the most entertaining characters in the film and probably my favorite out of all them.

Think I got it all wrong?  Have some more fun creatures to add to either list?  Were you immune to the terror of Large Marge?  Sound off in the comments!

The Mike's 31 Favorite 1980s Horror Films: No. 20 - 16

By the time you're reading this, The Mike has safely been whisked away to an undisclosed vacation spot in the southern U.S.  But you know what?  THAT AIN'T STOPPING ME FROM PARTYING WITH '80s HORROR MONTH!  So let's keep our countdown rolling, as we're down to The Mike's 20 favorite '80s Horror films!

Previously on The Mike's 31 Favorite 1980s Horror Films....
#31-#26     #25-#21

20. Clownhouse
(1989, Dir. by Victor Salva.)

My relationship with Clownhouse has already been summed up at FMWL back when it was Midnight Movie of the Week.  Yeah, I know it's not a good movie (it still has some fine scares, however) and I know the director committed a ridiculously disgusting crime while making it. But I just can't help my past.  I grew up with Clownhouse, and I can't hide from it.  It's a part of me.

19. Dead & Buried
(1981, Dir. by Gary Sherman.)

I didn't see this movie until the last few years, but it was one of the first movies to come along in some time that really had me on the edge of my seat due to a palpable sense of impending doom.  A lot of what's stuck with me is that evil Lisa Blount and her tempting ways (she was responsible for two of my Top 10 Willies!), but the coastal California setting and a dose of fog does wonders for Dan O'Bannon's script - which is pretty good in its own right.

18. April Fool's Day
(1986, Dir. by Fred Walton.)

I've made it pretty obvious - heck, I've beaten it into my readers' skulls - that I don't take slasher films very seriously most of the time.  And that's probably why I have so much fun with April Fool's Day, which cause controversy by bucking some slasher trends in its final act.  I also don't think there's a slasher film with a better cast out there, as the likes of Deborah Foreman, Clayton Rohner, Amy Steel and Biff Tannen, among others, bring fun characters to a fun slasher story.

17. Re-Animator
(1985, Dir. by Stuart Gordon.)

Is it weird if I say Re-Animator is one of those movies I respect more than I love?  I generally say that kind of thing about the likes of Lawrence of Arabia or Raging Bull or whatnot, but for some reason I've never had a big emotional connection with Re-Animator.  At the same time, I think about it and I'm immediately showing it respect like I'm watching Atticus Finch walk out of the courtroom.  That's worth something, isn't it?

16. Psycho II
(1983, Dir. by Richard Franklin.)

I like to cite Psycho II as proof that anything can be made into a good movie.  Just think about it like this: 23 years ago, Beetlejuice happened (Not saying it's as good as Psycho, it's just the first non-sequeled movie of 1988 I came up with).  Now, let's pretend that it's now - but Tim Burton is dead and some dude who spent a day on one of his film sets when he was in school is making a sequel.  HOW BADLY WOULD WE TRASH THAT MOVIE?  Yeah, badly. So imagine what 1983 audiences thought a sequel to Psycho would be like.  And yet, thanks to some inventive writing by Tom Holland and Richard Franklin's love for Hitchcock, Psycho II is kind of awesome.  And if Psycho II is awesome, then any movie can be awesome.

Five random facts/questions to ponder as '80s Horror Month moves on.....
1) I'm not gonna go into the details of Clownhouse's legal history again. So instead, let's just talk about Sam Rockwell!  I had no idea who he was back when Clownhouse was a family favorite (even though he had been in the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flick! - but there's a scene in Clownhouse where he's telling a "scary story" that now seems to me brilliant. I wasn't smart enough to see it as a kid, but that dude's always been a star.  Go Sam!

2) My reaction to Dead & Buried is almost the opposite to Clownhouse, as I could not, for the life of me, see Melody Anderson as anything but Dale Arden of Flash Gordon fame.  Do you have any tales of not being able to see an actor as anything but one of their more famous roles?

3) April Fool's Day was partially inspired by the famous Agatha Christie tale And Then There Were None, which was also an inspiration to films like George Pollack's Ten Little Indians, Mario Bava's Five Dolls for an August Moon, and Jams Mangold's Identity.

4) Random personal factoid: I'd read of Re-Animator as a teen, but didn't see it until I was into my 20s.  My biggest reason for wanting to see it? That scene in American Beauty when Ricky and Lester joke about the film where "the severed head goes down on the girl".

5) So, Psycho II exists (as do Psycho III & Psycho IV!), much to my initial surprise.  What films would you be most surprised to see successful sequels of?

We're more than halfway through the countdown!  Come back next weekend, when the list whittles down a little more, and some of my potentially glaring omissions move closer to being revealed!